What I Should Have Said

"Absolutely not... I've told you, my mind is made up and I won't be returning..." Victor spoke barely above a whisper. His voice roused Yuuri from his sleep, ears perking with curiosity. "I'll be coming back for Makka... No. That's final... Goodbye, Mila."

He let out a deep sigh as he rubbed his eyebrows, sitting on a moving box that was against a wall. When he glanced up, he noticed Yuuri.

"Yuuri! Good morning." he said with a smile. "Are you hungry? There's a lovely coffee and bagel shop not too far from here."

"Um.. sure." Yuuri replied, "who was that on the phone?"

"Ah.. sorry. Did I wake you?" He asked, running his hands through his hair. How does he make bed head look so sexy? "It wasn't anyone of importance."

"I don't mean to pry, sorry."

Victor gave a forced grin, "I'll go shower and then we shall go for coffee."

Yuuri nodded, reaching for his clothes- which had been folded up on the bedside table, his phone on top. He glanced at his notifications, a couple messages from Minako and Chris. Oops. I suppose I kind of dipped out on them. He guiltily dialed Minako.

He fiddled with the sheets as the line trilled.

"She's still passed out. Good morning, Yuuri."

"Oh. Good morning, Christophe." He murmured.

"I hope you don't mind. Since it didn't seem like you planned on coming home last night, I borrowed your bed." His voice sharp.

Yuuri shrugged, "I don't mind."

"So, you were with Victor?" He asked quietly.

"Yes?" Yuuri replied cautiously.

"Why?" He asked bluntly.

"Why not?" Yuuri was slightly taken aback. His words bordered on defensive.

"Because he's-..." Christophe bit back his words.

"He's what?" Yuuri asked almost accusingly.

"He's not... He's not the type of guy you think he is." He said slowly, carefully.

"What kind of guy do I think he is?" Yuuri glanced towards the bathroom door, the water was still running. "I thought you two were friends?"

"We are. Just... Be careful, Yuuri."

"Of what?" Yuuri paced the bedroom, his fingers running idly across the top of the dresser.

"Nothing good will come from seeing him, but I can't stop you."

Yuuri kind of scoffed as he absentmindedly lifted the lid off of a small box on the dresser. He felt his heart stop in his chest. His breath caught in his chest when it began again, making a small gasp.

"Yuuri? What's wrong?" His voice was concerned.

"Chris."

"I'm here. Yuuri, what's going on?"

Yuuri's voice trembled slightly. "Is... Is Victor married?"

A defeated sigh was barely audible from the phone. He didn't need to answer.

"Please come pick me up. I'll text you the address." He hung up as he lifted the thin gold band out of the box. The ring felt abnormally heavy in his hand as he stared at it with disbelief. His nose stung as his eyes watered.

No. I won't cry for him. Yuuri stormed out of the apartment without a glance behind.

...

Yuuri shouted with frustration as he fell from the pole once again.

"You're letting that damned Russian get to your head, Yuuri." Minako tutted.

Yuuri groaned a little louder than necessary. "Can we just not talk about him?"

Minako shrugged and gestured for him to resume his routine. He made it through without any serious mistakes but he was still lacking a certain...

"You have the sex appeal of a potato right now. Seriously."

Yuuri's jaw dropped, genuinely hurt. "I just-..." he let out a deep sigh and let himself sink to the floor. "I can't do this, Minako."

"You can. It's not about the routine. It's how you interact with the audience, let go of the routine a little bit. It's about reading the crowd, and responding to them. You'll go from potato to steaming katsudon in no time."

Yuuri nodded. If anyone could give him a lesson on eros, it was her. He stomach growled as he thought of his mother's famous pork dish... Minako giggled as they fished out a snack from their bags.

Yuuri laid on the floor as he ate his apple and protein bar, stretching his sore back. His mind drifted back to Victor as he eyed up the dark hickey on his neck in the mirror. He felt angry, used, sad, upset, and an overwhelming amount of other emotions. Mostly, he felt dumb. How could he have been so stupid? A man like that.. ugh.

"Again?"

"Yeah." He said shortly as he pressed play on the stereo...

He only dared look at his phone after they were leaving the studio. He had only one message from Victor.

Victor

Yuuri, we need to talk. I'm sorry.

Received 10:38AM

Yuuri scoffed, rolled his eyes. His phone began to ring as he went to cram his phone in his pocket.

Incoming call

Victor

He hesitated for almost too long as it threatened to go to his voicemail.

