Kentucky is known for three perfect things: the Kentucky Derby in May (the world's best horse race), Kentucky Bourbon (the world's best drink), and, of course, Kentucky Basketball (the world's best college basketball program). In Kentucky, all boys grow up wanting to play basketball for UK. It's like a law or something. Of course, almost none of us make it, so we just watch the games (live at Rupp Arena if at all possible) and pretend.
Matt, Ed and I had grown up together. We lived in the same town, went to the same school, even occasionally dated the same girls. It just seemed natural that we would all go to the same college.
The University of Kentucky. Basketball Capital of the Universe.
Our first week in Lexington was a mildly drunken party. And of course the highlight was breaking into Rupp Arena to actually walk on the floor.
We had lived in the dorms for our first three years there and finally decided that we had finished with that life. No alcohol, signing in and out, no parking nearby and all of the other hassles of dorm life had finally gotten to us. We decided to get an apartment not too far from campus for our glorious senior year. Before the end of our last semester as juniors we signed a lease and got ready for party central.
Then Ed managed to screw up the plan. He and his girlfriend Tammy had to get married that summer and he left us short one roommate.
Don't get me wrong. Ed and Tammy would have gotten married right after graduation anyway. It was just the timing that was the problem. Matt and I gave Ed a great bachelor party and set about finding someone else for the third bedroom. We placed an ad in the school paper and sure enough the calls came in the next day. We had assumed that our undiscovered friend would be male, but as things turned out the first person who showed up with actual money was a she. And what a she. Her name was Barbara and she moved in the next morning.
Matt and I were helping her move in her stuff and unpack a little when we discovered exactly how big a mistake we had made.
Barbara was an Indiana fan.
Now, Indiana is the hated rival of UK. Two of the loudest and most raucous UK basketball fans in the world had just rented out to the enemy. We made a bunch of jokes about how we had done it to convert her, but the truth was that we just didn't think to ask. You know what happens when you assume things.
Despite the lack of basketball agreement, we seemed to get along fine. Barbara paid her part of the bills on time and generally kept to herself. We gradually got to know her over a period of the first few weeks. She was an English major who was attended the hated rival school because she had won a scholarship. Her love for IU basketball was deep; she had banners in her room and even a poster of the IU National Championship team from some insignificant year in the past.
We got used to drinking that wonderful Brown in the evenings after classes ended and talking about anything that came to mind. There was everything from professors we had in common to some pretty inviting sexual flirtation, but nothing ever really came of it. We became like best buds and got comfortable with each other. But the basketball ribbing just kept getting more intense the closer we got to basketball season.
The night before the UK-IU game we were all sitting in the living room and had already gone through most of a bottle of Kentucky's finest.
"When my Hoosiers kick your little Kitty Cats' asses tomorrow I'm never going to let the two of you live it down," she said.
I had to defend the Cats. "Those wimps couldn't beat our high school team. Look at the points. We rule the boards. We've got the best forward in the nation. No way in hell those pussies are going to win," I said with only a slight slur to my words.
"So put your money where your mouth is."
"How much?" Matt asked.
"A hundred bucks. Each."
"No way. If you win you get $200. If we win we only get $50 apiece. That's hardly fair," he replied. "Besides, if any of the three of us had that kind of money we'd be at the game in person instead of watching it on television."
"So what are the stakes going to be?" she asked. "If losing the bet doesn't hurt a little it's no fun."
For a long time I had nursed along a fantasy of getting Barbara in bed. I had seen her a time or two walking around the apartment at night when she thought no one else was up. She had a penchant for wearing t-shirts and panties and I had masturbated over that image several times.
"Okay, I've got it. I'll be back in a minute," Matt said. When he came back he held up a pair of white panties with the UK Wildcat logo on them. "If UK wins, you have to wear only these panties in the house. Nothing else. For a week."
Her mouth dropped open. "It's the middle of winter. I'd get cold."
"We'll turn the heat up," Matt said.
"And what do I get when Indiana wins?"
"What do you want?" I asked with a smile.
"I don't know. You guys walk around in shorts and boxers all the time, so seeing you in IU boxers would be fun, but not equal to the thrill you'll get if I have to parade around for the two of you."
"Well, it wouldn't be that much of a thrill," Matt stammered.