Good morning, folks. Or good whatever, since I don't know what time it is where you happen to be. The name is Mitchell Kale and I'm a man with a story to tell. The life of a young black man in America is never easy. However, there are some good times in all of our lives, I believe. These days, I feel like I'm on a roll. Yeah, I'm having the time of my life. I'm a student-athlete at Haverhill College in Massachusetts. More than that, I'm the star of the all-new Men's Varsity Wrestling team. We're the talk of the town.
Recently, someone tried to rain on my parade. Haverhill College Assistant Athletic Director Karen Anderson, a pompous, red-haired matronly white woman in her fifties. Like so many women in positions of power, she loved taking shots at unsuspecting men every chance she got. And thanks to political correctness and gender-based favoritism, she got away with it time and again. While her boss Manny Drake was away for health reasons, she had been steadily abusing her power. She wanted to cut the wrestling team's budget. And that of the football teams. Even though we were underfunded as it is. Of course, the women's sports teams budgets would remain untouched. That's gender-based special treatment if you ask me. I decided to get her back for this.
You see, Karen Anderson doesn't just see herself as a trailblazer among women in college sports administration and management. She also embraced sexy blonde coeds like field hockey star Lily Wilson. I took pictures of them as they were making out in her office and mailed them to the returning Director of Athletics. Mr. Manny Drake's first action was to bring the matter to the college president, and the firing of Karen Anderson swiftly followed. Male student-athletes at Haverhill rejoiced as the man-hating dyke who wanted our teams ruined left the school for good. I think this calls for a celebration!
I decided to chill in the city of Boston with my friend Peter Connelly, a big and tall black guy I've known since our days at Brockton Community High School. He plays football for Haverhill College and I'm a varsity wrestler. Haverhill College is a formerly all-female school that has taken to diversifying lately, and they've added new sports like football, cross country, soccer, bowling, swimming, wrestling, ice hockey, lacrosse, baseball and golf to attract male students. The school is fifty one percent female at this moment. More fun for booty catchers like me, I guess. I particularly like the sporty chicks. They're fun in bed. The straight ones. The female student-athletes compete in women's softball, ice hockey, field hockey, basketball, bowling, cross country, soccer, lacrosse, golf, volleyball and swimming. We compete in the NCAA Division Two.