Want You to Want Me

It all started at a party. One of those parties with everyone you know, which tends to include a few people you fucking can't stand. And of all the people I couldn't stand- short, bespectacled, Everett Brooks was probably number one. He was on my debate team at Uni, and we were both third speakers who had a natural inclination to argue about everything. Which usually meant a lot of arguing with each other. Also a lot of debates won because by the time we got to the podium it actually didn't matter which one of us was speaking that day- we'd argued every point of the topic black and blue.

Everett Brooks thought he was smarter than everyone and most people fell for it and would try to copy his answers- and in all honesty I could see why. He had aaallll the accolades from High school. I dropped out of High School. He somehow found that out and often talked to me like I was slow because of it, but I worked my ass off to get UE once I'd decided I'd be doing Uni. I had made a point of not being a dumbass to prove to myself as much as anyone that I deserved to be here. But Everett didn't see how hard I worked and how good my grades were. He just saw a big dumb football playing jock who dared to hold his head high. I fucking hated him for it. I avoided him almost everywhere I could because his smarmy little voice which was SO INSISTENT on proving me wrong no matter what we were talking about drove me so batshit- I'd even pointedly moved myself out of a tutorial we'd ended up in together, with some encouragement from my tutor because the two of us apparently took up way too much class time.

But because it's a small city he was friends with everyone, just like I was, and for some reason they could stand him.

"Ugh. Everett is here." I moaned to my flatmate Miles. He rolled his eyes.

"I'll put a hundred dollars on you ending up fucking." He said. "You pay more attention to him winding you up than you do to anyone in the world."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "I have standards!"

"No you don't." Miles grinned at me. I groaned and went to hit him. I do so. Only. I have a type and from the outside... yeah, like, it's not the type you end up marrying.

"Well it's certainly not weedy, glasses wearing cunts." I said.

"I heard from his ex girlfriend he's kind of mean in the sheets." Miles said. "Sounds up your alley." I rolled my eyes and brushed him off and went to drink more.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I went for more booze, and found myself in a room with Everett, both reaching for the beer. I didn't acknowledge him at all. He was the last thing I wanted to think about.

"Ikaha." He greeted me flatly. I glared at him.

"Ihaka." I corrected him. "But that's ok pakeha, I can see you're trying." He went beet red.

"Sorry." He grunted.

"No, it's much harder than Everett." I said sarcastically. "A nice, normal name."

"Look..."

"Very upper middle class. Not like my dirty confusing name eh? Poor little white boy struggling with the natives and their strange naming conventions...." He slammed his fist into the table and I flinched.

"Will you shut the fuck up Ihaka?" I swallowed.

"What, or you'll hit me?"

"Don't fucking tempt me." He brought his head up slowly and caught my eyes. "Although word on the street is you're into that." I swallowed and scoffed at him. But it didn't quiiiite work, because he was right. I was into that. And he's smart, I already said that, and apparently he's smart enough to read people's minds because his grin widened. "Oh they're right." He mocked me. "You do like it." He stood up properly and his eyes went... all over my body. Oh goooooddd no. I couldn't stand it if he looked at me like that. Because I.... Well. I fucking love being looked at like that. "Oh that's precious." He said. I blushed furiously.

"Don't get too excited, I highly doubt you're qualified." I said. He laughed.

"What qualification does it take?" He said. "This?" Out of nowhere he was suddenly very, very, way too close, and gripping the hair at the nape of my neck, and... and fucking groping my ass like he had ANY fucking right to touch my best feature. I should have pushed him off. I should have just told him he was a jerk. I should have flexed every one of my muscles, and I sure as shit had a lot more than he did, and drawn myself up to my full height which was substantially taller than him...

Should have, would have, could have.

I did probably the opposite of all that. Blame it on the booze. Blame it on being tired and horny and having no luck recently. Blame it on the absolute hate boner I had for him. It was so unexpected and so fucking awful of him am that I was a slave to my baser instinct.

Which was to whimper.

"Oh there you go." He whispered. "Looks like I'm qualified huh?" My brain was spasming. Why the fuck was he... teasing me? Unless... he was just as fucked as I was. In the head I mean. Like maybe for some reason standing in a kitchen with a guy he hated made him as horny as I suddenly was.

"You're barely qualified to drive a fucking car, you are in so out of your depth here." I managed to shake him off me with a growl.

