What happens in Montreal stays in Montreal, if only that were true. My name is Nadiya Caliph, and I'm a young Moroccan woman living in the City of Ottawa, Ontario. My parents, Mohammed and Farah Caliph sent me to study at Carleton University in the Canadian capital from our hometown of Beni Mellal in Central Morocco. I'm living far away from home for the first time, and life couldn't be better. It never ceases to amaze me, the assumptions that westerners make about me just because I'm a Muslim gal who wears the hijab as I navigate through life in Canada. They think I'm overly religious, sexless and dull. Oh, and I'm supposed to be submissive as well. I guess they don't know women from my part of the world very well.
Living in the City of Ottawa, often called the town that fun forgot by the locals, I nevertheless experienced freedom the likes of which I could only dream of. You don't know what life is like for us Arab ladies in Morocco and other conservative nations within the Islamic world. You think you know but you have no idea. I come from a very conservative culture, yes, but I am also an individual. I'm not very religious, for starters. The last time I set foot in a mosque, I was still in Tangier City, Morocco. People don't bother with asking me about my personal views on religion. They just assume they know how I feel because of how I dress. Growing up in Morocco, I was fascinated by all things western.
There are a lot of American and European businessmen in Morocco's big cities, running companies and such. These men to me seemed more interesting and colorful than the local guys. I was inspired to visit North America by Alexander Henderson, a tall and handsome, blond-haired and blue-eyed American guy from Boston, Massachusetts, whom I met in Tadla-Azilal, the region of Morocco which my mother's family hails from. Alexander Henderson was openly gay, for one thing. In Islamist countries, being openly gay or bisexual is like a death sentence, doesn't matter if you're male or female. Are there gay men and lesbians in Muslim societies? Of course. I was fascinated by Alexander Henderson because he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, and he was also very kind. He gave me many books as gifts, and they were mainly books by gay and lesbian writers such as Oscar Wilde, E. Lynn Harris, James L. Hardy, Cheryl Clarke, Trey Anthony and many others. I fell in love with gay and lesbian fiction, and I will never forget Alexander Henderson until the day I died. As soon as I landed in Ontario, Canada, I called him up at his office in Boston, and we ended up spending three hours on the phone.
Like a lot of women out there, I am fascinated by gay and bisexual guys, and not just in a platonic way. Lots of women find male to male sex a serious turn-on, and even hijab-wearing Muslim women from the Arab world like myself are definitely no exceptions. My fascination with gay male sexuality began while reading the works of E. Lynn Harris, a black gay writer from the United States of America. His character Basil Henderson, a sexy bisexual professional football player who has relations with both women and men, absolutely fascinated me. Even in Morocco, I dreamed of such pairings. Of course, I wasn't crazy enough to find two gay or bisexual Arab guys willing to put on a show for a horny, curious gal like me. Like I said, Arab societies are sexually conservative. Gay and bisexual Arab guys in Morocco stay deep within the closet, just like Arab lesbians and bisexual Arab women. It's their lot in life as non-heterosexuals in a conservative society where religion is the law and individual rights are but a pipe dream.
When I came to Canada, I began to explore my fascination for all things gay. Understand that I am a staunch heterosexual woman, I don't feel any lust toward my own gender, I just fantasize a LOT about two guys having sex with each other. At Carleton University, I surprised a lot of students by joining the gays and lesbians club. They were surprised, to say the least. Hijab-wearing Arab girls like myself don't associate with queers, even at this progressive and liberal Canadian school where more than half of the students hail from places like continental Africa, the Middle East, Latin America or southeast Asia. I thought Carleton University would be lily-white since it's a Canadian school and all, but I saw so many black, brown and yellow faces in the hallways on my first tour of the campus that I couldn't help but smile. I would fit right in at this school.
At the first annual meeting of the gays, lesbians and bisexuals club at school, I told the assembled students that gay rights were human rights, and human rights out to be universal. I shared with them a deeply moving story about a gay Arab man I knew growing up, Yousef. He was married to my mother's friend Khadija. Yousef was queer but since every man is expected to marry a woman and produce offspring in conservative Morocco, he had no choice. Yousef tried to deny his sexual desires for men for a long time, but ultimately he gave into temptation and had a sexual encounter with a young man named Ahmed, whom I went to school with. Ahmed and Yousef got caught and both were executed for crimes against morality and the Koranic rules, which is code for 'being queer'. The mostly white students of the gay and lesbian club at school were shocked. I had tears in my eyes as I shared that story. Yousef was such a nice guy, he was really friendly and respectful towards me. Arab guys back home treat women like shit. Yousef was one of the few good ones. He deserved better than what he got, much better. I don't think anyone should have to die because they're gay or bisexual, regardless of where they live on this planet. I'm a hijab-wearing Muslim woman from Morocco, deep within the Arab world, and that's my sincere and honest opinion.
As luck would have it, my 'mentor' and good friend Alexander Henderson told me he was coming to the City of Montreal, Quebec, to spend a couple of weeks in Canada's most beautiful town for a little vacation. And he was bringing his partner, Jean-Donald Abel, with him. I was excited and nervous to see Alexander again after all this time. I took the bus to Montreal and met him at a restaurant located near The Regency Hotel, where he stayed. Alexander came down from his hotel room, wearing a red silk shirt and blue jeans, and looking fantastic. He wasn't alone. There was someone with him. A tall and broad-shouldered, masculine-looking, dreadlocked Black guy whom he introduced as his partner, Jean-Donald Abel. Wow. I had no idea that Alexander was into Black guys, or that his partner was so cute. I smiled and shook hands with them both. Yes, I shake hands, even though many Muslim women don't. I'm in Canada now so get over it.
