Alistaire at Usc: the Buddy

While many of these chapters take place weeks or even months after the last, this one starts the day after the tennis tournament.

This chapter was impeded by Writer's Block after episode of Writer's Block, but I pushed through. You are welcome. I hope. While there were some shorter chapters in this cycle to start with, the stories get longer from here, and this one is the longest, so grab a cup of tea or three fingers of rum.

I hope you enjoy. I do know that I have once again tested the elasticity of plausible ridiculousness here. Stick with me. And buckle up.

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The One With The Buddy

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That next day's obligation I had told Sloane about? The one that saved me from returning to sit extremely awkwardly with Walt in the stands to watch his wife and Sloane play their match, but cost me what would have come after? It was a trip to the beach with friends.

Dave was currently hooking up with our friend Dana from the third floor, and he had her in my back seat with him as I drove us oceanward. There were supposed to be a bunch of other people heading to the coast, and we were meeting up with a few of them at least. Today's gang included Ronnie, whom I had barely seen since she had graduated in the Fall, along with Hannah and Flip. I hoped we didn't get too far into the D&D weeds in front of Dave and Dana.

If we did... well, I've been called a nerd before!

I was a little annoyed to be playing Chauffeur while Dave and Dana indulged in grabass in the back seat. Grabass, grabtit, whatever. I didn't pay too much attention to the rearview mirror because... California roads and I want to live. Dana and my roommate were not actually a couple. I thought Dave would have been open to exploring the idea, but Dana was unable to give up her boyfriend back home, and was honest enough to tell Dave that. Whether she was honest enough to tell said boyfriend about recreations like Dave was a question I noticed my friend carefully did not ask.

I parked us in Santa Monica and we headed for the Pier.

I found myself unaccountably and unusually irritated. I am seldom irritated after the kind of electric sex Sloane and I had engaged in after her match victory the day before. I am seldom more than 48 hours out from some at least fairly electric sex, so, honestly, I am seldom irritated.

But I was irritated today.

As the three of us approached the Pier, we spied Ronnie and waved her over to us. Ronnie laid a rather non-circumspect kiss on me which raised Dana's eyebrow a bit. I returned it of course, but I was not as enthusiastic as I might have been.

She noticed. "Who peed in your Wheaties this morning, Alistaire?" Ronnie asked.

"Nobody," I grumped. "I just... when we say we are going to the beach, we always just come to the Pier. It's fun, and the roller coaster is great, but I moved to California for the sun, sand, and surf! We almost never even go down and walk on the sand. It is a gorgeous day today, so I am going swimming, dammit. Do you know I have not touched the Pacific yet? Ever?"

"Duh," said Dana, who was from Pasadena.

Californians were idiots.

Despite my complaints, we went onto the Pier anyway. We had barely grabbed some snacks when we were met by Flip, Hannah... and Kate. We all greeted each other, and I introduced Hannah and Kate to Dana, who had already met Flip.

Kate steered a wide berth around me, but otherwise did not seem overtly upset at my presence.

We hit the roller coaster immediately, and I maneuvered myself to sit next to Hannah for the ride. "So, do I thank you or seek revenge on you for bringing Kate today?" I asked as we rode up the start hill.

"I honestly don't know," Hannah laughed. "She is probably asking me the same question in her mind. I certainly didn't tell her you were coming!"

Hannah was a great lay, and buddy for life, but I suspected that my formerly shy, mousy friend's alignment was trending more toward Chaotic Evil every year... The wench.

I was so distracted by the question of what was her intended game here, beyond precipitating a likely shitshow, that I neglected to even put my hand between her legs during the ride. She certainly noticed my omission and gave me the stink-eye as we got off at the end.

I would have to fix that before the day was done. Things were always great between Hannah's legs.

Ronnie and I flirted a little bit, and I accidentally let Kate see us doing it, which got me an eye roll that might have dislocated her eyeballs. But I sensed that Ronnie was seriously considering giving Flip a try, something that I was dead certain she had never done before she had graduated, so I mostly behaved myself around her. Mostly. Whatever Ronnie had in mind for Flip, I was certain it was not a Deathless Love Affair.

It was going to be good to be Flip...

We took a ride on the Sea Dragon and I fixed the lack of hand between Hannah's legs. She fixed the lack of hand between my legs too... The ride is short and sort of out in the open, so it was just some friendly groping. Also, the ride gets pretty wild.

