It started on a mate's stag night/bachelor party, - whatever you know a bloke's traditional booze-up before his wedding as. A crowd of us hit the town, crawled the bars and eventually ended up at a lapdancing club, ahem, as you do. . .
A good time was had by all, plenty of dances were bought, and the general agreement was what goes on the stag, stays on the stag.
My wife, Lucy, is a rather beautiful twentysomething English rose, all tall and shapely curves, long silken brunette hair, lovely smile, dazzling eyes and fabulous buoyant 36D breasts, undoubtedly her best asset. However, she is also very shy and quite staid. She only had one serious boyfriend before we got together and sexually it was more a case of persuasion than seduction, but once she was happy in a relationship she soon opened up. She was definitely a one-prick princess, as I'd always been led to believe. Happily, she became my one-prick princess.
A month or so after the stag night was my friend's wedding. Another great boozy day set out in a country hotel. We were staying over like a lot of the guests and when the night finally petered out Lucy and I were left with four other guests: Tony, one of the other guys on the stag, his wife Linda, and a couple I hadn't met before - a sweet, quiet blonde girl called Stephanie and her boyfriend Carl.
With everyone quite merry, Tony haggled a bottle of vodka and a couple of bottles of white wine from the night porter and took us all up to his and Linda's suite. They had what must have been one of the best rooms bar the honeymoon suite, with an open-plan living and bedroom area β a big king-size bed and a very comfortable pair of leather couches. The bottles were placed on the coffee table, Tony got the glasses out, put on the TV to some music channel, everyone spread themselves around and we carried on drinking and chatting.
With Lucy perched on my left and Stephanie and Carl across the table on the opposite couch, Tony and Linda sat on the end of their bed, also to the left. The sexes became engrossed in their own conversations, the girls' chatter soon becoming background noise as us guys talked over them. At some point, though, Tony was telling Carl about the fun on the stag night and blurted out about the lapdancing visit. It was right then that I became acutely aware of the female silence. I winced, Tony stopped talking. We all looked to see the girls listening intently.
Lucy was glaring at me. "Lapdancing?"
What could I do or say? Busted. I tried some cack-handed bullshit about forgetting to mention it because it was crap but she wasn't wearing that. I thought she was actually going to get up and storm out at one point β her galvanising face was flaring red with suppressed rage. It made her look quite sexy but I wisely kept that observation to myself.
Linda saved my ass. She said, "Oh, Andy, you might have said to Lucy. . .Tony told me all about it β he was like a little boy. Couldn't wait. . ."
Thank God for her. Linda is a voluptuous thirty-three year old, with a body built for burlesque. She always reminded me of Betty Page, the old-time striptease girl β same curvy figure, tantalisingly big tits crammed inside her white wedding outfit to show a deep cleavage. Her hair was the only real difference β light brown and cut in a bob which reached just above her shoulders. Her eyes smouldered and her lips were always full and red when I ever met her. Definitely a woman you'd always say had a bit of βva-voom'. She touched Lucy lightly on the shoulder. "Lucy, dear, it's just a bit of typical harmless boys' fun. . .I don't think the dears could help themselves."
"Well. . .I just always thought it was a bit. . .disgusting. . ." Lucy murmured, bowing a bit to pressure and letting me off the murderous stare.
Tony laughed. A successful used car salesman, he was always loud and some might find him a bit obnoxious - I knew Lucy was never too keen on him β but I'd met him often enough to realise he was just βall there'; what you saw was what you got β he meant no harm to anyone, just loved a raucous good time. "The only thing disgusting about it was what was going through my mind," he said.
"What did they do?" Carl asked.
Stephanie looked at him, puzzled. "What do you think. . ."
"No, no. .. I know that. . .I mean, um, did they y'know, go the full monty? Or is it just a topless joint?"
Stephanie looked shocked at the idea. "They strip all the way naked? Oh. I thought lapdancing was just topless. . ." She looked pretty cute while shocked, I thought. Her bright blonde straight hair framed a slim tan face with lovely pale blue eyes and cupid lips. I couldn't see much of her body sitting down but I'd noticed her short flapper-style blue sequin dress earlier and the trim figure and lithe legs beneath while she danced at the wedding. Very nice package.
Lucy looked at me again. "Well, did they flash. . .everything? How many dances did you see?"
"Oh, you pay for a dance one on one," Tony said, then winced as he caught himself. The eejit.
"What?" Lucy was on the warpath again. She slammed her glass down.
I looked at Linda for help. Linda winked and said, "Lucy, surely you've done a little dance for Andy before?"
Lucy reddened and stuttered. Then she looked at me with narrowed eyes and said, "I don't suppose you think I'm worth paying to dance for you?"
I of course assured her she was. Carl laughed as I floundered. Guileless Tony blurted, "Hey, I bet he'd pay. . .I'd pay to see you, Linda, no probs. . ."
I don't think that is what she wanted to hear. She turned on him with that withering stare. "That's nice, Tony βyou wouldn't even pay your own wife? You'd rather have a stranger shake her boobs at you?"
"Ah, Linda dances for me for free all the time," Tony grinned.
Stephanie squealed in delight. Lucy looked even more shocked if that was possible. Linda just looked angry at Tony. "Well Lucy has a point. I don't recall you ever paying me anything to enterain you. . ."
Tony opened his hands wide, "Ah, come on, that's different."
"Oh is it?" Linda said winking at me.
"Yeah, yeah, you're my wife, y'know?"
"No."
"Well, it's a. . .Um, it's a husband- wife thing. . ."
"You don't dance for me. . ."
"That would be stupid. . ."
"Stupid as I am doing it for you for nothing?"
"Hey, it's fun!"
"So how much do you think I'm worth paying? If you compare me to your little floozies in the club?"
Tony was in trouble. "Oh. . .much more. . .Oh, about. . .hmm. . ."