A Handyman's Memoir

"What the fuck did you do?!" Lee said angrily. "I'm just getting used to the fact that my daughter has a girlfriend, which is totally cool by the way, and now she wants to

share her with me

at an

orgy

?!"

"Oh boy," I said.

I thought Emma would be cool with what I had told her and how we left things, but hey, she's young, and knowing what to say and when to say it is a learned skill that takes time. And Lee, I really thought she'd be happy that I'd helped to break some of that ice she had been talking about, but some ice needs to thaw on its own I guess.

"I'm sorry Lee," I said dejectedly. "They were asking about parties and . . . I don't know, the conversation went were it shouldn't have gone I guess. Emma asked about you . . . she was cool with it though. She said she was worried about you after the divorce, and she's glad you're having fun again. I didn't tell her any details or anything. It was nothing I thought you wouldn't tell her yourself if she'd asked. You guys are pretty open these days."

"Fuck," Lee said, and she finally sat down next to me on the porch futon. "Being 'open' isn't as easy as it sounds. Kids are a trip I'll tell ya."

"I'll try and do better, I'm sorry," I said. "But you guys all read me like a book, and I've always hated lying. But it's my fault. I could have gotten out of that conversation if I'd tried."

"Did you invite them to an orgy?" Lee asked, looking at me like I was a nut job.

"No, nothing like that was ever said. At least I don't think so," I said. "They did sorta say they'd like to go to one, with each other. And then the thing about you saying it was 'good to fuck in front of her', you know, last week when she walked in on us? I don't know, the way the conversation went she started putting it all together. I should have shut it down though. It was stupid of me."

"I'm as responsible as you are," she said, sounding calmer. "I guess it's just part of the process — having an open, adult relationship with them. But sharing her girlfriend with me . . . that's just . . ."

"Is she hot or is she not?" I said, smiling and trying to lighten the mood.

"Ha!" Lee said, with her first smile. "She's hot, that's for sure."

"She thinks you are too," I said, still smiling.

Lee looked at me with a look of utter bemusement and wonder. "Where did my life go off the rails . . . Oh yeah! When

you

moved in!" she said, giving my arm a painful pinch. "All I ever wanted was a nice quiet heterosexual relationship with a kind, gentle man . . ."

"What, I'm not kind and gentle?" I said with a smile.

"Fuck!" she said quietly, shaking her head. "What's that old saying — you live in the fast lane you die in the fast lane?"

"The slow lane's for old ladies baby," I said, and I kissed her.

———————

A couple days later Lee was still confused and wondering how to deal with the situation. She hadn't seen Emma much to talk to, and was clearly still conflicted about their 'open' relationship.

"You wanna talk to Ally again about her experience with her daughter?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so," she said.

"You wanna lick Lexie's pussy?" I asked, figuring sometimes it's good to rip the band-aid off quick.

"

Steve!

" she said, and I could see on her face that she didn't want to answer.

"If you were a guy I'd already know the answer to that question," I said. "So it's no big deal if the answer's yes. It doesn't mean you have to do it."

"Yes! Okay? Are you happy?" she said.

"I'm always happy, and so are you," I said. "That's why I love you."

"I know," she said. "I'm just tense. I need to get past this."

"You need to sit down and talk to Emma," I said. "Text her and tell her you need a couple hours. Tell her you can't talk about that stuff anymore, and resume the mother/daughter thing, or tell her you're gonna let things flow, and let the chips fall where they may. I doubt if anything bad will come out of either decision. Life has a way of working out, especially in happy families like you guys."

"Okay Yoda. Yoda with a big cock," she smiled. "Help me with

this

then, the thing that's

really

twisting my brain.

Incest

. It makes me feel ill just thinking about it, and this is all perilously close to it."

"Ah, okay," I said. "Now were gettin' somewhere. You know, there's no rules that say

everything's

gotta be wide open. Set up some boundaries. Just watching your kid have sex isn't incest is it? I don't think of it that way."

"Having not done it yet, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it," she said. "I've certainly

heard

her having sex, and that doesn't bother me. I find it strangely comforting, knowing that she's feeling that kind of pleasure and happiness, when the world's so full of stuff that can make you feel rotten."

"Good, good," I said, "Okay, so would adding the visual to the audio be that much different, that much of a leap? As it is now you've got a sheetrock wall between you, or a wooden door, but you can hear her, and you're picturing what's happening, and you're cool with it. What's really so different about seeing it instead of picturing it? I don't know about you, but I find watching people have sex incredibly beautiful. Especially if the participants are beautiful."

