We'd been married for 25 years and had our two beautiful daughters when I finally faced my fantasies about my husband. It wasn't really anything that I was ashamed of, but I was terrified to tell him my true deepest fantasies, fearful of what his reaction might be.
Because of my own insecurities, I wasn't sure he would accept them, or maybe he would see me differently. I guess I also secretly thought he might like them too much, and I wasn't ready to fulfil them, yet. Our relationship was seemingly so good, I never wanted to risk it.
But recently we have had many changes in our life, and I have noticed him looking around at the typical younger, tighter girl, 20 years younger than me. He was much younger than he looked and was in great shape. People often mistook him for early 30's, instead of his real age, 49. I was sure he would have no problems finding a replacement, and that was my biggest fear. He was the kind of mature sexy man that made the young girls' mouths water with fantasies of the "older man." And he was a sexual beast, as well.
It's not that he had ever given me any inclination that he had planned on leaving, he hadn't. But let's face it. I wasn't the same bombshell I was when we met. I didn't have the time to treat him like the King he was. The kids and life had led me to get lazy, and I had put on 20 lbs since we got married. I didn't suck his dick as much as I should, like he deserved. I didn't keep the house up as I should, and I had become a mess. He had given me and our children such a wonderful, easy life. We never went without. On the contrary, we had everything we needed and most of what we wanted. I've always felt like I didn't deserve it.
He was a very talented attorney with a huge law practice, employing several other attorneys and so many other office staff. He had worked so hard to build the firm to where he was able to take as much time off as he wanted for family and recreation, and our income from it never changed. I was so proud of him. I felt guilty for keeping him from fulfilling his potential. In my heart I felt he was capable of so much more without me.
Many years ago, he had told me about some of his college days, and the girls he dated. He was quite up-front about it, telling me that he played the field. Sometimes he would date several girls at a time. He told me about the frat parties, and the sorority girls. He told me about the threesomes, how some girls fought over him, and how we truly had his pick of the litter. There was a never-ending stream of girls to satisfy his needs back then. And he left it all behind to marry me. Little miss Karen Douglas. 5'10" Blonde 120 lb freshman who flunked out of Junior College. I was insecure from the beginning, it just got worse as the years seemed to fly by.
Now, on our 25th anniversary, I wanted to give him something special. Something he deserved. I had no right to keep it from him. On the contrary. I wanted it for him. I was finally ready to put his need in front of my own insecurities. Our daughters were both off at college, so we had the house to ourselves.
I set up a special anniversary dinner with him at the nicest steakhouse in town. I made the reservation and was ready to lay it all out for him, willing to accept whatever his reaction was when I told him.
We arrived at the restaurant about 15 minutes before our reservation, so we grabbed a couple seats at the bar for a pre-dinner cocktail. I ordered my regular chardonnay, and he ordered his regular whisky on the rocks. Seizing the moment and needing courage, I said "How about we do something a little different tonight?"
"Ok, what do you have in mind, babe?" he asked, smiling and accepting of spontaneity.
"Let's order a couple shots of tequila. To loosen up." I said.
"Tequila? Really? What are you up to?" He asked, cocking his head at an angle and smiling. "Sounds fun."
He was always so positive! His response gave me courage, and I blushed. "I have some things I want to tell you. And frankly, I'm scared to death, but I know it will turn out great! So, Tequila?"
He laughed and said "Sure! Tequila it is!" And with that, he motioned for our regular bartender's attention.
"Two shots of that expensive tequila Karen likes, please. Apparently, we need some courage!" he said.
We had our tequila in no time, and it really did the trick.
"There's been something I've been wanting to talk to you about. And I haven't known how to do it. So I'm just going to do it. I'm just gonna say it." I said, looking at him to test his willingness to be open-minded.
"ok... and it is...?????" He asked. Eager to hear whatever bomb I was about to drop. After a pause, he could tell that I was still a bit nervous. He touched my hand, looked me right in the eyes and said, "There's nothing you can't tell me. Just say it."
My eyes welled with relief. He had given me the last bit of reassurance I needed with his look.
"I want to tell you my biggest fantasy. And I'm scared to death because I don't know what your reaction might be." I said.
"Babe, I've been asking you what your biggest fantasy is for years. I've always really wanted to know what's in your mind when it is roaming? Just tell me!" He seemed truly eager to hear it.
"I want to watch you have sex." I mumbled.
"That's it?" He replied, as if it was no big deal.
I continued "...with another woman." I couldn't believe I finally said it.
The look on his face was one of surprise. Not of acceptance. For a moment I thought that I had made a terrible mistake.
Just then the Maître D' said "Mr. and Mrs. Hastings. Your table is ready. Come with me."
Charles smiled at me. I looked back at him in horror, wondering if the Maître D' had heard. "Let's grab our table. We have so much to talk about." He replied with a wink.
I took a deep breath, grabbed my chardonnay and followed him like a puppy to our regular table in the corner. It was one of those secluded corner booths that was set off from the other tables. He waited for me to slide in, but not before patting my butt as he scooted in beside me. The Maître D' handed us the menus and wine list and said, "You two lovebirds have a great dinner."
I felt a red blush come over my face as my heart pounded. I realized that I had actually said it, and now had to further explain myself.
"Tell me more about this fantasy, babe." Charles said as he sipped his whisky, looking over his glass into my eyes, grinning. He was always so confident.
"Well, I just can't get it out of my head. You're so good looking, and I just keep picturing so many other younger women wanting you, and it turns me on. And it makes me jealous at the same time, but them it really turns me on more. It's like a cycle." I said. Then a pause. I waited so anxiously to hear his response. I said "Well, say something! I'm spilling my guts here. Am I crazy?" I looked for his approval.
"You're not crazy, babe. Not at all. That's actually quite a common fantasy," he said matter of factly, "both for women as well as for men. I was totally expecting something much worse. I had braced myself for something groundbreaking!" he giggled his relief.
"So, you're not freaked out by it? I mean, you're accepting of it?" I asked.
"I'm not freaked out at all. You think I'd have a problem with you wanting me to fuck other women?" He asked with a tone of rationality. Suddenly It sounded so weird that I had been afraid to tell him. I actually was afraid my husband would be upset about me wanting him to fuck another woman, or women. I was ashamed and relieved.