Dave and Dana then insisted on ice cream. Ronnie is lactose intolerant and settled for a churro. Flip and I both gallantly got an extra scoop on our cones to fulfill Ronnie's quota. She just looked smug at our banter.

We agreed on another ride on the Sea Dragon. As we were about to board, Hannah twisted away from me to say something to Dana, and I found myself getting on with Kate.

Awkward.

As the ride started to swing slowly, Kate observed, "So I am guessing that you fuck Ronnie too."

"Not recently," I said defensively.

I realized this was perhaps not the best defense.

"Maybe not anymore," Kate said in hesitant challenge. "I think she is practically ready to jump Flip's bones right here on the Pier."

"Yeah, I noticed that," I said approvingly.

"You are pretty chill for having a girl about to leave your harem," she retorted.

"Hey! I do not have a harem," I said hotly, as the swing picked up pace. "And why would Ronnie be leaving it?"

"She's gonna bone Flip, I told you."

"So? Ronnie is her own person. She's hooked up with a couple of guys since we started, um..."

"Pull the other one," Kate said, just as the first real drop sensation hit. "Harem keepers don't let their women play the field."

"I do not have a harem. I don't 'let' any women do anything. What a friend does is up to her," I ground out, though the word 'her' turned into a yelp as the Dragon hit new heights. "Where the fuck did you get all these... AAAAAAHH... ideas about fucking harems?"

Kate clenched her teeth, but when the ride reached another new height forward, she yelped, "I like to read."

Huh?

"Read what? Arabic history?" I yelped. The ride was at its height.

"Erotica!" Kate squealed. "I like harem stories, alright?"

Immediately the ride began its slowdown.

"Oh, do you?" I could not help but leer. Well, I tried to leer. The ride was still swinging pretty hard.

"I prefer reverse harem stories, mostly," Kate said, trying to be snotty amidst the careening rise and fall of the ride.

"Been there," I snorted.

"What?!?"

"Been in a reverse harem, sort of. But it wasn't a harem either. Sure as hell not by your definition," I said. I was getting a little ticked at how a girl I thought was my friend saw me.

"What?!?"

"Really, it was just that my friend Beth back in high school had both me and my friend Ben, um, on call if you will." I grinned at her cruelly. "Usually both at the same time."

"You. Did. Not!"

I shrugged as the ride started slowing in earnest. "It was what she wanted."

Kate looked at me with the same semi-horrified look she had embraced when Sloane laid that first kiss on me.

"So, you like reading porn, huh?" I challenged, trying to pass the Embarrassment Potato back to Kate.

"I don't read porn!" she hotly denied.

"Well, I've never actually read any porn," I admitted. Then I stick the knife back in. "But you are reading harem stories about fucking. Sure sounds like porn to me!"

Kate rocketed out of the ride, but at least she didn't ditch us.

Hannah, the Chaotic Evil Wench (is Wench a D&D 5e class? It should be), was watching the two of us reward her dastardly plan. I was going to get her beside me on the roller coaster later and make her pay, I decided gleefully.

After we were all off the ride, there was one of those moments where no one in a group quite knows what to do next. It is easy to seize control in a bloodless coup under such circumstances.

"That's it!" I said loudly. "It is time. We are going down to the sand, and swim in the ocean. I can't be a Californian until I do!"

Dana, the Californian, shook her head, but remember what I said about bloodless coups? Everybody trooped off to the beach behind me.

The sand was honestly not great. I had run around on the beach in Santa Monica a time or two, briefly, usually on colder or windier days where the water was out of the question. Georgian and Carolinian beach sand is better, I had to admit to myself internally.

But this was my chance. I knew they would follow me, so I kicked off my shoes, tugged off my shirt, and sprinted for the water. I had worn swim trunks. Everybody had worn some kind of water gear. We always did when we went to the beach, even though we always ended up just hanging on the Pier.

Everybody was lagging behind me. Dave and Flip were weenies, I decided. I supposed the girls might be hesitating, not wanting to wear wet bikinis under their clothes later.

I saw that there were some nice waves. I like a little body surfing, so I resolved to show off when I hit the water. I kept up my speed as I hit the water and dove in.

Um.

The Pacific Ocean is cold, people. Fucking. Cold. Like, New England ocean in the Winter cold.

