Unnown Love

We became quite close over the next several months. Christmas came and went. Time flies when you don't pay too much attention to it. Alex wasn't always in the picture. According to Jamie, he split his time between his family and his harem, as Jamie called Alex's many female followers.

A good chunk of our nights were spent much the same as the first. If we didn't kill the night with Netflix, we played video or board games. Surprisingly, it was actually easy to study alongside Jamie. Most people either make too much noise or can't seem to deal with any silence at all. Jamie had a nice balance of not needing to fill ever gap in conversation while not being laconic. We had a lot of the same classes, though in different time slots. Community Colleges tend to have many of the same classes for people in the same curriculum even if their specialties are vastly different. He was taking the same classes to be a patrolman as I was to be a computer technician.

"Jayne or Wash." I asked.

"Oh that's easy. Jayne."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah. He's the funniest while still being pretty complex. Though the guy that plays Wash is a pretty good actor." He kicked his feet up on the coffee table. "Mal or Zoe?"

"Malcolm. You should've known that. He is the lead after all." I said.

"I aim to misbehave." He said while raising his beer in the air. I raised my wine cooler in salute.

"What's next?"

We had just finished a Firefly slash Serenity marathon, with both of us quoting several lines as they happened. It was our Spring break. Jamie complained that not having school made him spend money on alcohol.

"Don't you have Smokey and the Bandit on DVD?" I asked.

"That's a negative Ghostrider." He said

"Really? I could've swore I saw it the last time I sifted through the stack." I mumbled.

"It's there." I stared at him. "I just felt like saying that." I shook my head. Idiot.

I got up, popped the movie in, grabbed another two bottles of each for us, and plopped down on the couch. We clicked the necks of the bottles together as the movie started. He was on his fifth Budweiser while I was on my third Mike's Lemonade. We got the variety pack. The one I was currently on was a mango. He had one more bottle to go before starting on the next six pack, which were Bud Light Platinums. He said if he worked for them, he may as well buy them. He drove a van and stocked grocery stores for the local distributorship on the weekends.

"Burt Reynolds is a walking carpet."

"Hey, I'm just as hairy."

"That should tell you something." He through a beer cap at me.

"Fuck you." He said with a slight slur.

I was a little buzzed myself. He hadn't gotten to the Platinums yet, which were higher in alcohol content. It was one in the afternoon. Only winos and college students were drunk this time of day. It's fun to not give a shit sometimes.

His phone started to vibrate. He picked it up. His brows shot up at first, then drew together as he read, before he tossed the phone on the table with a snort.

"Who was that?"

"An old mistake."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Most things don't."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Think about it. For every one thing you can name that sounds good, I can name something that doesn't."

"Music."

"Bad car brakes."

"A waterfall."

"Fighting cats."

"Opera."

"Opera sucks. Besides that's a form of music."

"Okay, how about the sound of bacon frying."

"Good one." He went to say something else. A vibration cut him off. He gestured towards it. "That's another point for me."

His face had the same expression a mother would have to a child that was lying to her face and she knew it.

"An ex?" I asked.

He looked at me out the corner of his eye. The rest of his beer got turned up with his left hand while he typed out a response with his right. The phone went to his lap this time instead of the table. The texts came and went from both sides for the next twenty or thirty minutes, before he gently sat the phone down on the table again. His eyes seemed to be unfocused, staring at the TV without really noticing it. I was drunk enough that I couldn't see anything but lights moving. I'd finished my lemonades while he'd been on the phone.

I could see something was bugging him. I put a hand on his shoulder and leaned towards him.

"What's wrong?"

He turned his head to stare at me for a few seconds. My hand stayed on his shoulder as he shrugged.

"Aint nothing. Just sorting some thoughts. Weighing some pros and cons."

"Might help to talk about it."

"Not this time cowboy."

I slapped the back of his head. My hand lingered around his neck, as I was using him to balance.

"You're the cowboy."

He shoved me. I lay on my back giggling. The room was spinning something fast. I kept laughing as I stared in his eyes. Hazel. Such a pretty word. I laughed some more.

"Sleep it off bud."

He went and got a blanket to put over me. I couldn't help giggling as he took my shoes off. My shirt wanted to fight me as I peeled it off.

"Hold up son, I'll help ya."

He held my arms straight so he could get the damn thing off me.

"Pants." I complained.

"Are staying on." I grumbled at this. "You'll survive. Now close your eyes. Count some sheep or something." He patted my chest as he walked away.

I didn't have a headache when I woke up. Hangovers usually don't come looking for me. Lucky me I guess. I redressed while sitting up on the couch. My phone read ten thirty. I didn't feel drunk still, so I assumed I was good to drive. I checked for any messages I had missed. My mother had texted me to tell me to text her if I wasn't coming home tonight. I was about to tell her I was when headlights illuminated the room briefly. Thirty seconds or so later, Alex walked in.

"What's going on Little Man? Where's Jamie at?"

"Aint got a clue Bulldog. I've been asleep for a while."

He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He sat next to me with a cup of tea. The TV came alive with the push of a button.

