Bachelor Behavior 2 - Part 2
by Simon Underfoot
Copyright 2024-2025, All Rights Reserved
Day 0
"Hey, how you doin'," I intoned mechanically, keeping my face neutral as the guy tried to crush my hand. Too much testosterone, too much ego. It was the third time in ten minutes. He tried to meet my eyes, but I'd already dismissed him, even as he refused to release my hand for an extra second. Dick.
We were in the grand ballroom at the International in Miami, a luxury hotel just off the water. Sixteen guys in a room waiting for a pretty girl. Except for me, number seventeen, because Max had told me "the Plan." Point of fact, I was one of the critical components.
You ever look around and feel out of place? It happens to me from time to time, but never so starkly as that night. It was a remarkable collection of eligible bachelors: handsome, fit, successful men from around the world. I was the shortest by four inches and the baldest by one hundred percent. I was also on the older end of the spectrum at thirty-two, but at least I'd met another guy a year older than me; unfortunately, he was one that had tried to break my fingers, so I guess age doesn't always equate to maturity.
A quick glance at my watch and I smirked -- about half an hour until kickoff; time to play my part.
I finished my beer and dropped it in a waste can, popped a mint, and moved to the nearest group of guys. The four of them were all on the young side, laughing easily at one another's embellished anecdotes. I sidled up, hands in my pockets, the picture of an outclassed, uncomfortable man hoping to ingratiate himself with the younger, cooler competition.
"Hey." Dismissive looks from a couple of them, but they made room nonetheless and I joined the circle. "D'you hear the rumor going around?" I asked into the silence my arrival created.
We'd been told almost nothing over the two days since most of us arrived. Once gathered, we were measured for formal clothes, fed, sent to an excellent salon where personal stylists had fussed over us for the better part of a day, then been taken to an exclusive club right on the beach for drinks and dancing. This last part was strange to me, given that we were in town to meet one particular lady, but it didn't stop some of the guys from having a good time. Morning brought an impressive breakfast spread and several hours in a spa being pampered. Overlaying it all was a kind of bachelor party feel, complete with alcohol on-demand. I'd had a couple beers, mostly to settle my nerves, but I know some of the fellas were six or seven deep before even putting on their tuxedos for the meet and greet.
"And?" demanded the guy whose tale I'd interrupted.
"I heard Nora got cold feet and missed her flight... won't be here until sometime tomorrow, if she comes at all."
"Bullshit," said another one.
I shrugged and nodded across the room. "Tall fella with dark hair over there heard it from one of the producers." I'd just described half the bachelors in the room. "Not sure I believe it, either, but it would explain the delay." We'd already been in the room an hour and a half.
"Probably just a game, like the first season." This from a handsome blonde.
"Could be," I acquiesced, shrugging. "Anybody need another beer?" Nobody took my offer seriously and I moved off.
I was finishing with a third group, surprisingly enjoying my role as mole when Max walked in, microphone in hand, right on time. "Gentlemen, good evening." My buddy is a bit of a ham and likes attention, so I wasn't surprised at his ease in front of a room of strangers, or the cameras. "The production staff would like to apologize for the delay, and also thank you for your patience. I'm afraid that I have some unfortunate news to pass along. Due to unforeseen travel complications, Nora will not be able to join us tonight." A murmur went around the room and I felt several men look my way.
Max the showman let the tension and disappointment build for almost a minute before he gestured for calm with his hands. "Even so, we are going to proceed with part of the planned activities for the night." His smile was on the evil side and I had to fight back a grin. "As you know, Nora is looking for that special someone with whom she can find her happily ever after." I rolled my eyes at the cliche, but the guys around me seemed to be hanging on his words. "You may have noticed that I said 'that special someone' and not 'that special man'..."
The double doors were opened simultaneously by hotel staff and in walked more than a dozen women dressed in formal wear. I knew what was coming and was still struck stupid at seeing so many beautiful creatures in one place.
"That's right, gentlemen -- Nora is open to finding love with a man or a woman.
"Ladies, I present to you our bachelors."
I hadn't been looking forward to the big reveal, but in the moment, I found the multitude silent interactions fascinating.
"Without our star we can't proceed as planned, but we can at least have a little fun," Max resumed, lifting a beer someone had handed him in toast. "Enjoy your night... just not too much," he said with a grin before flipping off his mic and heading back for the door.
The bachelorettes had stayed together in a clump where they'd entered and were now surrounded on three sides. It was one of the jackasses that tried to break my hand that closed the gap first. Less than a minute later and the invisible wall had crumbled to the point that conversations were striking up around the room.
Fifteen women had entered the fray, slightly less than the number of men, an intentional choice designed to foster competition amongst the so-called 'alphas' in the room. I smiled ironically to myself, certain every other bacehlor there would willingly, happily accept that title. My smile broadened when I remembered that some -- or maybe most -- of the women would have zero interest in men anyway.
I ordered an IPA for myself and three pale lagers besides, complete with lime wedges. Time to move to the next phase, starting with Mr. Macho himself.
He was monopolizing the attention of a beautiful woman that looked to be from Central or South America. I approached the pair from behind him, letting her see me coming; when our eyes met, I held up my extras, giving them a little wiggle, and received a nod in return, along with a grin. Big Guy noticed and turned to me, but I ignored him, handing her the bottle with a smile and continuing on.
I handed off the second to a curvaceous bottle blonde in a sparkly teal dress with mesmerizing blue eyes.
The third went to another pale haired beauty, this one natural, slim, and leggy, who thanked me with a deeply alluring accent. "Swedish?" I guessed.
"Dutch," she corrected easily.
"Huh," I exclaimed, feigning confusion. "I thought the most beautiful blondes all came from the Nordic countries. Learn something new every day." I finished with a wink, hoping I was coming across as charming and not ignorant -- her smile let me know I was doing okay. I left her with a nod, ignoring the guy she'd been talking to, and made my way to the side of the room.
It felt like I was off to a good start getting under people's skin. "Be a dick," were my instructions from Max. It helped that I'd begun with the three biggest pricks in the room, figuring they would react badly.
I was so wrapped up in watching the happenings that I didn't notice when someone joined me. "Not feeling social?"
"Yo." My exclamation wasn't anything I would normally have said, but she caught me so off guard it just popped out.
"Yo?" she laughed.
"Not my fault," I replied with a smile. "A woman that looks like you do shouldn't sneak up on people -- you're going to give someone a heart attack."
"And how do I look?" She wore her teasing grin very, very well.
"You know exactly how you look." I kept my eyes on hers, but would very much have enjoyed letting them explore -- the woman was astonishingly attractive. "Ryan," I said, offering my hand.
She paused a moment, letting me hang, before accepting. "Gina."
