My husband had just left again and would be gone for another seven to eight months at sea. I had always been faithful to him, but recently his "buddies" were telling me stories about how he isn't when he reaches a port.
At first it tore the heart out of me. Here I was back in military housing taking care of the house and working because he had a gambling problem. I never could seem to keep money in the account. He was out putting into ports and fucking strangers, but he was excepting me to be faithful.
I just had to talk about it with someone and was too embarrassed to tell my family. I confided in my friend Alisha that I just didn't know what to do. I felt betrayed, hurt and frustrated.
Alisha was active duty herself and her husband, Steve, like me, was the civilian. I often went to her house to play cards with her husband and her. When Dan was out at sea, they would invite someone to make a fourth. They would even invite me over for family night with the kids to watch movies and have fun.
"Mary," said Alisha.
"Yes," I replied.
"Have you ever thought of swinging?"
"I never considered it as an option," feeling embarrassed. "I don't know if I could. I m-mean, I've never been with another woman in my life."
Alisha looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes. "Well, if you ever feel a need to be with someone, Steve and I are swingers and we'd love to have sex with you. Don't feel uncomfortable, we've never forced anyone. You'll know if and when the time is right."
I thanked Alisha, but I had so many things whirling around in my head as it was.
A couple of weeks later, one of Dan's shipmates was injured and sent home. Roger had been just one of my many partners while playing cards. I went to the hospital to see how he was doing.
"It was a stupid accident," Roger said. "I slipped and fell and broke it. Doc said I can be released today."
"So," I began. "How's Dan doing?"
Roger looked at me very intently. Just starring into his eyes told me what I needed to know. My eyes started tearing although I tried to control it and I stared down at my lap.
"Go ahead Roger. I've heard a lot of different things from different guys about what Dan is doing."
Roger reached for my hand. "He's a son of a bitch for sure Mary. You deserve better."
He squeezed my hand. I looked up into his eyes while tears ran down my cheeks.
"I'll come back later Roger. I've got to deal with this first" and I left.
As I was walking out to my car, I kept my head down and let the tears fall. I was shaking so bad I was having trouble unlocking the car door.
"Hey stranger! What's new?"
I looked up into Steve's eyes.
"What's wrong Mary?" he came over and took the keys from my hand. I buried my face into his shoulder and started to cry.
"There now, you're in no condition to drive." He walked me over to his car.
"I'll visit Roger later. Let's go home and get you calmed down."
I felt more like I was on remote control as I sat down in the passenger seat. "Steve. I just can't go back to that house with all his stuff. I just can't face it right now!" I cried.
Steve started the car and began to drive, "No. You're coming over to our place for awhile. Alisha is at the airport sending the kids to her mom's for a few weeks." Steve smiled and said, "We're on leave as of now and so are you."
Steve pulled the car in the drive and I followed into the house.
"Now, just sit there and I'll fix you some tea," he said as he started to putter around the kitchen.
I stared off into nothing, feeling nothing ... just letting my mind go blank to match the numbness of my body.
"There we are," said Steve as he set down the cups.
The tea helped bring me back into some form of consciousness.
"First thing Mary, tell me what you need from the house and Alisha and I will go gather it."
I sat just shaking my head up and down.
"Second, we booked a cabin in the mountains and you're coming with us. Come to think of it, I'm going to call and alter it to a two bedroom." He got up and went to the phone.