"What?" His voice was sharp, unkind.

"Yuuri.. I know you saw my ring..." When Yuuri replied with silence, Victor breathed heavily, "Yuuri, listen it's not how you think. Yes, I'm married but-"

"That's all I needed to know, Victor. Please don't contact me. I don't want to see you or hear from you again."

Victor's voice desperately began as Yuuri hit the red circle, ending the call.

"Yuuri?" Minako asked gently.

"Let's go. I don't wanna talk about it."

Minako nodded, understandingly as they made their way to the club. Yuuri could feel his own nervous tension making him jittery throughout the night. He had lost a few drinks to the floor and one almost into a customer's lap, his hands shook when he accepted tips and empty glasses. He was cleaning up a drink he had tipped over at the bar when a young woman with short, wavy auburn hair walked over.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for someone."

Yuuri looked up and locked eyes with her gorgeous blue orbs. She smiled, friendly and genuine.

"He's about... this tall," she raised her hand over her head almost a foot, "He's got blue eyes, silver hair... a Russian accent?"

Yuuri about dropped the glass for the second time. There's no way she could be talking about anyone other than Victor.

"Uh... no sorry, I haven't seen that person." he all but mumbled. He felt a twinge in his chest and a small burning in the pit of his stomach; the pain of hurt betrayal. An arm wrapped around his waist tightly from behind the bar.

"He's over there." Chris nodded towards the stage before resting his chin on Yuuri's head that automatically swiveled to survey the area.

"Oh, Christophe! It's so good to see you!"

"Same. How's the season?"

The woman pouted and stamped her foot. "It would be much better if someone hadn't decided to 'take a break' and run away to America!"

Chris chuckled. "Yes, of course. Victor's always been one to surprise people."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Surprise people. That's all he talks about. Just skate, Victor! He's the best skater in the whole of Russia and he wants to what? Watch men and women take off their clothes, no offense. I'm surprised he's avoided the press this long. His career is on the line!" She ranted.

Best skater in Russia?

Chris rubbed Yuuri's head, he could hear the smile in his voice, "No offense taken. But Yuuri here has to go take off his clothes soon. You'd better go find your husband."

Yuuri's stomach lurched at the word...

Husband.

Mila and Christophe exchanged a few more words, they were lost to Yuuri's ears as it continued to roll around in his head.

Husband.

The nausea subsided and was replaced with a slow burn that radiated in the pit of his stomach. He felt angry.

"Husband." He spat out the word.

He was going to make Victor Nikiforov wish he'd never met Yuuri Katsuki. His eyebrows pulled together as he ripped away from Chris's hold, leaving him and Mila behind....

"Welcoming for the very first time to the stage, our very own... Yuuuuuriiii!"

"Will you hold the line? When every one of them is giving up or giving in, tell me..."

The lights behind Yuuri created an alluring sillouette as he leaned seductively against the pole, hanging on loosely with one hand as the other slid up the length of his torso. His head and neck rolled to the side as he caressed them.. touching his body like so many of the audience members wished to do.

"...that's the price you pay, l eave behind your heartache, cast away..."

The lights pulsed in time with the music as Yuuri gripped the pole with both hands and snapping his hips forward continuously against the metal. He swung himself upwards off of the floor, posing seductively a few times as he shimmied high above the ground. Yuuru twisted himself around on the pole until he was upside down, allowing his legs to spread wide above him into a spread eagle. The audience roared.

"...cause you're a natural, a beating heart of stone..."

He couldn't help but smirk as he heard the crowd while making his way down the metal. He latched on with his legs, allowing his torso to lean back and giving off a nice view of his stomach.

"...cut until it bleeds, not a world without the peace..."

For a moment the memory of Christophe floods his mind, hovering over him... Lips only inches away. He releases the pole, allowing his hands to wander his chest.

"...rather be the hunter than the prey..."

He glances around at the audience. Many of them are smiling, hooting and tossing up money. A few are a little slack jawed. His eyes locked onto one man in particular, a Russian with silver hair, bared almost no expression. He watched as Yuuri made his way down the pole, his eyes focused and his lithe fingers pressed tightly to his lips. The woman from before is sitting next to him, pouting. Her arms and legs are crossed and she had tucked herself as far into the booth as possible.

"...you gotta be so cold, t o make it in this world..."

Seeing Victor triggered something inside Yuuri as his feet returned to the stage.

