I am not sure why I too the pill. I suppose that it seemed like a good idea at the time, or rather, it didn't, and I was done with good ideas. A full course load during my senior year of University was a good idea so that I would be ahead when I started graduate school in the fall. Coming home for spring break to rest and work on my senior thesis instead of heading to the beach with my roommate was also a good idea. I had been full of good ideas from a young age, and my life was showing the results. I was the first in my cohort, and a full scholarship to continue. I had given up the experimentation that most young adults pursue during college and in exchange I had delved deep into the world of psychology. There was little time for beer or parties when I had been given full access to the student labs. My weekends were spent with the professors. No, I wasn't in their beds, trying to raise my grades; I was sharing coffee and discussing the latest research in behavioral therapy.
The last weekend of spring break my thesis was complete. I was at home, in an empty house, and had nothing to do. I had not experienced that sensation for at least four years. I called Hannah, my only friend from high school who had stayed in town. She had emailed me at the beginning of the break, asking to meet up if I had time. I hadn't, but suddenly I did. I decided that I would see what the wild blonde was up to. Of course she was up to the same things that she had been up to in high school; all night parties, and sleeping off hangovers the next morning. She invited me to tag along to the party that she was going to.
The party was the classic spring break trash. By eleven the house that it was being held in smelled of beer sloshed on the floor and sweat from dancing bodies. Couples were making out in the corners. I was beginning to think that I would just go home, but realized that Hannah had driven and, sandwiched between two young men, she did not look like she would be leaving any time soon. I was debating calling my father's friend, Dan, to see if I could sleep over at his house. He lived two doors down from the party and was such a good family friend that the request would not be questioned. I was just about to head outside when a younger boy offered me a pill.
"You look like you could use a little more fun," he said, opening up his fist to reveal a large blue pill.
"I don't think I need that kind of fun," I rolled my eyes.
"Sure you do. You've never done x before, have you?"
"No, of course not."
"Of course not!" he mocked me, "You're a psych major, aren't you?"
"Yeah. Did Hannah tell you?"
"Nope, I can just tell. The way you watch everyone. You are judging us. No, no, not in a bad way. Maybe judging is the wrong word. You are evaluating. You went off to the big city to learn about life, and I believe you did, sure. But you will learn more from one night with this pill than you learned all your time at college."
"Yeah, right."
He shrugged and closed his hand, "I was just offering."
I reached my hand out and stopped him from turning away. "You know, wait. Thanks. I think I could use a little more fun."
He smiled, "Right on!" He handed me the pill, and kissed my cheek, "Have fun, lady."
I found a bottle of water and put the pill on my tongue. It was bitter and the water did not help to wash the flavor down. I became suddenly nervous as I waited for it to kick in. Sure, I had studied the effects of ecstasy. I knew what to expect. I had even seen my roommates come home still slightly high on it. It wasn't exactly a scary drug, but I had heard some horror stories. I realized that I knew no one at the party that I was at. I couldn't find Hannah and assumed that she had decided on one of the boys that she was with, or maybe both of them, and moved to a more secluded spot to increase the level of groping they were involved in. Young men just waiting to take advantage of young women surrounded me, and I had to get out of there.
I made my way to the front door, and out of the house, and immediately felt better as the cool night air rushed in around me. My skin tingled and I realized that the pill must have been taking affect. Perhaps that was what had spurred my moment of panic. I felt the first waves of pleasure rush over me like the tiny bubbles at the head of a wave and I thought that maybe it hadn't been such a bad idea. But I had no desire to head back into that hot, crowded room when the night looked so beautiful.
I remembered my earlier thought of going to Dan's house. He was a sweet guy, about ten years younger than my father. They met at the hospital where they both worked and immediately became good friends. Dan was a lot like the cool uncle of the family, and I thought that there was a good chance that he would still be awake on a Saturday night. He would know how to take care of a stupid college girl who had decided, in a moment of weakness, to fold to peer pressure, and most importantly he was not the type of man to judge me.
I rang his doorbell and heard it echo through his empty house. A wave of disappointment rushed over me, surprising me with its strength. I didn't know what to do and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Then I heard the slight whisper of voices coming from his back yard. Of course the voices were not whispering, they just sounded like it. I grinned and headed through the gate at the side of his house.
Dan was in his hot tub, with two other men. They each had a beer and were watching a basketball game on his large screen television. The whisper that I heard had actually been a cheer that had come when a basket had been made. I felt exposed and awkward. I didn't know what to stay, so I just stood there, until one of the men nudged Dan and nodded over to me.
"Samantha?" Dan asked, "Is something wrong?"
"I... I... I didn't know where to go," I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I felt foolish.
Dan immediately hopped over the side of the hot tub and crossed the yard to stand in front of me. His skin was dripping and looked incredibly smooth. I had never noticed how well he kept his physique.
"What happened?"
"Dan, please don't be mad."
"I won't be mad, just tell me."
"I... took ecstasy." I hung my head in shame and a hot tear rolled down my cheek. The warmth of it felt great even through my shame.
I waited for his disappointment to attack me. I waited for what felt like forever and he said nothing. Then, suddenly, he laughed. His laughter was big and rolling and it surrounded me, and I suddenly felt very happy. I giggled a bit.
"You mean, you are high, right now?"
"Yeah, I was at a party, but I got scared."
"Aw, poor, baby! You shouldn't be scared. Ecstasy can be a very pleasurable thing. Come here, we'll take care of you."
He opened his arms to me and I gave him a large, wet hug. I felt safe and secure in his arms and I laughed again. He led me over to the hot tub.
"Bill, Chris, this is Tony's daughter, Samantha. She had a bit of a night, and now she's going to hang out with us. That okay?"
They immediately knew that I was high. I am not sure if they had heard our conversation or if it was just kicking in so strongly that they could see it on my face. They looked completely friendly, and like the three of them had been having a pleasurable night.
"Why don't you get in the hot tub with us?" Bill offered, "We are watching the game, still have half an hour to go."
"Okay," I agreed. A hot tub sounded like it would feel amazing against my numbly chilled skin, "Dan, I didn't bring a swimsuit... um... do you have something I can wear?"
Dan laughed again and my heart melted at his smile and kind eyes.