"Surprised you're not out with one of the fairer sex."

"Didn't like the choices in town, nor did I feel like driving to the club."

I was still thinking about Jamie's departure, as well as who he was texting. The thought wouldn't leave my mind.

"Do you know anybody who would text Jamie out of the blue?"

Alex's head snapped towards me. I thought he was going to stare a hole through me.

"Why do you ask?" He said slowly, carefully.

"Well, someone texted him earlier. He seemed a little annoyed at first. They kept going until shortly before I passed out."

"Was Jamie drinking with you?" Alex looked sort of angry.

"Umm, yeah why?"

"He drove away." Now he was definitely angry.

"I don't know how long he waited around here before he left. He could've been completely sober for all I know."

"I doubt it. God, I thought we were passed this." He looked down between his legs while slowly shaking his head.

"Passed what?"

"Not my place to say." His head remained where it was. Bulldog gave off this sudden aura of sadness I couldn't explain. "I'm sure you'll meet him soon enough anyway."

"Meet who?" I was really confused now.

"You'll see. Look, I'm going to hit the hay."

I realized what that meant. "Yeah, sure. I'll see you and Jamie Monday if not sooner."

"Sure thing man."

I stopped at the door and turned to face Bull.

"Is Jamie okay?" I had to know.

"As much as that idiot can be at any given time. Look, Kyle, I'd love to tell you. It's just not my place."

"Sure. Have a good night."

"You too man."

I thought about what could possibly be wrong, as well as the things Bull had said. I was making guesses in my head. Every conclusion I came up with seemed as if I was reaching.

My mother answered the door when I got home.

"You at Jamie's again?"

"Yeah. I fell asleep on his couch. Bulldog woke me up. I don't know where Jamie is."

"Is he alright?" she placed a hand on my shoulder.

"He's fine ma, just left when I was asleep."

"I'm sure he had a good reason."

"Ma, he doesn't need one. It was just weird to wake up with no one there but me. Anyone else would've thought I lived there." She chuckled.

"Sometimes honey, I think you do." I had to give her that one.

"Is dad still awake?"

"When have you ever known your father to be awake after ten?"

"The downsides of old parents. I forget."

She swatted the back of my head.

I made my way up the steps to my room. There wasn't anything else to do except sleep. For some reason it wasn't that difficult to do so even after my extended nap. Sometimes sleep breeds more sleep though.

It was Tuesday before I saw either one of them. Of course, I texted Jamie a couple of times before then, though his answers were unusually short.

The weather was just starting to warm up somewhat. Still needed a jacket at the minimum. I was walking up the path to our usual gazebo. I could see Jamie and Alex's obvious hulking forms. Something was wrong though, Alex sat across from Jamie. Some guy was sitting next to Jamie. Rather close, at that.

When I came to the gazebo's entrance, three sets of eyes turned to look at me. Unsure of what to do, I sat next to Alex. The air seemed thicker than normal. It wasn't due to any humidity.

"Afternoon fellas." I said.

Jamie smiled over at me while the guy next to him looked at me like I was some kind of bug before placing a hand on Jamie's thigh.

I can't explain the sensation of how big the light bulb was that went off in my head at seeing the little bastard mark his territory like a dog, but it was sudden and violent. Almost like a car crash had taken place in the middle of my brain. I looked at Alex. He was staring at Jamie who seemed to be resolutely be staring at something outside the gazebo. My fingers were gripping the edge of the bench with a fierceness normally possessed by the squeamish during a horror flick.

That little bastard. I'd never felt this way before. People always say, 'Oh I never get jealous.' Horse shit. I was in the biggest way possible. I didn't have to think about what I was feeling even for a second. My whole body seemed to be firmly opposed to what was being presented to it. Again I looked at Alex. He kept watching Jamie, who was lighting a smoke.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" I even hated his voice. I didn't know it was possible to dislike someone so much in so short a time.

"Kyle, this is Gavin. Gavin meet Kyle, a good friend of mine." The cigarette moved up and down as he talked. He held it in his left hand as he exhaled. His right arm was behind Gavin, prick that he was.

"Nice to meet you Kyle." His voice dripped sarcasm.

"Same." I muttered.

"Kyle, I think it's time we head to the library." Said Alex.

"What?" We hadn't discussed anything to do with the library. In fact, I was pretty sure Alex was allergic to books.

"You swore you'd help tutor me. I'm not letting you flake on me. Come on, up we go." He said as he grabbed my arm and drugged me along.

I waited till we were around the corner from the gazebo, not before chancing a look over my shoulder. Gavin was moving to kiss Jamie. Shouldn't have eaten breakfast.

"You mind telling me what the fuck that was about?" I demanded.

"That, was Gavin."

"I garnered that much, thank you."

We kept walking to Alex's car. He unlocked my door and I got in, pressing the unlock button while he walked around.

We didn't talk for what had to be a full minute.

"Gavin is Jamie's on again off again boyfriend. They've been doing this since the eleventh grade when Jamie was a block of solid muscle and Gavin was in the drama club. They got together in some romantic story, wanna be Hallmark fairy tale type shit."