"Let's kick it up a notch" he breathed as he stopped in front of a younger man who was holding up a few bills. He grabbed the man's hand, pressing it flush against Yuuri's chest as he slowly sank into a split. The crowd cheered and oogled as he swung his legs around, hooking them over the man's shoulders to pull him close. Yuuri caressed his cheek gently before giving him a small pat and sending him on his way.

"...deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading..."

He prowled the stage for his next victim. Spotted. A middle aged man has a fist full of cash, leaning towards the entrancing performer. Yuuri slinked across the stage on his hands and knees, breifly splaying his legs out, teasing the audience behind him. He reached the man, rolling over onto his back. He arched his back as he dragged the money across his body.

"...I can taste it, the end is upon us... "

Yuuri rose and tramped through the tables full of men and woman flashing their cash like they're hailing a cab. He ignored them, his eyes locked on the beautiful blue eyed, silver haired man. He stopped but 5 feet away, Victor's hand dropping from his pursed lips, eyes widening a bit.

Ah, there it is. Yuuri thought.

He smirked and stopped directly in front of Victor, leaning back into another man's lap. He threw his head back to rest on the other man's shoulder as he guided the man's hands up his thighs, hips and sides. He legs spread as he exposed himself to the stranger. He even let a gasped moan escape for good measure as he locked onto a glowering blue scowl.

"...living your life cutthroat, you gotta be so cold... "

Yuuri turned his attention back to the other man as he straddled him, pumping his hips against the man. The crowd hooted and screamed at the act, money being thrown in his general direction.

Victor stood, storming out from the club. Yuuri watched as his wife chased out after him before heading back to the stage as the song came to a close.

"...yeah, you're a natural."

His arms wrapped tightly around his middle in a sultry pose, his pulse still racing in his ears dulled the whooping and hollaring from the crowd.

...

"That was...... Wow." Chris crooned as soon as Yuuri exited the stage.

"Yeah, I went a little overboard... This is so embarrassing, I re-"

"It was amazing. I never expected so much raw passion and sexuality to come from my sweet, innocent Yuuri."

"I'm not so innocent..." He mumbled, his cheeks flushing.

"No, I suppose you're not." His fingers grazed the fading hickey on Yuuri's neck. Yuuri pulled away, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Listen Chris, I don't want to talk about what happened. It's over, it's done. I just..."

"Come over tonight. I'll make you forget you ever met him."

Yuuri blushed and nodded. He didn't need a shady Russian to get in his way. Chris was sexy too, in a more flamboyant in your face kind of way, but sexy nonetheless.

"Go get dressed, you deserve a break"

He dressed into his street clothes and allowed Chris to lead him away from the crowd, to a back door that lead to a narrow alleyway not far from the main street.

"Yuuri." Chris breathed desperately against the younger man's mouth. Yuuri's lips parted to allow Chris's tongue to enter. He kissed differently from Victor. It was gentle but somehow more hurried. His lips moved quickly, tongue darting around Yuuri's mouth.

"Victor! I don't know what you're trying to prove. You're being ridiculous!" A female voice shouted from the street.

Yuuri stiffened noticeably as Christophe's enthusiasm dissipated. He glared towards the road.

"Mila... calm down. This isn't the time or place. I'm going home."

"Your home is in Russia, you selfish man!"

Victor stormed past the alley way, sparing a quick glance in their direction. It took a moment for his feet to catch up with his brain as he stumbled to a halt.

A look of confusion was quickly overtaken by rage as he strode over to the couple. He gripped Chris by the collar of his shirt and threw him a couple feet back.

"Christophe. This is your doing, isn't it?" He demanded.

Chris stumbled when thrown back but didn't fall. He brushed off his sleeves anyways before squaring up to Victor.

He smirked a little, "I did nothing but tell a wife where to find her cheating husband."

Victor scoffed with disbelief. He looked both surprised and enraged before a look of guilt finally settled on his face. He glanced from Christophe, to Yuuri and finally back to his wife.

No one spoke or moved for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Christophe sauntered over to Yuuri, grasping his upper arm firmly.

"Come on, Yuuri, let's go to my place. You don't need this shit." He said as he pulled at Yuuri. The younger man's feet felt like lead as he stumbled into movement after Christophe.

Victor took a few steps in their direction as if to catch Yuuri, before finally his hands fell to his sides, shoulders slumped.

"Victor, I think it is time we left." Mila stated gently as she reached for her husband's arm, only to be swatted away as the men walked out to the street.