I burst to my feet with a loud, "Gahhh!" I stumbled forward a step, only to find the bottom dropped off like a cliff. I stumbled forward when my foot found nothing to stand on, only to get smacked in the face by one of those waves, which were larger than I had thought. And, of course, much colder.

I got out.

Fast.

"What," I growled at the gaggle of cackling loons waiting for me, "is the fucking use of an ocean when it is this goddamned cold!"

Well, at least Kate was looking at me like I was a garden-variety idiot again, instead of a sex monster, so I had that going for me.

I was fucking done with the blue waters of the Pacific, but we stayed on the beach to let me warm up and dry out in the sun. And the girls all did me (and Dave and Flip) the solid of stripping down to their bikinis for the duration. Even Kate.

The fact that Kate read porn was percolating in my mind a bit. Her bikini, a monokini technically, had quite a lot of fabric, much more than any of the other girls' bikinis. But most of that fabric was arranged, well, in areas where it was covering the stuff that didn't really need to be covered, leaving not much fabric left over to cover the stuff that actually did.

The bottom part of her suit was French cut so damned high it brought the concept of side-ass to new heights. As I had been noticing again lately, we are talking about a very nice ass, rounded and full, but visibly... smooth. The top part of the suit connected to the lower part on the sides and in back, drawing the bottom upward deliciously tightly at her waspish waist. That top part did nothing to lift or enhance Kate's sleek, mid-sized breasts. But it did even less to cover them, so I was all on board with the styling.

Ronnie and Hannah very pointedly did not comment when Kate's suit appeared. Ronnie had obviously at some point been clued into the embarrassing reveal of the prior day, and had been keeping an amused eye on Kate for much of the afternoon.

But Dana had no such inside information. "Damn, girl!" she exclaimed. "Kate, that suit is loaded for bear. What dude are you trying to enslave with that?"

It was an innocent question.

But I let myself catch Kate's eye. She started to bristle at my presumption, but I just placidly looked from myself to Dave to Flip and back. She started to blush a little. I idly stretched my arms over my head and let my hips twitch. Just once, but just like a belly dancer.

Kate's face was in flames.

"Oh, hey!" Dana exclaimed, having missed my little act. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, Kate! I just... seriously, that is a spectacular suit on you. Right, Dave?" she asked helplessly.

"Yep," Dave said, now openly giving Kate the serious eye-bath he felt Dana had just given him permission for.

Spoiler alert: He had not been given such permission. He might not be Dana's property, but she had the exclusive rental for this day.

Sucks to be Dave.

Then just like that, we went off and took a walk along the shore until my suit dried and I stopped shivering. Then we all got dressed, went back for some more fun on the Pier, then headed back for campus.

It was a great day in various ways. Especially when Sloane texted with a picture of a second golden ball dangling from her bracelet. She tried to make a testicle joke, but I was so stoked at her championship that I could have cared less.

But I was massively disillusioned about California beaches. It was pointed out to me that the few actual surfers we saw were all wearing wetsuits.

"Where are all the bikini-clad surfer girls I was promised by the Chamber of Commerce and Hollywood?" I demanded.

"In Hawaii," Kate said drily. "Where you will need to buy a plane ticket to go collect them."

Hannah held up her hand for a high-five, and Kate actually gave it to her.

Maybe I would still be able to study with Kate after all.

*

Monday, Dave and I were having lunch together in our residence dining hall. We had elected to stick together for our second year, though after saving so much by choosing a traditional dorm for our freshmen years, we had splurged on a three-person suite with individual bedrooms. Very small bedrooms. Our assigned third occupant was a dude named Duane. He was a scholarship baseball player and thus, between sleeping, studying, and conditioning, never had time to do much of anything with us. But he was cool, even though he had gone 0-4 at that Oregon game. He'd homered twice the next week.

My parents had been less than impressed when I informed them that Dave and I had chosen a suite, the most expensive of housing options. My mother had made various tart comments about Finance majors with nevertheless profligate ways. But they had paid the bill anyway.

Across the dining hall, I heard Gina laughing hysterically all of a sudden.

She and Tish were rooming together yet again this year, utterly inexplicably as far as Dave and I were concerned. He had heard them through the wall all freshman year, just like I had, routinely fussing at each other. They were in the same dorm as us again, but on a different floor now. Word was, the chronic bickering continued.