"You really think so?" He grinned at me and stepped back in close. "You look so fucking good in that shirt, Ihaka." I felt myself backed up against a cabinet, with nowhere to run except through him.

"Are you seriously hitting on me?" I asked, flustered. "You're a fucking ballache in my classes for one thing, you're not exactly my type for another, and... aren't you straight?" He smirked and put one hand on my shoulder.

"I'm interested in subs." He said, clasping my chin with the other. "Couldn't give less of a shit what's between their legs." My eyes met his and I swallowed. What the fuck was happening? Why was I entertaining this little jerkwad? Probably because he was looking at me like he'd like to eat me, and there's something about someone looking at me that way which makes me melt. Oh god, and it was even hotter that is WAS Everett, because I hated him so much. I get off on shame and humiliation, and being pinned against a cabinet by a tiny guy I fucking hated was making me... well, horny as hell. "Cat got your tongue?" Everett said. I just stared, not sure I trusted myself not to fall to my knees right then and beg him to let me suck him off somewhere. How I wish my brain was wired differently. "Hmm." He grinned, and I gasped as he reached between my legs, blushing with the shame of knowing he now knew EXACTLY how I felt about this. "I see." He said. "I was right. Big man on campus is just a soft little sub."

"I'm... I said weakly. Like what? Not? He'd already won this round. But my stubborn brain wouldn't let it go that easily. "I'm... don't do that..." I whispered. Hardly convincing.

"Why not?" Everett teased. "Don't you like it?"

"I...." I glanced down at myself in shame, but I happened to notice as I did that I wasn't the only one having a hard to hide reaction to this. Everett was rock hard as well, and you could tell because he insisted on wearing tight jeans all the time, because he thought they looked cool I guess. They looked obscene right now, the outline of his cock so visible. I moaned slightly. Fuck, stupid body. Betraying itself like that.

"Cute." He said. His grip on my head got tighter. "Bet you'd do anything I asked right now. Bet you'd lick my fucking shoes, right here in the kitchen. Bet this is what it's been about the whole time. You just need someone to show you your place. Which is on your knees, beneath me."

"Shit, Everett." I chuckled weakly. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"I'm right aren't I?" I managed to meet his gaze and I gave him a tiny little smile.

"I'm like, this close to ripping my clothes off and offering my body to you." I said. His eyes widened a fraction. Huh, maybe he didn't think I'd play along? But oh fuck, if he could make me this horny and hard, and melty inside with just a few words well... he could be the most arrogant prick in the whole damn world and I'd still want to see what he was like in bed.

"So..." He suddenly sprang away from me and cooly helped himself to the beer as someone walked in. Not very fair, I was still standing there with my brain scrambled. Luckily the other dude was wasted enough not to notice the unbearable tension in the room, and asked us how the party was going loosely as he made himself the world's booziest bourbon and coke. I slowly sort of... half shook myself out of it and managed to stand up straight, and as Mr. Bourbon left the room I glanced at Everett.

"So was that going anywhere?" I grinned at him. But the little guy had lost his nerve. He glanced at me and put on a wide smile- but I could see his heart hammering in his throat. Dammit. Maybe I could... he cleared his throat.

"Didn't mean a word." He said. "Just fucking with you."

My mouth dropped open as he left the room.

Fuck you, Everett Brooks. I'm going to MAKE you fuck me if it kills me.

---

Every time I closed my eyes I could see it. I could feel it. The way he handled me. His hands. His voice. He might have been joking, or fucking around, or god knows what fucking ever he was doing- but it drove me crazy. I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanked off to the thought of him more than once and eventually I realised I wasn't getting over this.

"Wish me luck." I said to Miles on my way out the door.

"Test?"

"What? No? I don't need luck for tests. I'm going to go stalk a boy who was hitting on me on Saturday night."

"Oh." He said flatly. "No. No luck wished."

"Oh, please?"

"Is he boyfriend material or..." Miles raised his eyebrows at me. Another terrible Dom, he didn't say.

"Not exactly boyfriend material." I smiled. "Point taken. See ya later."

"Laters, idiot."

---

I stood up as Everett exited his tutorial and grinned at him. He caught my eye and looked around nervously.

"Are you waiting for someone?" He asked hesitantly. I nodded.

"You." I said. His face fell. Bad sign. "Wanna beer?" Everett froze. Yeah, I know. Weird play. But I needed what he could give me and I could only tell him that if we were drinking beer. "Come on, I won't poison it." I joked. He nodded awkwardly and wrapped his arms around himself as we walked to The Hunter Lounge, almost like he was preemptively defending himself from an attack he knew was coming. I smiled at him. Close, Everett, but not quite.

Once we were settled in with the beer, and small talk about our degrees had worn off I could see him peering over his glasses at me, wondering what game I was playing.

"So." I sighed. "Saturday night."

"Yeah." He said. Yeah, he'd been waiting for this. He was so primed, so ready to apologise. I could feel it. So I looked him firmly in the eye.

"Just tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree, Everett, but... I need a Dom. And you have it, you know? I dunno if you're gay, or like whatever, but you clearly felt something. So. I guess. I wanna... do that again. More, actually. If you do." Everett 's eyes widened. I kept my smug little throwing him off balance smile to myself though- because if he said YES, there's no way that wouldn't go unnoticed. I stared at him intensely, and I waited to hear whatever he had to say. Worst case scenario he rejected me. And then told everyone what I did. But no one would believe him, not in a million years, so no stress.

Everett narrowed his eyes at me and he leant in close.

"This is the stupidest fucking joke you've ever pulled." He hissed. I swallowed.

"I'm not joking." I said quietly. He leant across the table and before I had a chance to defend myself his hands were on my lapels and he was grabbing me. I let him lift me up a fraction and stared at him as his cheeks flushed with anger. "Stop. Fucking. Around." He said. As calmly and slowly as I could manage I reached up and wrapped my hands around his. I held them loosely.

"Let me go." I swallowed. "Please." I looked into his eyes and watched the confusion and understanding wash over his face. My face remained as neutral as I could stand, hoping my slightly wide eyes and peaceful expression would make him see that I really, really wasn't fucking with him. This wasn't a joke. This was what I wanted. Slowly, he uncurled his fingers, and sat back. I straightened my collar and let my hands fall to the table. "I wasn't joking." I said, watching his face carefully. "I think I'm what you need. I think this will work." He stared at me in silence. I almost gave him an out- but I was so sure I was right. "You saw how I reacted." I reminded him. "That's me. That's how I am. I know you liked it."

"Sure." He grunted. "But..."

"It's even better that we can't actually stand each other." I smiled. "Hotter, right?" He blushed furiously. "Me, all wound up, hating you because you know I'll do whatever you say." I whispered. He closed his eyes and a tiny strangled sound came out of his mouth. I smiled to myself. I knew I was right. "Think about it." I downed my beer and stood up. He swallowed and caught me just as I was about to leave.

"My house. Session zero. 3 o'clock." He said. I pursed my lips.

"4?" I asked quietly. "I have a lecture at 3."

"4 then." He let me go, and I walked away, tingling.

----

Session zero wasn't the insane fuck fest I'd had in mind, to my annoyance.

"What's this?" I stared at a bit of paper he handed me. "A contract?" I wrinkled my nose. Ew. As if. He sighed and handed me a pen.

"No." He said stiffly. "A get to know you. I'm not a sex toy, and I'm not wasting my time with some half assed guy who thinks he's a sub, and can get away with stringing me on when he feels like it. I want to know how serious you are." I swallowed and looked at the paper. A questionnaire. Almost equally ew. I gave him back the pen and folded my arms.

"I'm not filling this in." I said. "If you want to talk safewords we can talk. Weirdo."

"Fine." He raised his eyebrows and sat on his bed, gesturing for me to join him. I glanced around and sat at his desk instead. A fraction more comfortable than curling up on a bed beside him. If he wanted intimacy well. Wrong tree. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows, but he didn't say anything. He just tapped the paper and sighed.

"So. Limits." He said. I shrugged.

"Don't have any." A look of annoyance crossed over his face.

"If you won't take this seriously, I'm not doing it." He threatened.

"I am!" I protested. "I don't have limits."

"Ok, great." He said sarcastically. "So you'll be fine if I tell you to come over the night before you have an exam and stick a toilet brush up your ass and leave you there for hours while I go out with my friends." I frowned.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm awful and you have no limits." He said.

"But that's not even playing with me!"

"So you have a limit. You don't want to be ignored for hours." He scribbled something down and I rolled my eyes. "Any others I should know about? Or are you all good when I tell you to come to class with me and do nothing except collect my boogers while I pick my nose?"

"That's fucked!" I laughed. "No!"

"So no super weird stuff in public. Looks like you do have limits, Ihaka." I sighed and bit my lip.

"Looks like I do." I admitted. "How am I meant to know you're gonna ask me to do some fucked go boring thing that barely involves me?"

"Because I won't ask you to do it, if I know it's a limit." He smiled at me. I sank a little in my chair.

"Ok. Fine." I said. "Well. I guess, I don't want to do anything boring that barely involves me."

"Sex only?"

"No, you can play with me. Tie me up. Piss on me. But you have to engage with me. I'm not a piece of furniture."

"Perfect." He said. "We're getting somewhere. Piss ok? Not my thing anyway. Ropes ok?"

"Ropes ok."

"Toys?"

"Yes."

"Punishments?" I twisted my mouth.

"Ye-es." I said slowly. He looked up at me sharply. "For what?" I asked. Because I used to get them for nothing at all. And I didn't like them. He smiled wickedly.

"For bratting."

"I don't!" I said hotly. He snorted.

"Believe that when I see it." He said, writing something down. "Punishments are play." He said. "But I'll only actually be upset if you don't safeword. If you push your limits and freeze me out afterwards." He shrugged. "But I'll punish you for bugging me when you know I have work due. For lying to me." His eyes flickered up and met mine. "Or just because you want one."

"What's a punishment for you?" I asked. "Because I can tell you right now that spanking won't do anything to deter my behaviour." His eyes crinkled.

"You can stand in that corner, fully clothed, and think about what you've done." He laughed as he looked to the corner of his room. I felt myself smile.

"That would do it." I said.

"Good." He said. "Half tempted to get you there right now for making this so hard." I looked at the paper in front of me. Hmm. Real hot, the way he casually said that. And there was NOTHING hot about standing there, untouched... but him telling me to do it, just because he was annoyed with me... well. I could already feel my cock responding.

"Ok, ok." I bit my lip and looked at him. "I'm getting the hang of this. Don't fuck with my study either, if I say I'm busy, I'm busy. I'll come when you tell me to because I like that- but I'll be mad if you make me drop plans or miss class. I hate being ignored and I have no interest in mind games where you call me and don't play with me. I like biting, and spanking, and when you fight with me- I like fighting back but I'll let you win. I like kissing, I like dirty talk. I'd like it if you remind me how weak I am for you, but I won't like it if you make it too personal. Don't ever call me baby. Don't make fun of me if I get a low grade in class or put on weight. Don't be too cute, I don't want this to be a romantic thing. And severe pain is probably out, unless that really turns you on. I don't mind a few scrapes and bruises but I don't have time to end up in hospital. And anything too gross. I'm not going anywhere near your boogers, got it?" Everett smiled at me beatifically.

"Perfect." He said. "You're shaking up to be perfect." He smiled at his paper and my eyes drifted down his list. Huh. He was thorough.

"Red." I answered his next question.

"Red for me also." He said, noting that down. I frowned at him.

"We're not switching." He grunted and looked up at me.

"Dom's drop too." He said. "I say red and we stop. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good boy." I shivered. Asshole. He grinned at my face, which was probably a little pink. MAJOR asshole. But I was asking for it. I guess.

"Do you want to..." He sighed. "Stupid question, of course you don't want to plan scenes. But I do. I'll tell you what I want, and you tell me if any of it is too far. And then we do it. Capiche?"

"More fun if you don't tell me." I grinned at him. "I like surprises."

"I'm full of surprises." He said. "But we're doing it my way." I sighed.

"Fine."

"Good." He grinned. "And you don't do aftercare, obviously."

"I get the feeling that's the wrong answer."

"Smarter than you look." He chuckled. "I'll go first. I need intimacy." Oh brother. He caught my expression. "Not FEELINGS." He said. "Nothing cute. Just intimacy. I want to walk away feeling like I made your day. I want to know you liked it, and you like me..."

"I can't stand you." I reminded him.

"Pretend you do." He said lightly.

"You don't want me lying to you." I smiled.

"Point taken." He sighed. "You don't have to like me then. But maybe you can respect that I'm a person who gets post climax dark thoughts and needs a cuddle." I laughed.

"Ok." I debated that in my head. "Mutually antagonistic cuddling. Sounds delightful."

"Will you do it?" I looked at him and nodded slowly.

"Yes. But grab me a bucket for when I vomit afterwards."