Andy was feeling a little dizzy when his mother woke him in the morning to go to school. He had a pretty rough night, tossing and turning and thinking about the day that was ahead of him. But, most of all, he thought a lot about what had happened the weekend that had just passed.
He was really afraid to show up in school, terrified of what would others think of him now, after everything. But a little bit of joy was born inside his soul, making him tremble with desire. Once again. Not again, a small voice said, but something else, stronger even than him, was restless and unnerving, leaving his bones like melted butter.
He finally woke up, ate something that his mother had left for him in the kitchen and then, all washed and dressed up, he encouraged himself to take one step after the other. Last year in high school and this had to happen! Andy was still dumbfounded, what was that all about, after all? 18 years and one mistake!
Only one mistake, he thought! But that seemed enough to make of him now the laughing stock of the entire school. And he could not understand why, after all these years of being a good boy, of learning all stuck up in books and taking care to be a perfect normal teenager. Eat well, learn for hours, exercise as you may and please, don't do all that stuff that kids do when they want to upset their parents!
All was laid out pretty nicely for him until he got struck. Struck by what? By lightning? Somehow, that seemed a little bit more alluring for the moment, but, in fact, Andy was glad to be alive. So alive!
He passed the gateway and he was headed for his classroom when someone called:
"Hey, Andy!"
He turned and saw the person that he was so afraid, and yet, so eager to encounter. Jack, the school famous reject, older than anyone else, because he had to repeat one year, was striding across the high school lawn and he was coming towards him, with a sneer on his face. Andy stopped with reluctance and Jack grabbed his shoulders and kissed him on the mouth just right there.
The passers-by began to laugh and Andy, with his eyes tightly shut, could picture what they were thinking: "Andy is Jack's boyfriend now, madly in love, indeed, and what happened with that passion for Brad? Oh, all gone, so quickly! Andy might be cute, but, come on, how can you let somebody like Brad for somebody like Jack? That was so not it!"
What Andy could not think of, though, was that he caused a lot of envy, too, and not few were the glances of admiration. But Andy could not see that, all lost in Jack's tight embrace, in that kiss, still so powerful and overwhelming, that he was feeling like he could live without air for hours and hours.
***
All had started right after the football game. The whole school had watched how their brave team crushed the opponents. And Brad was looking gorgeous that day. As usual, Andy was day-dreaming about him, the most beautiful boy in school, and everybody was aware of his so called 'hidden' passion for the football player, everybody but Brad, or so he had thought until that day.
So others boys and girls commented on his dreamy face, full with longing, when Brad disappeared to the locker rooms after enjoying the victory with his team mates and the fans.
And then, the couch yelled at Andy and he gave him that little medal, telling him to go to Brad and give it to him as his beautiful wife was waiting for him to celebrate together. Andy walked timidly into the boys' locker room, his head empty, his heart full.
The naked bodies, the warm scent of joy, all was mixing in his head, making him weak in the knees. And then he saw Brad, so beautiful, so full of himself, confident and happy. He was instantly lost for words.
He just held the couch medal and pointed at Brad, bubbling and not making any sense of it all. But Brad had been quicker than him. He took the medal from his stiff hand with a smile and than he raised his arm and grabbed Andy's chin between two fingers, caressing the cute face. And those words, Andy felt a little bit like dying right there when he heard those words.
"Here is my prize then, ha?"
Andy blushed, wondering if it could be true, Brad thinking of him as a prize. But he did not have enough time for thinking as Brad took him in his arms, pushing his naked body into him and kissing him like crazy.
All the boys were cheering and joking and laughing around them, but, for Andy, it was like the whole universe had stopped magically and only he and Brad were there, alone and in love.
He did not know exactly when the kiss had stopped, it could have lasted for ages, as long as he was concerned. And Brad laughed at him and said, kissing him gently, once again, on his swollen lips:
"I am waiting you at my 19th birthday party, then, right?"
***
The party, alas, finally! Andy thought a lot what to dress, how to comb his hair, what shoes to wear. All of a sudden, everything became so complicated and the result was far from being satisfactory.
When he looked in the mirror, all that he could think of was that he was not a match for Brad and that kiss was only an accident, Brad being so happy because of the victory and Andy just happening to be there when the football star wanted to kiss somebody, just for fun and nothing more.
But still, he could not bring himself to let down his own hopes, so hope that was that made him pass the door, get into the street and to the house where the party was being held.
Andy entered, hoping for the best, expecting the worst. When he finally saw Brad, the beautiful boy was surrounded by many teenagers, boys and girls, all looking very happy to be in such a wonderful company.
Andy retired in a corner, afraid to be seen, so helpless and so needing. He did not care very much for what was to be done in a situation like this, so he was a little unprepared. Plus, he was very much used to live his passion inside, without really thinking that the tables could turn one day. So he sat there, all eyes and ears, all his attention on his lovely Brad. And when the football player saw him, he blushed like a girl.
But Brad did not call him, nor did he do anything to prove that he noticed him. And Andy felt like a stiletto was stabbing his young heart.
So he just fiddled around, with a can of beer in his hands, stealing occasional glances in the direction of the object of his desires. Somebody was watching him, in the same way that he watched Brad, but he did not notice that until a firm hand pressed his shoulder.
"Hey, Andy! What are you doing? Hoping for Brad to notice you?"
A little mockery felt through the young person's voice, and when he turned, Andy recognized Jack, another boy in school, one with a bad reputation, long black hair and leather jacket. All in his composure spelled 'trouble' and Andy backed away a little.
"Hey, hey, come here!" The hand held him still, making it impossible for him to move without performing a strange stunt. "I would like to help you," the voice like tainted silk embraced his ear.
Jack brought Andy closer to whisper this, like sharing a big, big secret. Andy blushed again, he could feel the young man's aftershave in his nostrils, that close he was. Too close, he thought and already felt a little trembling passing through his body.
"Hi, Jack," he managed to utter in a low tone, trying to sound casually, even though he had never spoken to Jack before. But he knew who that was.