"I do to," she said, smiling a little. "Are you trying to sell me on something here?"

"No, we can talk about the bad side too," I said. "Is there one?"

"Probably a lot of things," she said. "But I can't think of any."

"There ya go," I said with a smile.

"Wow," she said with a big sigh. "This is nutty. I'm sittin' here taking advice from crazy orgy man himself."

"Hey, I'm not trying to steer you wrong," I said. "I'll help you get out of this if that's what you want. I'll talk to Emma."

"I know," she said, snuggling against my arm. "So . . . boundaries . . . what would I say? I won't touch you and you can't touch me? Sounds kinda childish."

"It doesn't matter what it sounds like — she'd understand," I said. "She might feel the same way about it. You should sit down and talk to her. It might lead somewhere, or it might lead right away from it all. You're both thoughtful, loving people, and it'll go where it's supposed to go. You know, it doesn't have to be a big orgy party either, although having more people participating might actually make it easier. But if you want, you could come over next time she and Lexie are here and join in."

"Oh there's gonna be a next time with them huh? Jesus, you are the luckiest dog in the kennel," she said, with another painful pinch of my arm. "No, I think having more people around would definitely be better. There could be more 'detachment' if I find I need it."

"So, hypothetically, just spit-ballin' here, if you both decide to do this, where would you wanna do it and who would you want to be there?" I asked. "Would you want me to organize something here?"

"No, somewhere neutral, but nice," she said. "Lindsey's I guess. Wow, that place would blow those kids minds."

"That's what it's all about right?" I said.

"Yeah," she said, with a smile that looked like she was remembering how her own mind was blown at Lindsey's.

"Adult fun for adults of all ages," I said, and Lee shook her head as she smiled some more.

———————

My guitar lesson the next week was fun. Lexie was a good, lighthearted teacher who really knew her stuff and made it fun to learn. She showed me two new strumming patterns to work on and a new chord shape to get used to. I was practicing every evening, and really happy with my progress. After the lesson she got flirty.

"It's too bad Emma had to work, but I could stay a little while," she said, looking nearly irresistible.

"I'd love to sweetheart, but I wouldn't feel right without Emma here," I said.

"Yeah I know," she said with a sigh. "Me neither."

"You guys good?" I asked.

"Yeah," Lexie said, with a sweet smile that said a lot. "I've never had a real relationship with a girl before — it's always just been sex fun, you know? But Emma, she's . . ."

"Yeah, I know," I said. "She's a real catch. You're a lucky girl, and so is she."

Lexie looked dreamy-eyed for a few moments, thinking about Emma. "Hey, you should come see the band again next weekend," she said. "We're playing that festival up at Silver Stage. Emma's coming up. You ever been there? It's really cool."

"Oh, Yeah, I've been there," I said. "I love that place. I went to the fest they have later in the summer last year with a woman friend of mine. We met a real hippie girl named Peep and she spent the whole weekend with us in my trailer. Needless to say, it was

quite

enjoyable."

"Yeah, that place is quite the party," she said. "Your trailer looks really cool. What's it like inside?"

I took her outside to have a look. I built a simple open carport to keep it and my truck under in the winter, and I was able to leave the windows in it open, so it was nicely aired out.

"Oh my god, this is awesome," Lexie said, and she flopped down on the bed, her silky long hair going every which-way. She had that 'I sure wish Emma was here so we could play' look on her face again.

"It's an old Airstream from the fifties," I said. "It is pretty cool, I should use it more."

"Silver Stage!" she said. "Bring it!"

———————

Lee and I drove in to the festival campground amidst the hippified youth of upstate New York and set up our little trailer. She had been wanting to see Lexie play with her band, the weather was perfect, and she was able to swap work days with a co-worker at the hospital to get a couple days off.

"God, this is a young crowd isn't it? I feel old," she said, looking around at our neighbors.

"Don't worry, we'll be far from the oldest," I said. "A lot of older dead-heads like this place. It's a nice mix."

We set up the awning and the battery powered twinkle lights, broke out some chairs and sat down with a beer.

"This is so cool," Lee said contentedly.

"The next time you can string three days in a row together we'll take it up to the Adirondacks," I said.

"Oh!" she said, looking very happy.

