It all started a few weeks ago while I sat in a bar after a long day of searching through the want ads.
"How's it going?" said the clean headed muscle man who sat down next to me.
"Not the best," I said, looking up from the paper. "I've been slogging around town all morning, looking for a job."
"No luck?" he asked, looking me over with ice-blue eyes.
"Not really," I said.
"Well," he said, motioning the bartender, "maybe I can take some of the sting out of that for you. Two more here, Ben."
I smiled and raised my glass, "Thanks."
"Anything to help a struggling young man," he said, raising his glass. "I'm Tom."
"I'm Leo," I said, smiling. "It's nice to meet you."
I'll leave you alone with your paper," said Tom, picking up his fresh glass and standing, "but if there's anything else I can do for you, please, let me know."
"Sure," I said, smiling, "and thanks."
He gave me a little wiggle of the eyebrows as he left, but I didn't pay any attention. I went back to reading my want ads.
"Better be careful with that one, son," said Ben, the silver haired bar tender. "He's got a monster in his pants and he loves to use it to break in the freshmen."
"A monster in his pants?" I said. "What do you mean?"
Ben stopped rubbing the empty glass for a second and put both palms on the bar, leaning down to look me in the eyes. "What kind of a place do you think this is, kid?"
The want ads hit the bar top as I opened my eyes wide and really took in my surroundings for the first time. The bar was quiet and dark in the heat of the day, but there were none of the familiar trappings of the bars in the town where I grew up. There were no posters of ring girls hawking their favorite flavor of yellow beer, no tired eyed waitresses scooping up empties off the table, in fact, there were no women at all.
"Wait a minute," I said, eyes going wide, "what kind of a bar is this?"
Ben smiled, letting a row of even white teeth split his beard, "You really didn't know, did you?"
"This really is," I said, my throat suddenly dry, "a gay place."
"It really is," said Ben, his smiled unchanging.
"And that guy over there," I hazarded a glance at Tom, leaning against a high top table, "he was..."
"Trying to pick you up?" supplied Ben. "Yup, that's exactly what he was doing. He'll be glad to know that his penchant for picking the curious straights out of the crowd is still working."
"Curious straights?" I said. "You mean me?"
"You're the only straight guy in this gay bar," said Ben, "so I must mean you."
"But I didn't know," I said, sputtering, "in fact, I think I should just leave."
"Come on, Leo," said Ben, you can finish your beer. "No one is going to bother you. Look, I'll even go ever and tell Tom your story. He'll think its funny, just like me."
"You sure," I asked, looking around myself with suspicious eyes, "I don't want to have a problem."
"Don't be silly, kid," said Ben, slapping me on the shoulder. "Finish your beer."
I took a nervous sip as Ben walked over to tell Tom and his buddies my story. I managed a weak smile when they looked over and roared with laughter.
Ben came back a few minutes later and said, "See, no worries. Tom thought it was hilarious. He also said he'd buy you another beer to offset the misunderstanding, if you'd like."
I looked over at Tom, who was watching me, and raised my glass, "Thanks again," I said.
"So?' said Ben.
"So, what," I asked.
"Do you want the beer, even if you have to drink it with a bunch of queers?"
"I'm not like that," I said. "I don't think any less of you guys for what you do, and I'm broke as flat as the pavement, so sure, I'll have that beer."
As Ben was pouring, Tom sidled up to me. "Sorry about the misunderstanding, kid," he said. "I just assumed that you knew where you were."
"I'm new in town," I told him. "I haven't gotten everything figured out just yet."
"That's no crime," said Tom, his big hand slapping me on the back.
"Thanks again for the beers," I said, slurping the foam off the fresh one that Ben had just sat down in front of me.
"No thanks necessary, kid," he said. "It's all part of the dance."
"What dance?"
"The mating dance," said Tom. "You really are new to all of this, or you'd already now how it works."
"Well," I said, "I've picked up girls before."
"You straight guys have no idea," said Ben, chiming in. "You chase around after a piece of tail all night, walk her to the door, and hope to get a kiss."
"So?"
"Guys who met at the same time would have fucked before you'd been overcharged for dinner," said Tom, sipping at his beer.
"That fast?" I asked.
"You know how bad you want to fuck when you go out," said Tom, his eyes drilling into mine.
"Sure," I said.
"Just imagine if your date felt the same way."
"Wow," I said. "You guys must get laid all the time."
"We do alright," said Tom laughing, "and it's not just getting laid."
"It's not?" I said.
"Oh no," said Tom, it's a lot easier to get your cock sucked too."