Killian was early to work, as usual. And she was smiling, as usual. But today, she was smiling at me.
I'm not saying she was normally unfriendly. She smiled often. But when a girl who looks like Killian McFee comes in, and gives you a big grin, you know something's up.
Five foot three, with a pale face and shock of flaming red hair, she looked like a burning candle. "Hi, Carl! I know where you were last night," she said, pulling on her apron and washing her hands.
"I took my wife to a movie," I lied.
"What movie?"
"Bar Code," I told her.
"What theater?" she challenged.
"The Grand, over on East Walters."
"I'll bet you even have tickets," Killian accused cheerfully. "No doubt purchased online and printed at home, but not really proving that you were even at the theater."
"What are you on about?" I asked her. "If I wasn't at the movie, where was I?"
"Someplace you weren't supposed to be. John Thomas was in the wrong parlor."
"Who the hell is John Thomas?" I asked.
"John Thomas is slang for 'penis'," Maureen answered, coming out from the back, carrying a large bowl of ground sausage. Maureen was my partner. Together, we owned the little pizza place. She was also Killian's mother. She swept into the kitchen, paying no more attention to the conversation.
"And your John Thomas," repeated Killian, "was making himself at home in a parlor that did not belong to you.."
"I swear that isn't true. I took my wife to a movie last night."
Maureen poked her head out of the kitchen to say, "By the way, Carl, your wife called last night. She'll be in Baltimore for another week at least. She tried your cell, but it went to voice mail."
I avoided Killian's laughing eyes to say, "I turn it off when I'm driving."
"A good practice, that. You should teach my daughter a few things." Having thoroughly humiliated me in front of Killian, Maureen went back into the kitchen.
"Whatcha gonna teach me, Carl?" Killian asked, giggling and gloating at having caught me in a lie. "Do I get to be next? Should I expect John Thomas to visit my parlor?"
"Fine. You got me. I cheated on my wife last night. I'm not proud of it."
"Yes, you are," Killian argued. "Of course you are! Men are driven to inseminate as many females as possible. Pride is built into the conquest."
I didn't answer her. I ignored her. My shoulders were tense and my face was red. I was too humiliated to participate in the discussion any further.
Killian shrugged and got to work chopping onions and peppers for pizza toppings. But the silence grew oppressive. The friendly chatter that usually accompanied our prep work was gone. My embarrassment had killed the fun we usually had at work.
"I'm sorry," Killian finally ventured. "I was only teasing you. I wasn't going to tell your wife or my mom or anything."
"No. It's my fault. I cheated on her. You were right to criticize me."
"I wasn't criticizing," she said. "I don't like your wife. She's a first class bitch."
"Can't argue with that," I agreed.
"I'm glad you found another parlor. Who was it? Anyone I know?"
"No. An old friend."
"I do know her!" Killian squealed. "You're a terrible liar. Who was she?"
"Come on, this is my personal, private business. I have a right to my privacy."
"Angela?"
"No."
"Donna?"
"No."
"Lydia?"
"Oh, hell, no!"
"She's nutty, yeah, but she'll sleep with anyone. You file that away for the future. You can have her anytime you want her."
"I repeat, hell no."
"Rebecca?"
"No."
"Ha! It was Rebecca. How was she?"
I shook my head. If I didn't speak, she couldn't hear me lie. It was spooky how good she was at that.
"I'm impressed," Killian complimented. I would have thought Rebecca was out of your league. I wouldn't have even guessed her name at all, except that I looked up and noticed that she's on her way over here."
"Damn. She wanted to keep this just between us. You keep your mouth shut when she gets here."
"I'll give you guys some privacy,". Killian offered. I sighed in relief, but it was premature. She didn't actually go into the store room or kitchen. Her privacy was an illusion. She merely stepped to the side of the pizza pickup window. She'd be hidden from sight to anybody out in the rest of the mall, but able to hear anything we said.
Rebecca was blushing as she approached the pickup window. Last night had been our first night together and she was still a little bashful and shy. She leaned over the counter, into the shop, and kissed me. If she'd been paying attention, she might have caught a glimpse of my nosy co-worker, but Killian quickly ducked down out of sight, tucking her tiny self under the counter.