"You guys!" Emma said, waving both her arms as she walked towards us with Lexie past some rickety looking tents. "This is so awesome! I've never seen it all set up before! I love this thing! It looks like a little space ship!"

We all hugged and Emma took two beers out of the cooler.

"You know I'm gonna be drinking, right?" Emma said, looking at her mom.

"I know honey," Lee said. "I was twenty once too you know."

Emma's mouth curled up in a 'my mom's so cool' kind of way. "Lexie's band's got a big motorhome," she said. "One of the guys got it from his uncle for the weekend. They gave me and Lexie the nice bedroom."

"Well that was nice of them," Lee said, and she looked over at me, suddenly horrified at the various scenarios that could play out in there. "I may need Yoda later," she said quietly to me.

"Yoda?" Emma asked her.

"Just be careful girls, okay?" Lee said to them. "Have you got . . . protection?"

"Mom!" Emma said. "I thought we were all gonna be cool here. Like

adults

?"

"We are honey, I'm sorry," Lee said. "I am still your mom though."

"Your mom's cool, don't give her a hard time," Lexie said.

"I know," Emma said with a sweet little smile.

———————

The first band started on the big stage, and music drifted through the wooded setting. As darkness fell the partying kicked into high gear. At one point, when Lee and I were taking a break from the main stage and sitting at the trailer, a fleshy young woman wearing nothing but well worn white cotton panties drifted by, doing some sort of a modern dance. She danced her way between the neighboring tents, and disappeared into the darkness.

"I can see why

you

like this place," Lee said with a smile. "I didn't think this kind of free-spiritedness still existed."

"I know, it's kinda nice isn't it?" I said. "You can kinda do what you want, and everybody's happy."

"A hit of good acid doesn't hurt," she laughed. "Do they even call it that anymore, or am I showing my age?"

"Yeah I think they do," I said. "Don't tell me you dabbled?"

"Maybe," she said slyly.

"That girl looked more like the mushroom type," I said.

"She didn't have any pockets, so she must have ate 'em all," Lee laughed. "That would explain things."

"You'll never guess what I got into in Baltimore on the way up here this spring," I said. "Opium."

"No way!" she said, looking shocked. "Holy shit Steve, that's bad stuff, like really addictive."

"I know, don't worry, it was a one time thing," I said. "I can't even say for sure if I did it voluntarily. It was pretty wild, that's for sure."

I told her the story of how it happened—the grief for Connie that suddenly overtook me when I was alone on the boat, and my time with Tiamo.

"Well I'm glad you were smart enough to get some counseling, but holy shit! That's fuckin' wild! You sure do fall into some situations, don't you?"

"Yup," I said. "I'm in one now that's pretty great too."

I leaned over and kissed Lee, and she responded the way I'd gotten used to when she had a pretty good alcohol buzz going.

"Should we fuck right here with everybody watching, or go inside?" she asked, her light blue eyes flashing with horniness.

"Ooo! I see the exhibitionist in you is still alive and well," I said. "I think full on fucking's probably better done inside."

"Aww! You're no fun," she said with a wink.

She took my hand, pulled me up out of my chair and pushed me into the trailer.

"Naked mister!" she commanded.

"You don't want just a quickie?" I asked.

"

Naked mister!

" she said even louder as she stripped off her shorts and t-shirt. She left her sneakers on and looked like one of those cute porn stars that are too old to play schoolgirls but play schoolgirls anyway.

Lee was revved up and ready, and it didn't take long for both of us to have a big, grinding orgasm. She was laying on top of me with my cock still in her when Emma showed up.

"Lexie's band's on in about an hour," she said as she walked up the steps and through the open door. She stopped dead when she saw us. "Fuck mom! What are you turning into a nympho or somethin'?"

"Hi honey," Lee said casually, looking back over her shoulder at Emma. "You havin' as much fun as I am?"

"Apparently not!" Emma laughed. "You know anybody could have walked in here. The door's wide open."

"Well a naked girl walked by earlier, so I don't think anybody really cares, do they?" Lee said as my cock slipped out of her, and she rolled onto the bed next to me. "Come here, lay with me."

"

Now

you want to do this?" Emma asked. "Lexie's band's on in an hour, and I thought you were freaked out by all this anyway."

"I don't wanna

do

anything!" Lee said. "I just want you to sit with your mother. I'm worried about you."

"You're the one having sex at a music festival, and you're worried about

me

?" Emma laughed as she walked over.