***

A loud rapping sounded through Victor's apartment.

"I'm coming." Victor grumbled as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants. "Who on earth..."

His breath caught in his chest as he peeked out into the hallway.

"Yuuri? What are you doing here? I thought-"

"I'm not here to talk, Victor."

"Yuuri, listen... I-" he started before getting cut off again.

"If you don't want this, just say so. I'll leave and you wont have to hear from me ever again." He paused, "but if you do... I don't want to talk. Those are my conditions."

Victor nodded slowly, stepping to the side to allow Yuuri to enter.

Yuuri's heart hammered in his chest as he quickly lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor as he strutted to Victor's bedroom. When he looked back, Victor was still holding the door handle, looking bewildered.

Yuuri rummaged around in Victor's nightstand until he found the small bottle of lubricant. He slipped his pants down hastily and spread a generous amount onto his fingers before knealing onto the bed. He reached around awkwardly to insert his fingers into himself. He pressed hard, forcing his way in as he impatiently readied himself for Victor.

A gentle kiss pressed Yuuri's shoulder as Victor caressed his hand, attempting to remove it.

"Let me."

Yuuri shook his head. "I'm fine. Stop."

He winced a little as Victor pushed a finger in next to his own.

"I said knock it off! I can do it myself!" Yuuri all but yelled.

He felt Victor pull away, his warmth going with him. His actions told Yuuri that he was willing to comply with whatever Yuuri demanded.

Just to get a fuck, huh? He fumed as he jammed two extra fingers in, grunting.

He was somewhat surprised when Victor laid down in front of him on the bed, lazily stroking himself as he

Yuuri's eyes narrowed suspiciously at the man as he removed his fingers, climbing on top of him. He clenched his teeth as he forced Victor inside of him, letting out a hiss.

"Ahhh... Yuuri? Stop." Victor's eyes squeezed tight as he gripped Yuuri's thighs. "You're too tight.. and if it's hurting me, I can't imagine that it feels good for you either."

I don't want it to feel good. I hate you. Don't make this feel good because then I'll just want you all over again...

Tears welled up in Yuuri's eyes as he let Victor shift him so that his head was resting on Victor's shoulder.

"It does hurt. It hurts so much." He whispered.

"Oh, Yuuri... I know. I'm sorry." Victor shushed him softly as he ran his hands over Yuuri's shaking body. He massaged and caressed him until he no longer shifted with discomfort but with a growing need. His hips grinded against the man hungrily. Soon he was leaning back letting out a string of moans and sighs as Victor pressed against his most senstive spot with each thrust.

Yuuri dismounted the other man as soon as they both climaxed, his legs dangling off the side of the bed. He reached down and tried to sort out the mess that was his pants.

"Wait.." Victor's voice sounded strangled as he reached out for the man. Yuuri flinched and his shoulders visibly tensed. "Please, I..."

Yuuri didn't move. Victor got up from the bed, walking around to stand in front of Yuuri who avoided the gaze of the man who loomed over him.

"Again." was all Victor could seem to manage. A small gasp escaped the younger man's lips as he was tossed back onto the bed and his thigh pushed up to his chest.

Victor dragged his finger over Yuuri's leaking hole, pushing it in just slightly. Yuuri groaned as his dick twitched with interest.

I need to leave. I promised myself. I need to...

"Victor, I need- I need..."

Victor flipped Yuuri into his stomach, his thigh still hitched up high, leaving his ass spread. He groaned loudly as he felt Victor's tongue press in to taste his own release inside him.

Just... just one more time.. one more time, then I'll leave forever...

...

He squirmed with Victor still inside him what seemed like hours later. He panted and moaned desperately as he was slammed into repeatedly. His arms were being used as leverage to yank him backward onto Victor's dick. He trembled on his knees wondering why in God's name hasn't Victor come yet.

He could feel Victor's damp forehead press against his back as jerked into him again, hips stuttering. Finally, he thought, his thighs shook with strain as he struggled to keep himself kneeling.

He let go of Yuuri's wrists, letting him fall forward onto the bed because he lacked the strength left to hold himself up. He lost count of how many times he had came as another orgasm ripped deep through his body.

Yuuri swore he heard the other man give a small chuckle as Victor sheathed himself deep inside, semen seeping out and down his thigh.

I think I love...

"I really hate you, Victor." Yuuri mumbled into the pillow. He could barely keep his eyes open.