The Graduate Course -- Human Sexuality
You wouldn't think persuading college kids to have sex would be a challenge. But sometimes, things aren't as simple as they appear.
I've previously written about my college's psychology program on human sexuality, which consists not just of book learning, but clinical exercises. It was a transformative experience, and the pathway to guilt-free exploration of sexuality.
It motivated me to enter the graduate program to train to be a sex therapist. One of the requirements for aspiring therapists was to design a clinical study focusing on a sexual issue, and to recruit individuals for the study. We could offer cash payments of $500 to each participant. But our professor had added a complication - he insisted that we had to recruit individuals who had never participated in one of the department's prior sex studies - eliminating the repeaters, a cadre of horny individuals, usually guys, eager for some titillation.
I teamed up with Dawn, another grad student and my girlfriend. The first challenge was to find a topic worthy of study. We considered the usual issues: frigidity, sexual dysfunction, gender confusion, fetishes, but we couldn't think of a new angle to explore.
"It's made even harder," Dawn complained, "because the professor eliminated our usual pool of sex addicts. We'll be recruiting virgins. What fun is that?"
"That's an interesting thought," I said. "Virgins - that dwindling resource. Maybe we can focus on their special needs."
"Well," said Dawn, "anybody still a virgin today after high school is either terribly shy, or awkward around the opposite sex - probably even terrified of them. So, maybe that's our angle - how to make virgins comfortable enough to have sex - and not just with the 'love of their life' -- but for the unbridled joy of it."
"But how would we do it? How to undo social awkwardness in a week?"
"That's the challenge. But it should be fun trying."
So it was that we prepared a notice for the student newspaper.
"Wanted. Subjects for a week-long departmental study on human sexuality. Volunteers must not be currently - or ever -- sexually active. Must be willing to venture outside of their normal comfort level. Cannot have participated previously in a study on sexuality. $500 stipend."
We didn't overtly advertise for virgins (we were afraid they'd be embarrassed to identify themselves) but in the interview process we weeded out anyone if they weren't. We ended up with 4 men and 4 women. Our eight had, at most, only dabbled gingerly with sexual foreplay, not leading to intercourse.
Day 1. 'Getting to Know You.' "Welcome. We're delighted you've agreed to be part of our study on human sexuality. I'm Kevin, and this is Dawn. We'll be doing some exercises, with the goal of furthering your understanding of the opposite sex - and of sex itself. All we ask is that you follow our lead - - and leave your preconceived notions, and inhibitions, aside. You may be uncomfortable at first, maybe even embarrassed. But when we're done, I'm certain you'll look back at this week as a positive experience."
One of the students, Amy, spoke. "How might we be embarrassed?"
Amy was one of our first selections. An only child, raised strictly, she had never had sex, and only dated a few times in high school. It was our view that she was afraid of men. She signed up for the $500.
"It would be different for different people," I answered, "but we'll be discussing and viewing body parts and functions. Not everyone is used to that. But everyone is in the same boat here. And all that happens in this study remains strictly confidentiality."
For the first day, we just wanted the participants to become comfortable with each other. (We'd get to the interesting stuff soon enough.) So we did some "ice breaking" topics with them, having each talk about themselves.
Afterwards, we took the group to the sauna at the college fitness center, which we had arranged would be reserved just for us. The students changed into bathing suits (we had instructed them to bring one) in separate locker rooms, and we met at the sauna. Our purpose was to introduce them to each other's bodies, in a non-threatening way.
Everyone chatted amiably and sweated. It was natural they'd begin to bond, all being students of similar ages. A few of the men and women stretched out on the sauna benches. Others remained upright (limiting the display of their bodies.) We then had everyone shower together to cool off from the sauna. Even though all kept their bathing suits on in the shower, the act felt forbidden; men and women don't normally shower together. And the water made their swimwear cling to their bodies. Not overtly sexual, but raising the interest level. We didn't want to scare anyone off by going too fast.
Day 2. 'The Anatomy of a Woman.' "Welcome back everyone. Our exercise today will essentially be a repeat of your high school sex education class. Only instead of drawings, you'll be studying a live body."
Eyebrows among the 8 were raised, and there was some nervous laughter. They had to have anticipated something like this, but now it was said explicitly. And we knew from our interviews that most of the students had never seen the opposite sex fully nude before.
"We'll review a female body first. Dawn and I will instruct you in the physiology of a woman and how she responds to sexual arousal. We'd like a volunteer. Who among the ladies would be willing to be our subject?"
As we anticipated, there was dead silence. No woman moved a muscle.
"OK, no one should do something they don't want to. Dawn will be the volunteer."
The women exhaled. All the men's eyes moved to Dawn, measuring her breasts, her middle, her behind, anticipating what she'd look like naked.
Dawn came forward and stripped off her clothes. Dawn is 5'4" with a nice figure, medium-sized, well-proportioned breasts with a brown areola, and an adorable, tight, runner's behind. Her vulva is covered with soft, brown pubic hair, neatly trimmed. We had a medical-style exam table positioned at the front, and Dawn, nude, climbed onto it, on her back.
All the students gathered around the table.
I spoke: "I don't have to identify what breasts are; they're the most talked about and observed body part. But I want you to feel their softness, and the ridges of the nipples. Reach in one-by-one and touch Dawn."
No woman moved. Finally, one guy gingerly stroked the breast, and circled the nipple. That broke the ice.
Everyone, including the women, touched and massaged Dawn's breast. Most of the girls had never touched another woman, and the freedom to compare what they knew of their own body to another woman, was somewhat liberating.
"Observe the nipples now," I said. "Later, if Dawn becomes aroused, you may see a change in them. They'll harden and protrude. The other major sex organ is the vagina. It's also known as the birth canal as it leads to the uterus. Note the outer lips, and the two lesser lips inside."
I moved Dawn's legs and spread the lips apart to illustrate.
"Of critical importance for our purposes is the clitoris, here, which is this small, very sensitive erectile organ at the top of the vulva."
I was being clinical in how I discussed it, but this wasn't sex ed. Our purpose was to expose them to nudity, freeing them for what we had in store later.
"Very gently, you can circle the clitoris. In a romantic situation, this will impart great pleasure to the female. Try it."
This was assuredly not a romantic situation, and neither I nor Dawn was certain how she was going to respond to multiple students touching her. Gingerly, one fellow put his hand on her vulva, and rubbed it, rising to the clitoris. He circled that organ, as the next student began his circuit around this most intimate part of a woman's body. Another was still rubbing on Dawn's nipples. I could see her breathing begin to quicken as she flushed from the pleasurable sensations. We hadn't been sure if this experiment would cause Dawn to become aroused, but the eroticism of having 8 sets of eyes looking at her body, 8 hands touching her, was too much. Dawn looked at me, signaling that she was becoming aroused.