Gina laughed again. Then a third time. Then I saw her spy me across the room and burst into laughter again.

She was sitting with Tish, who obviously made some snotty comment. Gina stopped laughing for a moment and I could see her look genuinely contrite to her roommate.

But then she stood right up, carried her lunch over to our table, and sat down with us, still grinning like The Joker.

Dave looked at her, and then back at me. He was aware that Gina and I were friends with benefits of some kind. He was continually bemused and low-key admiring that a sexual nebbish like me could swing such a situation with an A-lister like Gina.

It was so adorable. He was so clueless about everything else going on in my life. Honestly, if this were a story, his ignorance after most of two years would have strained the willing suspension of disbelief...

Gina was clutching her phone and it was clear that whatever had her so hysterical was on the device.

"So what meme do you have for us?" I asked curiously.

God, I really can be such an innocent.

She had headed toward me like a missile the moment Tish gave her the boot. Of course, I was not going to like whatever was on that phone.

"So, Alistaire," Gina said sweetly, briefly turning her phone around so I could see a group text page. "Apparently I am a member of... The Sisterhood?"

Fuck.

Sloane!

I shook a tiny mental fist in the direction of Connecticut. How had I been so stupid as to let her sneakily get ahold of Gina's phone number with that photography gambit?

"What's a 'Sisterhood'?" Dave asked curiously.

"It is a text group among all the women Alistaire used to fuck before he came to USC," Gina said absently, scrolling through what looked like quite a lot of activity since she had been added.

"All the what?" asked Dave.

Gina looked at me. I looked at her and sighed. She laughed uproariously again. "All the women who Alistaire fucked back home and at boarding school," she then said patiently to Dave. "They like to keep in touch with each other. Now we out here get to be a part of the group too!"

"What?" Dave asked, not processing. "All the what? Alistaire got laid? When? More than once? How many? Two? Three?" Gina just grinned at him as he tried to make sense of her obvious bullshit.

"Oh, crap," I groaned.

"Wow, Alistaire, there are a lot of us, aren't they? There's Sloane, of course, who we met last weekend and who added me just now..."

"Last weekend? You went to some over 40 tennis tournament last..." Dave trailed off in horror.

Gina was on a roll and, since I had not stopped her, had obviously resolved to destroy Dave's brain. That girl plans deeply, even on the spur of the moment. "Yep. That woman looks awesome for 45, let me tell you," she told Dave honestly.

"She is barely 42," I snapped, weirdly ready to speak up to defend Sloane but not myself.

"She is still hot for that age. Any age really," Gina said to Dave, brushing aside my interjection. "Her daughter is in the group, too. And some twins, I think, and wow, yeah,

their

mother too! That there is some epic shit, Alistaire..." she mused. "Some girl named Carla is in here for some reason, even though she is in the middle of talking about planning her wedding right now. That discussion is still going on amid all the greetings to me."

"Carla's getting married?" I yelped. "She hasn't told me!"

"The dude hasn't asked yet. She is just getting prepared," Gina said absently. "Some girl named Bridget seems sort of in charge..."

"Wait! Bridget?" Dave gasped. "Like, Bridget, your best friend from high school you always yak about? You fucked her?"

"Yeah, I think that is her," Gina nodded.

Dave's brain started catching up. "Hold on, you said 'we' get to be a part of this thing?"

Gina looked at him. "Duh. Me, Hannah, Ronnie... I don't know if Liz will want in, but I'll ask her since exes are evidently still part of the group. Are you and Liz on good terms these days, Alistaire? Anyway, I haven't talked to anyone else beyond them yet, but there is..."

"For Christ's sake, Gina!" I yelped. "Can you please show

some

circumspection? Dave didn't know shit about anyone except you before now!"

"Really? You have kept your best roomie in the dark all this time? You sure can keep a secret," Gina said. That was the first time anyone had said that, ever. Then she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I suppose he would not even have known about me if he had not walked in on us that one time." Unaccountably, she glared at me, not Dave.

"I had not had time to put up the Post-It!" I protested. "You just started sucking my... getting started with no warning!"

"You really told Dave you were a virgin?"

"He just assumed I was a virgin before Liz. He still thought that until

two minutes ago

. You just extinguished my favorite internal inside joke," I growled.