"Oh my God, you thought I'd forget, didn't you?" I ask you incredulously as we drive along M Street. "What kind of monster do you think I am?"
"Not a monster, per se," you say, stroking my hair from the passenger's seat. "But when you get as old as you are, things just kind of slip your mind."
"True," I admit, "I may not remember the order of the first fifteen presidents, or my brother's name, but I've got your birthday etched permanently in there. Credit where credit is due."
"Okay, okay, you get credit," you say, idly pointing through the windshield at some idiot cutting me off while almost running over a gaggle of elderly pedestrians. Traffic in Georgetown on a cool autumn afternoon is predictably an irritating nightmare. "Now where exactly are you taking me again?"
"Well, it's all explained in the envelope," I tell you, turning off M Street and heading up a hill past the university and into the cozy private neighborhoods where prices start at No Freaking Way and go all the way up to You've Got to Be Yanking My Freaking Chain. "Check the glove compartment."
You rub your hands expectantly and lean forward, popping the glove box and reaching in to pluck out a red envelope fastened with a blue seal. You open it up and remove what looks like a concert ticket, except on closer inspection it's not quite what you think.
"Oooooooooh, day spa," you say excitedly. "The Quiet Grove, I've never heard of it....I get the whole day? Terrific!"
"Well, you won't even need the whole day, from what was explained to me," I say with an air of mystery, guiding the car off a cobblestone street and past a sleepy park where a man tosses a tattered white Frisbee to a German shepherd. "In fact, it's only a couple of hours, but it's not like any spa you could ever imagine. We're not talking about the pedicure-facial-massage-and-get-out kind of place. These people are intense. I forget the name of the treatment, but they promise you'll be more relaxed than at any point in your life when you walk out of there."
"I can't wait," you say, noting how expensively the gift certificate is crafted. A silhouette of an embracing man and woman-actually, a half-silver hologram, no less-is emblazoned in one corner, and they personalized a little message to you about how much they're looking forward to seeing you there. You note the date and look at me wide-eyed.
"Today?" you ask me. "We're going there right now?"
"Yeah," I reply. "In fact, it's coming up on the left, I think. I'll drop you off and you can call for me to pick you up when you're all done."
"Brunch was really enough, Ben, you didn't have to do all this for me," you say, obviously not meaning it, relishing in the thought of being absurdly pampered for a couple of hours.
"My pleasure," I say. "I'm going to love thinking of how relaxed they'll make you." We pull up in front of an elegant brick townhouse, the largest one on the block, possibly in the whole neighborhood. "This is 207, right?"
You look down at the gift certificate and then back up at the townhouse, finding this hard to believe. "This is it?" you say wonderingly. "Wow, ritzy, not even a sign or anything. Look at that place."
"They know their stuff," I say, and lean over and give you a kiss. "Okay, call me whenever. And remember, this is really a different kind of place. They told me everything they do, and it's all about what you want. Whatever you feel like doing, just go for it. Really."
"Hmmmmm," you say, giving me a kiss in return. "I don't think you'll have to worry about me indulging myself at a spa. They'll have to boot me out of there."
"Yeah, indulge is the key word," I say. "Take it to the limit. Happy birthday."
"Bye!" you say cheerfully, and hop out of the car with the gift certificate in your hand. You turn to wave So Long and I pull away smoothly, disappearing down the street, leaving you there to embark upon your gift.
You stand on the tastefully paved walk that winds up to the front door for a moment, then approach it. You admire the carefully manicured lawn and the rose bushes on either side of the three steps leading up to the entrance. After banging the brass door knocker a couple of times, you stand back and note the white gazebo perched under some trees around one side of the house. This is indeed a high-end place, the kind usually snatched up by senators and diplomats.
The front door opens and an attractive young woman with dirty blonde hair tied in a ponytail stands inside, smiling at you. "Hi, Lilli," she says cheerfully, and steps aside.
"Lucky guess," you say, laughing, moving into the townhouse.