"I thought you weren't goin to tell me any of this." I said.

"Yeah well, I changed my fucking mind. How's that sound? I've had enough of this shit through the years."

He took out a pack of cigarettes from the glove box. His voice kept going even as he searched through the car for a lighter. It was the first time I'd seen Alex even attempt to smoke. He's always telling Jamie to quit.

"Gavin was getting picked on by some guys on the baseball team in the parking lot one day, that's where anybody who was anybody went to hang out after school while they waited for their parents when their clubs were done with them. Everyone who didn't have an extracurricular activity had already gone home, same for the people who could drive. Jamie didn't get his license till senior year. This time, it was pretty cold so most everyone had gone inside to wait. Our practice had let out, Jamie was the last one off the field. Well the baseball boys must've thought everyone had gone, cause they didn't start in on Gavin until I had walked inside, otherwise I would've stopped it. Lord, don't I wish it had gone that way instead."

He had found the lighter, striking it several times before it lit. A long drag on his smoke interrupted his monologue.

"So Jamie sees four guys standing around Gavin, calling him names and the like. Despite his easy going nature, Jamie don't take no shit, at least that kind anyway." He shook his head. "I wish he'd take less in other areas. I digress. He probably couldn't move as well as he used to with the knee, but Jamie used to box as well. His dad thought it would make a man out of him, along with football. He walks up to the guys, putting Gavin behind him, and asks what's going on."

Smoke poured out of his nostrils, making Bulldog look like a pissed off Bull.

"One of the idiots, Bobby Lambert if I do recall, said they were just having a little fun with the fag. Well Jamie was still in the closet. That kinda talk was enough to cost Bobby a broken nose. Jamie whipped them boys like they like they were children. I mean, how often do you hear of one guy getting suspended for beating up four other guys?"

"Wait," I interrupted. "They suspended him? What the fuck for?"

"They said he took it too far. Apparently, Dylan Turner tried to run away. Jamie grabbed him and threw him into a car door, which happened to be Principal Nelson's son's car."

"Oh... that'll do it alright."

"That it will. Anyhow, to make a long story short, they wound up dancing in the closet together during their suspensions. I was the only one who knew, and was pretty happy for them. Seriously, it was some romantic shit."

I laughed at this.

"What, I can like romance! Fuck you. Doesn't matter. By senior year, I guess Gavin had gotten bored. Jamie found out he was cheating on him with a guy from another school. The first time this sorta thing happened, Jamie beat the shit out of the guy, then cried himself into a stupor with a bottle of whiskey. Then Gavin begs back into the picture, against my advice to Jamie, and does the same shit again. And again. And I think you get the picture. I can't count the number of times Jamie has shown up at my door drunk as a skunk cause of Gavin's ass. He even came out to his parents after one such incident. What a debacle that was. Long story short, they kicked him out. It was the summer before college started. My parents got plenty of money. They pay my half of the rent and then some I don't tell Jamie about so he isn't out on the street."

"His parents are shitheads. Your folks sound alright though." I said.

"You got that right. Just watch like I'm telling you though. Gavin will break his heart again and Zebra will do his best to drink the county dry."

"Why does he keep going back to him?"

"He's got a weak spot for his first love." Alex said with a dismissive hand wave. " I feel bad for him. He keeps thinking, eventually, Gavin'll get his shit together for good. He knows it won't happen. He just can't stop himself I guess."

We sat in silence for a while. Alex rolled the window down and tossed out the dead smoke.

"You like him, don't you?"

I blushed, not answering.

"I knew it for a while bud, don't think for a minute I didn't know. Only gotta have eyes to see it. Gavin saw it too. He's going to try and push you out, mark my words." He turned to face me. "You do me one favor. You listening?" I nodded, unable to break eye contact. "Don't let the fucker succeed. You dig your claws in like a cat in a rodeo. Gavin will fuck up and be on his way, and you're going to pick up the pieces."

"You're putting too much faith in me, not to mention thinking way too far ahead. You don't even know that Jamie likes me."

"You don't see what I see." He pointed to his eyes. "Now promise."

"Alex, I can't promise something he doesn't want."

"Promise!"

"I'll try, that's all I can do." Alex went to say something else. "You think I don't want this!? You think I don't want to kick Gavin's teeth in after what you told me!? Then you tell me I gotta watch Jamie basically self-destruct and then you wanna ask me to wait through that shit to swoop in for the kill?"

"That's about the gist of it. I'd have done it myself if I was even slightly gay."

I shook my head as I thought about all he said.

"You ask too much..."

"It's a tall order to be sure. Still, I think you're strong enough to fight for it. Think about it. You two are practically married and you're not even fucking."

"ALEX!"

"You know it's true. Imagine how much better it will be when you cross that last bridge. I can't imagine what it's like to fuck someone you love because you love them."

"You will one day."

"I'm glad you think that, cause I sure don't."

Alex dropped me off by my car. I had a lot to think over.