The old adage goes that the lady of the house always discovers everything that goes on in said house, sooner or later. I guess I should have remembered that. My name is Ahmed Suleiman and I'm a man of Somali descent living in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. I'm twenty eight years old, and recently completed my MBA at the Sprott School of Business at Carleton University. The life of a Somali immigrant in Canada is seldom easy, but with education and hard work, one can work wonders.
Three years ago I got married, mostly out of parental pressure. In the Muslim community, we marry early, and few of us can escape these traditions. My parents, Kader and Simane Suleiman basically told me that if I didn't marry soon, the rest of our family would shun my ass. The last thing I wanted was to further alienate myself from my family, or the rest of the Somali community. What do I mean by that? Well, ahem, this isn't easy for me to say so I'm just going to say it.
What could possibly be so hard to say? I am bisexual. I've known it ever since I can remember. I feel attracted to both women and men sexually. My family knows this. When I was in high school, my mom caught me making out with Ali, a young Arab guy who lived next door. In the Muslim community, it's not okay to be gay, lesbian or bisexual. If people find out about you, depending on what country you're in, it could mean your death warrant. My mom never told my dad about me, I guess that's why I am still alive. Yet she always looked at me funny from that day forward.
In high school I dated girls, and I did have sex with a few young women, mostly white, while doing my undergrad in psychology at Carleton University. Once I graduated, my folks began pressuring me to get married. I was dating a white chick named Amber Connelly at the time, and since she was both white and a Christian, my folks definitely didn't approve. Amber and I split, and a few weeks later, my parents introduced me to Laila Abdullah, the woman I was destined to marry. People think that in Islam, women are virtual prisoners and men hold all the power. The truth is that both sexes are trapped by our cultural and religious traditions, and there's not much either can do about it.
I must say, when I first laid eyes on the young woman my family had in mind for me, I was stunned. Laila Abdullah was born in the City of Montreal, Quebec, to a Somali father and a French Canadian mother. The gal was almost six feet tall, curvy and light-skinned, with long black hair, caramel-hued skin and lime-green eyes. Due to her biracial heritage, Laila looked more Arab or Persian than black, even though her father was African. I found her lovely, and a tad bit intimidating. Laila was working for the Canadian Revenue Agency, and she had a business degree from McGill University, the top school in Canada. What did she want with little old me?
I'm six-foot-three, a bit chubby, dark-skinned and curly-haired. People say I look like Sean Kingston, only taller and darker. I've never been very athletic, and I am proud to say that I am a lifelong nerd. I love my comic books and video games. Although I was raised Muslim, I've never been what you'd consider very religious. When I was younger, I used to pray to Allah to banish my same-sex urges. Canada is a fairly liberal country, where same-sex marriage is legal, but Muslims like myself really live in another world. The rules of our faith and countries of origin dominate our lives.
I publicly dated several white girls while attending Carleton University, but I also had some fun with the fellas on the side. One such fella is Matthew Mendel, a young man I met during my third year of undergrad. Matthew is tall and stocky, bronze-skinned and dark-haired. His father Joseph Mendel is a Jewish guy of German descent and his mother Anna Martinez is half black and half white, originally from the Dominican Republic. When I first met Matthew I thought he was Moroccan or Persian since that's how he looks, but he's just multiethnic. Like me, he had a secular outlook on the world, and he was also a closet bisexual.
Matthew and I have hooked up many times, and we've maintained a sex-fueled, intense friendship over the years. When I told Matt I was getting married he was surprised. Even though Matt had a girlfriend of his own ( he'd been dating a Chinese chick named Wendy Chong for ages ) he was quite possessive of me. I told him that I had no choice, and he left in a huff. Dude actually defriended me on Facebook, stopped following me on Twitter and changed his cell phone number. Ouch. Bisexual male jealousy, ladies and gentlemen. It's not a pretty thing.
Laila and I got hitched, in a lovely ceremony at a mosque in Ottawa's east end. The first year of our marriage was fun. Something wonderful happens to a man when he gets married. People look at you in a different way, women especially. Now I know why so many ( straight ) married men cheat on their wives with other women. Once a guy gets a wedding ring, he becomes irresistible to women. With Laila on my arm, I found myself a changed man.
We were a couple of educated, successful and happily married Somali-Canadians. Not something you see every day. Lots of Somali men don't do so well in Canadian society for a variety of reasons. They fall into drugs, or petty crime, and as a result, lots of Somali sisters, who go to school and have decent jobs, gripe about the shortage of worthwhile Somali men. Laila's girlfriends Aisha and Fatima would fawn over me and tell her what a catch I was. A tall, good-looking, educated and successful Somali brother. I would smile politely while Laila and her girlfriends looked at me adoringly, though inside I was crumbling.
There's only so long even the most dedicated pretender can keep up a false front, and I was no exception. In the eyes of society I was a respectable man. I got myself a job working for The Pythian Group, one of Ottawa's largest corporations. It's a barely above entry-level position in their acquisition department, but it's oh so much better than nothing. Besides, seventy three thousand dollars a year after taxes is nothing to sneeze at if you're a recent university graduate drowning in debt and a minority to boot.
