Looking back, we both must have known it was over. But at the time I doubt even she would have admitted it.
Amanda was angry at me though, that much was obvious. She told me not to get too drunk, because I had to drive home, so of course I wait straight to the bar and made myself a strong vodka tonic. The first of five in a not very long evening.
It was her friend Tina's going away party. She was off for a year of study in England that I hoped she'd never return from. I had nothing against her personally. She had rich parents and had a one bedroom apartment on the upper west side all to herself, but that's not what I held against her. In fact I found her sweet and smart and at my most honest would admit to a strong crush on her. But she had an unacceptable influence over Amanda. Sometimes I heard Tina's words coming straight out of Amanda's mouth when we fought. Like tonight, when she told me "I don't have to dress in a way that makes YOU comfortable. YOU have to find a way to make yourself comfortable with how I dress."
So there she was, in a tight blue number she'd bought that day (with Tina, of course) at Urban Outfitters. When she showed it to me, I said "Where's the rest of it?" and the truth is I wasn't even kidding. Amanda's short, with perfect curves, and the dress looked just tiny as she held it our in front of her. Now, with it on, It hugged her tits tight and I know from experience that every man in a position to do so would take a peak down the front. For a while, I could see how self-conscious she was in it. I wanted to whisper "I told you so" in her ear, but settled for a few smug smile from across the room that she pretended not to notice.
As the night went on, though, with a few drinks in her system, I started hearing her voice rise above the din, or her laugh break a brief lull. She was, to my dismay, growing into the outfit, feeling the sexiness of it without the inhibiting shame. The fact was, she did look unbelievable hot, with the glimmering fabric pulling out her blue eyes, her long red hair streaming down her chest like it was teasing her breasts.
On their way out the door, her friends Emily and Jason, always a cautious pair, warned me to keep an eye out for her. "She wasted, I think," Emily whispered as she slid her green jacket on. "Don't let her do anything she'll regret." I laughed and shrugged it off, though the truth was it made me nervous. I'm a jealous person, and though I try to keep it in check, it's often out of my control.
The party thinned out until there wasn't anyone left that I recognized. But that didn't keep me from talking to everyone like they were old friends. I told an obnoxious man in his thirties that he ought to hang out with people his own age, and he left soon after. There were two girls I flirted with openly, an overweight actress and a hot law student with long brown hair and a naive smile. They were set to go out clubbing and invited me to join. "Can't," I said. "I'm with my girlfriend." I said this directly to the law student and was pleased to see the disappointment on her face. "We have to drive back to Westchester later."
"Where is she?" she said. A Moby album played over us.
"In the bedroom, talking to Tina." They'd closed the door behind them. Amanda was very upset that Tina was leaving, and I knew they were having some kind of heart to heart.
"Well, we've said our goodbyes." The overweight actress tugged at her friends arm. "Let's go." As they walked out the door, the brunette dangled her hand behind her. "Goodbyyyyyyeeeeee," she said to me, without looking back. And with them gone, I was alone.
I knocked, but no one said anything, so I let myself in. Amanda and Tina were both laying on the bed, looking drunk and sad. "Everyone's gone," I told them.
"Thank God," Tina said, and she laughed. The bed was tall, and was tightly made with crisp white sheets. Amanda had slipped off her heels and let her feet dangle off the mattress. Tina laid on her side and her top was so loose even from my angle I could see half her bra.
I walked in and sat at the foot of the bed. They both looked at me, then too each other, and cracked up.
"What?" I tried to smile and be a good sport, but I felt like a joke.
"You're wasted," Amanda told me. She puckered her lips like she only does when she drinks. Her face was red. I could tell she was horny, and if we were alone, she'd do anything I wanted.
Tina stared directly at me. She had brown eyes and made such intense eye contact it was almost impossible not to look away. "So you think Amanda looks like a slut?" she said.
