Unrequited Love

Well this is my first attempt at a story and I know that it is poorly written. My hope is that with time my stories will get better. None of this is true, it is simply my imagination and if any of it offends anyone then I apologize in advance. I must warn that this is a love story, not one that will give you a quick roll in the hay. Enjoy! Comments are appreciated!

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Ok, so what is the problem with unrequited love, you ask? Well it fucking stinks. I had been in love with my best friend Chris since I was aware of what love was. The problem? Well Chris ain't short for Christina and he is quite straight. He wasn't one of those people who you think could have even a few closet gay fantasies. Hell even his subconscious is straight. I had caught him so many times asleep and dreaming of fucking some cunt.

I probably would still love him if he was less than attractive but he wasn't. Does the term GREEK GOD mean anything to you? Well he was that and so much more. He stood 6'3 220 lbs. blond sun streaked hair, hazel green eyes, finely chiseled features and a body that makes my mouth water. It was my first year of college that I decided that I needed to do something about my predicament.

You see, Chris and I had been friends since we were fourteen and he moved into my neighborhood. If I hadn't thought about being gay before meeting him, then I sure in the hell knew after meeting him. It was as if we just clicked. Before the end of his first summer living here, we were best friends. For some reason I could never tell him that I was gay or that the more I knew of him, the more I fell in love with him. I guess I was just too afraid to lose his friendship to tell him. That coupled with the fact that he would absolutely know how I felt if I did tell him just left me alone to pine for someone I could never have.

When I started college, I promised myself that I wouldn't try to hide who I was anymore. I wasn't going to be flaming or anything I just wouldn't date girls anymore or lie when someone asked. I figured guys would be interested; it wasn't like I was a total slob in the looks department. I'm Dereck by the way. I'm 6'1 195 lbs with a swimmers build. I'm brown haired and brown eyed with sort of an olive complexion. I figured that even though I would have to tell Chris that I was gay, being in college meant that I could make new friends and maybe not be so alone even if Chris decided he no longer wanted to be my friend.

A couple of weeks before we were set to go to college I knew that I had to tell Chris about me. He at least deserved that in case he wanted to not be roommates with me. He arrived at my house in his usual fashion, banging on the door, kissing my mom asking her what's for dinner and pumping my dad's fist all the while yelling for me.

"DER! DER! Get your lazy butt up, let's shoot some hoops."

God I loved just hearing his voice and I swear that when he said my name it sounded like he was calling me 'dear' instead of my nickname. I had it so bad. I opened my door and told him to shut up like I always did. Here goes nothing I said to myself.

"Get in here dickwad I gotta talk to you about something."

"Sure buddy what's up?"

"I need to tell you something before we go to school and if you no longer want to be my roommate afterwards then I'll completely understand."

"Damn man do you have like some extreme farting disease cuz u know as long as you stay under the covers the smell stays trapped." He said and began his belly-clenching laughing that never ceased to cause my skin to tingle. I always had a hard time not moaning from his voice.

"Stop laughing man, I'm serious just listen to me for a minute. I need to tell you this cuz you might not even want to be my friend afterwards. It's just important so listen. This is probably one of the hardest things that i'll have to say in my lifetime so I guess i'll just say it. I'm Gay."

By the end of my small speech, I was pacing and near tears. I was thinking that I maybe shouldn't have told him when my parents were home. I kept pacing not even wanting to look at him because if I saw disgust I'd just let the damn floor open up and swallow me whole. After a while, I realized that the room was still quiet and I chanced a glance at Chris. I barely held back a gasp. I had never seen him look so serious. His face was stony and expressionless. He looked like a statue only he was blinking and his jaw was twitching. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Chris say something! Or at least do something, punch me or something but don't just sit there!" I was a bit frantic at this point. I didn't know this would hurt so much. It felt like my heart was wringing itself out.

"How long have you known?"

"Well that depends, I've always felt different because girls never really excited me, but I knew for sure when I was thirteen and had my first wet dream. Most guys don't remember theirs but I do and let's just say that there were no boobs or cunts to be found."

"YOU'VE KNOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME THAT WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS?! The whole time, and you never said a word. You know everything about me and now this, I suddenly feel like I don't know SHIT about the person who calls himself my best friend."

By now, we were both emotional and I was slumped in a chair while he sat with his head in his hands on my bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't. At first, it was just too confusing having to admit it to myself, but after I was sure, I didn't want to lose a friendship. I was and am so afraid that you won't wanna be my bro anymore. I knew I had to come out to you now because we're going to school and it wouldn't be fair to you to find out when I have my first date or if I wanna bring someone back to the dorm. I don't wanna hide anymore so i'm giving you time in case you want to get a new roommate."

Damn, I was really sweating bullets now. He still hadn't said much and he seemed even more pissed off. I sighed inwardly and hoped my world as I knew it wouldn't completely crumble around my feet.

"First of all I don't care if you are gay. Hell, you could have fucked half the male population at school and I still wouldn't care. What I do care about is the fact that you have never told me. I mean you never even let on. Either you are one hell of an actor or i'm as blind as a bat. I suppose it is really a little in between though. I really don't even feel as if I know you right now and I don't know what to do about it. I mean is there anything else that you need to tell me, do you have a boyfriend that you've been hiding for four years or what?"

All through his speech, I had to keep reminding myself that my jaw didn't belong on the floor. So he didn't care, well what'd ya know? I was on crash mode from the adrenaline high that I was feeling. I didn't know whether to jump for joy, break down crying or pass out. Eventually I just stayed rooted to my seat.

"Hell no I don't have a boyfriend. I've never seen that as being a possibility until I decided to come out. Plus, that's not something that I could have hidden from you. As far as the acting goes, well, it was easy most of the time because I just tried to act as if it didn't matter, that if I ignored it enough then I wouldn't have to worry about it. "

I couldn't tell him that the only boyfriend I had ever wanted was him or that as long as I got to hang out with him then at most times it didn't matter.

"So does this mean that I have to listen to you scoop guys and talk about their packages like we did with girls?"

Although this was a poor attempt at humor, I laughed anyway.

"Naw man, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. Plus i'm still the same; I can appreciate the female form. Now you'll just know that i'm looking at their boyfriends more than i'm looking at them. Nothing will change bro."

Oh how wrong a person can be. Chris and I went back to being buds after I came out to him. As the days went along, we even began to joke about it. We went off to school and quickly fell into our routines. I was the art major and he was the architecture major. We both loved sports but it just wasn't a passion. Because of this, we tended to hang out with the same types of people. Although his crowd was stuffier because their field involved so much more mathematics, there was always an easy vibe when we all studied together for common classes.

There was this tension growing between us. I knew it was mostly my fault. I felt the need to distance myself from him because I thought he'd figure out that I was in love with him. Especially with him knowing that I was gay. In my opinion, you just couldn't help but fall for him, but maybe I was just biased. It was so much harder to keep my feelings for him under wraps with him sharing a room with me. I had promised myself that I would date and open myself to the possibility of falling in love or at least getting to home base. However, every time I saw him come from the shower with the towel tied low around his waist or when he comes in from working out and he's so hot he's steaming its more than I can take and all I do is pine mores for him.

This just wasn't working, Chris was dating and I knew that I needed to forget about what I couldn't have. Fortunately, he hadn't brought any girls back to the room but it was probably only a matter of time. I decided to join the gay and lesbian alliance on campus and I sort of immersed myself in gay functions and socials for a while. I went on a few dates, did some groping and kissing, but I never really considered going further than that. I guess I just hadn't met anyone who measured up to Chris' standards. That is, until I met Robert or Rob for short.

Rob was about two inches shorter than I was, eyes the purest emerald I had ever seen, hair black as midnight, a buff physique and not an ounce of body fat. I have no idea what drew me to him. He was gorgeous but more in a rugged than a chiseled way. We hit it off right away and it felt so great to not be thinking about Chris all day that I felt as if a weight had been lifted. I was able to be more of the friend to Chris than I was before and Rob and me were actually good friends alongside of us going out. I felt that I was finally fitting into where I belonged.

CHRIS

Ever since Dereck told me he was gay, things haven't been the same between us. The weird part about it is that it's him acting weird and not me. I mean yeah it was a big shock, but it made a whole lot of sense once I really thought about it. I mean he never really dated girls for more than a few weeks and he'd never gone all the way, as far as I knew. No, he's acting like that part of him shouldn't have anything to do with me and I guess it really doesn't but we're supposed to be buds. This saddens me more than I care to think about.

For a while, there it was as if he wasn't dating because of me it just sucked because I don't want him to be unhappy. Hell, his whole reasoning for coming out to me was so he could have a chance at a real relationship. Then he starts going to all these functions and I saw some semblance of my old buddy again. It wasn't until he started dating this Rob character that I truly saw how he was emerging and what sort of shell he'd been in before.

I felt like this was a new person that I was seeing and even though we did start hanging out more, it was just different. His laugh was different; the way he dressed was too. And there was this sparkle in his eyes that i'd never seen before. I think he was falling in love and it bothered me so much but I had no idea why.

Part of me wishes he had never told me so that things could be the same, but the other part knew that was selfish. I wanted him to be happy, really, I just wish I didn't feel like I was losing something in order for him to accomplish it.

DERECK

I made it through the door at fifteen past three in the morning. I was so drained that I didn't even undress; I just plopped off my shoes and laid down. My head was still reeling from all that had happened that night. I had gone to the club with Rob. I had bought a new outfit and all, liking the way my new duds hugged a little tighter than my usual baggy pants and shirt. Rob and I were dancing; I was reeling from the vibrations and having a wonderful time in Rob's arms when I had to go fuck it up. Rob kissed me, which was nothing new seeing as we were dating and all, but this time was different. We had been slowly working our way up the intimacy scale but we were still trying to keep it vanilla, seeing as I was still a virgin and all. This time when Rob kissed me, there was such passion that it was driving me crazy. He was running his hands all over my body and it felt sooooooo good that I never wanted him to stop. The moment was perfect, we were in a crowd but it felt like we were all alone as our lips locked. It felt like time stopped. I was moaning and had no idea what else was going on. Eventually I realized that Rob had stopped kissing me. I finally opened my eyes to see a look of sadness come over Rob's face. I didn't know what was wrong and my confusion must have been written all over my face. He simply said, "We need to talk".

We walked to a nearby diner and before we got our coffees good, he told me exactly why we had to leave.

"Sweetheart, you called me Chris at the club tonight."

My eyes welled with tears as I told him, "Oh my God! I am so sorry, I was not even aware. It must have been just a slip. I'm sorry."

I knew then that the damage had been done. Dammit I just couldn't get him out of my system, would I ever be free of him? The tears started to pour then because I knew I could never be happy with anyone but Chris. Since that wasn't likely to happen, I was just doomed to be alone. Rob paid our tab and led me out and around to his apartment. He sat me down and asked me how long i'd been in love with Chris. Up until then I had managed to stop crying, but that started it up again. I told him everything, from me loving Chris at the beginning of our friendship to my coming out and Chris' reaction. He listened and then had a few words of his own.

"Dereck, you are a great guy, i'm just sad that I didn't meet you before he did, because then you wouldn't be going through this. It sounds to me like he's a good friend and you never know what the future holds for you two. I have to be honest, i've seen how you look at him and before you get hysterical, it's not that obvious, I just happened to be gay AND care about you. I'm still your friend and we can still hang out, we might even find a solution to your Chris problem"

I felt like I was all wrung out. I knew my eyes were bloodshot, but I still smiled because at least I hadn't lost the friendship that had developed between Rob and me. I walked slowly back to the dorms still without a clear plan in mind. I had thought of everything from changing schools to breaking off the friendship with Chris. Ultimately, I knew that none of my ideas would work because it wouldn't stop me from thinking about him or loving him. With a huge sigh I let myself in the room and here I am.

"Dude are you awake, did you just get here?"

"Yeah I went to the club with Rob remember?"

"Yeah, I was trying to wait up for you to tell you the good news."

Oh shit, here it comes, the other shoe is gonna drop I thought. I just didn't know if I could take an extra heaping of emotional bullshit. I asked what the news was anyway because I could at least try not to let my best friend down.

"Der, you know that girl Mary from my architectural design class that i've been talking to for the past couple of weeks? Well we finally hooked up. It was fuckin' incredible, man. I mean just out of this world. Now we're a couple. I'm so happy!"

If you could measure enthusiasm, his would be off the charts. As high as he was floating, the exact opposite was true for what I was feeling. My heart was so heavy. This was proof of what I could never have. I just did not know what to do. I guess I was taking too long because Chris butted into my musings and demanded a congratulations.

"Sorry man, I was just thinking, but i'm really happy for you. I mean it's great. I mean she seems really nice. Congrats and I hope it works out."

Suddenly I needed some air. I needed to leave. I needed to think, and anywhere that Chris wasn't was where I could be. I jumped up stuck my feet in my shoes and headed for the door. I would have made it to safety had he not asked me what was wrong. Dammit! I swiveled around so fast that I knocked some pens off the desk and I know that I had the classic deer in the headlights look. I was thinking fast and finally settled on a half-truth.

"Rob and I broke up tonight."

"Aw man i'm sorry, here I am boasting about a girl and you were hurting. I'm such an ass. Is there anything that I can do?"

Oh what a loaded question. Love me? Hold me? Want me? Be gay? But no, I said none of those things. His being sorry just made me love him more.

"Nah man I just want to be alone for a little while. Don't feel bad, you didn't know."

On that note, I left and went into the media room and starred into space for a couple of hours until I knew Chris would be at class. I went back to the room and crashed from sheer exhaustion, I didn't even go to class.

CHRIS

"GODDAMMIT!!!"

After Der left I couldn't sleep. I knew I didn't like that bastard Rob. I just never knew why until now. I knew he was trouble. He just came in and swept Der right off his feet with his charm. I felt like smashing his face in. I've never seen Der look so distraught. He must really love that shithead. If truth be told I really don't know what happened because Der didn't wanna talk about it, but he had to be the one who got dumped otherwise why would he look like his heart had been ripped out?

After my classes, I went in search of the bastard who broke my friend's heart. I found him at the local hangout. I thought that I could just talk to him like a civilized person. That wasn't the case. As soon as I spotted him, I became enraged. I didn't care that he was more buff than me, hell I had four inches on him. I asked to speak to him outside and before he stepped onto the sidewalk good, I decked him but good. He was so surprised that he went straight down. I hauled him up and drew back to hit him again when I was snatched backwards by someone. I was so mad I swung on them. Whomever it was ducked expertly and rammed me onto the ground.

"What the hell are you doing Chris?!"

The question startled me back to reality and I realized that it was Dereck on top of me. He looked annoyed, which wasn't what I expected. Here I am coming to his honor and defending my friend and he has the nerve to look annoyed. What the fuck?

"Chris you need to apologize to Rob, you don't even know what happened last night. Why the hell did you hit him?"

"Apologize? Apologize? What the hell? I saw the look in your eyes last night. That prick hurt you and you're my best friend so of course I hit him. Get off of me, i'm not gonna hit him again unless I hear a good enough reason."

He seemed a little reluctant to let me go but considering what I did to Rob's jaw, I guess it was understandable. By now, a small crowd had formed around the place and more people were looking out of the window.

"Ok jackass that is my friend, me and Rob decided to just be friends, you could have asked me or him that, so why didn't you?"

"I meant to ask him, but when I saw him, all I could think about was how you looked and I saw red man, i'm sorry to both of you. I guess I should have stayed out of that one huh? But if you guys are friends, then what the hell was that look for last night? Jesus, you looked worse than when your dog ran away when we were fifteen."

Rob then suggested that Der and me go somewhere more private and talk about it. I thought that was a little odd seeing as though we almost had a brawl in a very public place, but I guessed it must have been really serious. Der and I walked back to the dorms in silence. I kept waiting for him to tell me what it was but his shoes seemed more important at the time because his eyes were glued to them.