What the hell am I doing here? I say under my breath, as I stand at the bar. The dance music blaring, so loud as if to deter any conversation and just encourage the tactile approach.
I can feel a light film of sweat sticking to me as my heart thudded. My mind a heavy mix of thoughts, fears and fantasies as I tried to work out what might happen and what I would be happy to take part in.
A drink is placed in front of me and the barman nods over to a corner, where an older guy sat. So it had come to this.
This all started a couple of months previously. There I was, a fresh-faced lad, just out of school, starting my first job as an office junior in an insurance company, placed under the wing of an experienced member of staff. Paul had been with the company for close on twenty years and knew the work inside out.
For reasons known only to him, he decided to disclose that he was gay and that he had a husband. Maybe it was to make me feel safe, in case any gossips tried to frighten me about receiving his attention.
As it happened, we hit it off as pals, despite the age gap. I was a naive youngster who, I had to admit, was still a virgin and was curious about his relationship. Paul was in his mid 40's and always had a smart dress sense. Shaven-headed with a neat goatee, he had a thin frame and I couldn't help but imagine what he and his husband, Robbie got up to.
I plucked up the courage to ask one day, fully expecting his wrath but instead got quite the opposite. Paul described that he was the 'bottom' in the relationship, meaning Robbie got to fuck him. He did say they both enjoyed oral sex.
Despite myself, these revelations gave me a full erection, which I tried to hide. Not successfully though and Paul ribbed me for it. I remember getting home that niight and getting my cock out right away, beating it with a fervour I didnt recognise or understand.
Paul had detected the signs. He knew that this was a scratch I needed to itch. Every day my curiosity grew greater. My mind was full of the thought of hard cocks and I knew I was reaching a decision point.
Then everything fell apart. Paul announced he was leaving the work as he and his husband were emigrating to New Zealand. I made a fool of myself, asking for a one-off fling but he was loyal to his partner.
So now, here I was, standing in a gay bar, feeling like an awkward exhibit. The barman had recognised a newbie straight away.
"You got the right place, sir?" he asked in a friendly tone.
"I think so, just getting my bearings, thanks." I answered, trying to sound confident.
"Okay, my name is Andy and I'm here to serve you.....up to a point." He laughed at himself and winked.
"Nice to meet you Andy, I'm Martin and to be honest, I feel lost."
