I had butterflies in my stomach as I sat there in the large office, waiting for my interviewer to join me. I was totally unqualified for the job. I had never worked as a secretary before, and certainly had no experience in accounting. The only prior job I had was stripping; not too many respectable jobs are available for high school dropouts.
But then again, the advertisement at the seedy club I was working at had specifically asked for strippers, so I was unsure of what to think. I assumed they were hoping to find a diamond in the rough, or helping someone get their life back on track.
I grabbed the small hand-held mirror in my purse and checked my makeup again, hoping that I could at least look my best. My makeup was done as professional-looking as I could get it, a departure from the usual slutty look I went for. Similarly, I wore the most conservative dress that I owned. Even that meant it ended mid-thigh and showed off quite a bit of cleavage.
My dark brown hair was curled a little bit and left to hang down below my shoulders. The blond highlights streaked throughout gave a nice contrast to the brown and stood out against my darker skin tone.
I returned the mirror to my purse. I tugged on the top of my dress, hoping to pull it up a little more. I was nervously fidgeting more than anything else.
My nerves and anticipation were relieved a little bit when my interviewer walked into the room. I was quite surprised when I saw him. I expected a fat, pale, old white guy, but instead my interviewer was a very well-built and attractive black man in his late 30s.
He walked towards me and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Mr. Matheson. Please call me Charles." His voice was very deep and made me want to fall into his arms right then and there.
I stood up and shook his hand, trying to make it firm. "It's very nice to meet you. I'm Eva."
"Lovely to meet you." He sat down at the chair behind his desk. "So, Eva, tell me a little bit about yourself."
"Yes, well, as a person I am very highly motivated and a good listener. I made a few mistakes early on in my life which I'm still paying for, which is reflected in the lack of a fleshed-out resume. However, I am in a much better place now mentally, and prepared to enter into the workforce. What I lack in prior work experience in this field, I more than make up for in my ability to learn quickly and take orders. Overall, I feel like I could be a very good addition to your office and you wouldn't regret hiring me if you chose to do so," I said, trying to make myself look as good as I could while also being open and honest.
"Thank you for that. I appreciate the openness and honesty. So I will open by clarifying that you saw the ad at the club where you dance, correct?"
"Yes, that is correct. But as I said, what I do for a living doesn't accurately reflect how motivated I am and how good of a worker I could be."
"Yes, of course. But I'm assuming that you saw on the ad that we were only looking for dancers as applicants for this job. