Disclaimer: Hey guys! Here's another chapter of the Nick and Cory saga. Be mindful that bareback sex will be included from here on out. I still have more in store for these two so look out for the updates as they come. Please let me know what you guys think. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.
*****
I scurried into the restaurant and scooted into that familiar booth beside my friends. This was our spot. We'd been coming here for years after school for a good burger or Rueben. Some days we toasted to cheese fries and onion rings, other days we drowned our sorrows in black and white milkshakes and peach cobbler. My appearance was met with a loud hollering and I made my way down the line, shaking hands and half hugging each of them.
Connor spoke first, "About time you made it, not like you be late Nick." That was met with snickering across the table.
Tyler followed suit, "Come on now guys, my friend Nick here was probably off fantasizing about Casey Montgomery like he did all throughout high school."
I turned red, "You know I really regret telling you that."
Tyler smiled proud, "All good dude. Besides I ran into Casey the other day and he's definitely still straight. He has two kids with two different moms."
Mitch added in, "And to think Nick, one of those kids could be yours." The table erupted in laughter and I shook my head, drinking down the beer set in front of me.
I swallowed, "If I had known I'd get this much support, I would have come out to you guys a lot sooner."
Connor pat my shoulder, "Four years later and that's still the biggest shocker of 2013. I had plans for us man. Quinn's sister was totally into you."
I rolled my eyes thinking about her yet for the life of me, I couldn't remember her name. Truth be told, we were probably into the same kind of guys. It was a different time back then. Re-joining the conversation, I asked, "How is Quinn these days? You guys still going strong?"
Connor nodded, "Seven years later and she hasn't dumped me yet. I count that as lucky."
Tyler pushed, "Dude she's known you since puberty- it's a miracle she hasn't run for the hills."
Mitch sipped his beer, "How bout you Nick? Seeing anyone? You know my barber is gay, I should give you his number."
I sat back for a second riding out Mitch's punchline, wondering what it was that Cory and I were. Last week it was clear that it was just sex but these days between the staying over, and hand-holding and use of the word "baby"- I started to think otherwise.
I snapped back, "Nope- I'm kinda laying low these days. Trying to figure my life out." I looked down, looking at the foam on the surface of my beer wishing that was the whole truth. One way or another, my statement wasn't exactly wrong.
Connor raised his glass, "Well then here's to being 22- a time of your life when you think you're supposed to have all the answers, but the reality is the opposite."
I raised my own beer, cheering "Here, here!" along with the echo of my friends.
The four of us finished up our meal and started to go our separate ways. Mitch and Tyler rode together and were already out the door while Connor and I paid for our bills. As we stepped out of the familiar establishment, Connor rested his hand on my shoulder.
Connor probed, "So what's really going on with you, man?"
I turned, puzzled, "What do you mean?"
Back in the restaurant, "Mitch asked if you were seeing anyone and it took you way too long to answer. You had that classic 'Nick staring off into his inner subconscious' look plastered on your face."
I protested, "Nah dude, I-I"
He stood firm, "Nick. You don't have to play coy with me, dude. I've known you since your family moved here and I suddenly wasn't the only six-year-old in the neighborhood. What's the situation?"
I exhaled, letting down some walls as I spilled the truth. "To be honest. I don't know what the situation is Connor. I met this guy a week ago and we've been hooking up since. And for a while I thought that was it."
He peered his eyes, "But you like him?"
I nodded, "Yeah. I think I do." Hearing those words escape my mouth was a satisfying release of pent up emotion that I held back for a while. I went on, "And lately, I'm starting to think he might like me back."
He raised his arms, "Then what's the problem dude?" I may have been known to examine my life too often, but Connor was the opposite. He was all black and white, right or wrong, yes and no. He always tried to rationalize every situation into two options but it couldn't always be that simple.
I answered trying not to give too much away, "We just can't be together. Not now and maybe not for a while. And there's nothing I can do about it..." I inhaled deeply, trying to hold myself back, finishing off it, "It's complicated."
Connor rested both hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye, offering, "Nick. You spent most of your life hiding a big part of who you are and you did that for reasons all your own. You of all people should be done with hiding. I know I'm making this out to be black and white when in reality, it's probably all shades of grey, but sometimes things are only as complicated as we make them out to be. Promise me you'll at least put yourself out there."
I held my breath. My body was just begging me to tell Connor the full story- to explain all the fucked up shades of grey the actual situation was. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed him to think that it was just two people with wrong timing. I exhaled, but none of that frustration came out. Instead, I offered the words, "I promise." Knowing it wasn't something I could keep.