Lee patted the bed next to her, but Emma climbed over both of us and squeezed in on the other side of me. I shifted tighter to Lee to give her some room.

"You're all sticky," she said, putting her small hand on my half-wilted cock.

I saw her look at her mother as she touched it, and Lee looked at her. Emma took hold of it and squeezed it, looking at it in fascination as it started to grow again. She scrunched her body down and kissed it lightly, her tongue came out and swirled around the tip, and she smiled.

"You okay mom?" she asked, looking at Lee, who was looking on with fascination of her own.

"I'm okay," she said quietly.

Emma took me deeper in her mouth and moaned, and gave me a lovely slow, sensual blow-job.

"Sorry Steve," she said as she stopped, "but I've gotta go find Lexie. Don't forget, she's on in like forty-five minutes. I'll meet you guys at the soundboard in half an hour, okay?"

"Okay sweetie," I said as she climbed across us.

"Bye honey" Lee said as she left. "My baby's not my baby anymore," she said to me. "That's the hardest thing to get used to."

"She's a beautiful woman now," I said. "You did a wonderful job with your girls."

"I guess," she said. "For the life of me I don't know what I'm doing now though."

"What did you feel? Was it awful?" I asked.

"No. It was beautiful," she said. "That's what confuses me. Parents are conditioned to

not

like it when they see their kid having sex. They're supposed to yell and scream, and tell them not to do it. I know what you're gonna say, she's not a kid. I know she's a woman now, it's just a weird transition, especially when it's happening right there in living color in front of you, ya know?"

"Do you remember Ally talking about how she wished she had learned when she was her daughter's age how wonderful and beautiful sex can be?" I asked. "That's what you're giving Emma and Becka. Their lives are going to be rich with vibrant sexuality, without all the ridiculous guilt. I wish I had learned all that at twenty myself."

"Me too," she said. "And that's the part Ally told me that I've been trying to keep in mind.

You

certainly made up for lost time though. God!" she laughed.

"You're not doin' so bad yourself, Miss Erotic Art Model Of The Year," I laughed.

"God that was exciting!" she said.

———————

Lexie's band killed it. The crowd loved them, and their deep funk hip-hop groove had everyone moving. Up near the stage, where we were with Emma, it was a wild dancing frenzy, the likes of which I hadn't seen in a while.

"Fuckin' bass player's hot man," a very high guy next to me said, yelling to be heard. "Some lucky guy's tappin' that."

"He really is a lucky bastard!" I yelled over towards him with a smile, and Lee looked up at me and shook her head with a smile of her own.

"I love hot bass players that can really play man! Catherine Popper, Tal Wilkenfeld. Damn, this girls got it too, she's fuckin'

awesome

!" he yelled.

Lexie's deep groove overtook him and he was swept away in an odd bobbing and weaving dance, and disappeared in the happy crowd. Lee laughed. I put my arms around her and held her in front of me.

"You know, I used to love these things when I was young and free," she said loudly into my ear. "This brings back good memories."

The band got a huge ovation when they finished, and Lexie's smile lit up the stage.

"Oh my God!" Emma said, her eyes misted with tears, proud of her lover. "Look how happy she is!"

Lexie saw Emma cheering and her smile grew even bigger.

Emma left us to catch up with the band, and Lee and I went off in search of food. With two bowls of shrimp gumbo over rice in our hands we went back to the trailer to relax. It was spicy stuff and the beers went down easy.

The topless dancing girl walked by again, and she had a tired looking bra on to go with her old cotton panties.

"How come you got dressed?" I asked.

"I was cold," she said, looking glazed. "I liked havin' it off better though."

She looked down at the ground, swaying unsteadily as she took the bra off.

"You can leave it here if you want," I said. "Come and get it when you want it."

"Thank you," she said with an unfocused smile. She draped it over the canopy support and drifted off into the darkness again.

"Wow," Lee said. "The mother in me wants to take her home. I'm guessing you're gonna have a souvenir to hang on the wall of the trailer."

"Speaking of souvenirs, what did you do with Carol's drawing of us?" I asked.

"It's at the frame shop," she said. "It took all my courage to walk in there with it, 'cause it definitely looks like me, but it was kind of exciting—the guy that took care of me was cute."

"Did you let him take care of you, or did he just take care of you?" I asked with a smirk.

"Ha! Unlike you, I'm not to the point where I'm bangin' everybody I see yet," she laughed. "But if I keep hangin' around with you I might get there."