This is an account of my first experience with swinging, or to be more precise, a threesome. It's a story which goes back quite some time but I know for sure that it is the kind of thing that is still happening for young women in today's world.
What prompted me to write was my outrage at a radio phone-in show. I was listening to the program one evening as I drove home from the office. The issue under discussion was the closure by local authorities of a swingers' club. The calls from listeners were all strongly in favour of the place being closed down. People who used the club were condemned out of hand as perverted, immoral and generally up to no good. My anger at these attitudes grew quickly to the point where I pulled the car over and phoned into the show myself. When I told the program producer what I intended to say, he told me that my views would be unacceptable and I was cut-off. I could hardly contain myself but fortunately I realised that I had better get out of the car and cool down before doing something stupid.
Over the following days, after discussing what had happened with some intimate friends, I decided that the best way to get the incident out of my system was to sit down and write about my own experiences. The result is what follows.
*
I was 34; a career woman; just divorced; no children. The divorce was painful because I had to face up to all the mistakes I had made in the marriage. Nevertheless I was determined to get my life back together and I threw my energy into my work. I got the rewards for my efforts, like a nice apartment and a reasonable budget for travel. I didn't even flirt with the idea of an affair with a new man. I liked my life as it was and I didn't want to mess it up again with another failed relationship.
There was just one problem: sex. Or perhaps I should say the lack of sex. It's not that there weren't opportunities. I was propositioned many times by men who wanted to bed me and with some of them I'm sure I could have had a brief fling and moved on. The risk that I might have got involved in something more serious was what held me back.
*
There is a theory that all a girl needs is a vibrator. I had several of them and became quite expert at using them. Yes, they helped me release the sexual tension from my body, but they didn't satisfy my mind.
The kind of sex I wanted was the kind that only another person could provide. I needed the presence of someone else - the smell of them, the feel of them, and the knowledge of their desire for me.
People say about certain women that what they need is a good fucking. If they said that about me, then they were absolutely right.
So, that was the dilemma. But I discovered a solution and it is one which has stood the test of many years.
*
Going to a swingers' club didn't happen on the spur of the moment. The subject first came up in a lunchtime conversation with a close girlfriend, Suzy. She worked in the media and had access to all kinds of illegal imported magazines. (This was apartheid-era South Africa and anything to do with sex was heavily censored.) She'd read something about swinging and swinging clubs and had been fascinated with the idea. Later, I read the article myself. My first impression was that swingers' clubs were really just an organised form of wife-swapping and not for me since I was no longer a wife.
The subject came up again with Suzy a couple of weeks later. She'd talked with other people and had discovered more. To get to the bottom line, I learnt that there was organised swinging right here on our doorstep. Single women were more than welcome. If I was interested then she might be able to arrange something for us. She was up for it if I was.
I played with the idea in my mind trying to decide what to do. Part of me was saying yes but another part was more reluctant.
I realised that I would be having some kind of sex with another woman and that wasn't what bothered me. I had been through a lesbian stage at university and I wasn't averse to picking up on it again; in fact it quite excited me. I had no real experience of group sex except for a teenage session where I 'did it' with a boyfriend in the same room as another couple. There was no swapping of partners, though, and it was really very giggly. Still, I wasn't put off in the least at having someone else see me.
What really bothered me was that I might end up in a situation I couldn't control and that I might not be too safe.
It took another couple of weeks of talking before I finally agreed to accompany Suzy. She'd found out about a 'contact' group where people who were looking for swinging partners could meet others with the same interest. Suzy assured me that nothing actually happened there, except people meeting up, so it would be safe. If they wanted to follow-up, then people would go on to other venues such as their homes or hotels.
To be totally frank, my craving for sex was getting very hard to deal with and I was excited at the thought that there might be a solution in sight. I suppose the give-away to my true state of mind was that, having agreed to go along, the first thing I did was to buy some new underwear.
*
I met Suzy at her place and we drove in tandem to what turned out to be a an impressive property in a very upmarket suburb. That we each took our own cars was another clear indication that we would be open to possibilities.
This was the early 1980's and, certainly here in South Africa, people dressed much more formally than today for any kind of social event. The 'contact' meeting was no exception. Men wore suits and women wore smart dresses and lots of jewelry. To all appearances it was a sophisticated cocktail party. There was nothing whatsoever seedy about it.
We were welcomed by the host and quickly separated and introduced to different groups. There must have been around 40 attendees and it looked as if we might be the only two single women. Most of the people seemed to be over-30 and some were probably much older than that. We were certainly popular and I began to find it a little over-bearing. It's not that there was anything untoward, just that I wanted to stand back and take a breath, not to mention a few large gulps of my drink.
As time went on, smaller groups of people began to form and I managed to catch Suzy's eye. We met-up in the bathroom and quickly exchanged notes. She had already made a connection with two couples and the five of them were planning to leave together. I thought she was wanting to run before she could walk but I left it up to her. For me, I wasn't particularly enthusiastic about anyone I'd met and wasn't feeling too optimistic.