Here I was sitting in a smoke filled pub watching my husband John and his mates make fools of themselves. They were all in a darts team, eight of them, and all as useless as each other.
This was the last match of the season and so far they had played fifteen and lost fifteen and this match was going no better.
There were eight different combinations to a match and so far they had lost the first three games, at least they were consistent.
Mike wandered over and asked how I was, and what I thought of the team. What else could I reply but what a load of crap they were.
"What we need is an incentive to win," said Mike.
"You need a miracle," I replied.
"Tell you what," said Mike, "if we win we all get a kiss from you."
I burst out laughing and answered in between fits of giggles, "that's a pretty safe bet, I'll make it even more of an incentive. If you win tonight's match you can all have me."
I burst in to fits of laughing once again.
No I wouldn't have done it, but in the circumstances there was no chance that they could change the abysmal way they play anyway.
"Do you mean what I think you mean," asked Mike in a very serious manner.
"Probably," I replied.
I went up to John and informed him that I couldn't stand any more of sitting around here, and was going to go home and watch a program I wanted to see on television.
At around 11.30pm I heard John's key in the front door, he was making a lot of noise and talking to someone.
John walked into the room as did Mike, Jim, Larry, Tony, Bill, Steve and Dave. They were carrying cans of beer and each one of them had one of those silly smiles you get when you have drunk more than you should.
"You'll never guess what we did," said John with a beaming smile on his face.
"You got expelled from the league," I sarcastically replied.
"No we WON, it was unbelievable, we won for the first time this season."
They were all cheering away as if they had just won the league, not won for the first time this season.
They all plonked themselves down either in chairs or the floor and handed the beers around.
They continued their excited chatter as I gave up trying to watch the television. I got up and switched it off, grabbing a beer as I passed. Might as well join them I thought to myself.
Mike spoke up, "so Sue are you going to keep your promise."
I looked at Mike not knowing what the hell he was talking about.
"What are you talking about," I asked quizzically.
"You said if we won we could all have you," said Mike.
"Yea in your dreams, I don't think John would be too pleased do you," I replied.
"So if John says its okay you'll do it," Mike continued.
"Not while you've got a hole in your arse, and anyway John wouldn't dare agree," I said beginning to get angry.
"John once told us he would like to see you getting fucked by another man," interjected Dave.
"Did YOU," I said glaring at John.
John's silence answered my question.
"I have had enough of your filth I'm off to bed and don't any of you get any ideas, the answer is not a chance, never ever, no way. You got the message," I said as I got up to leave.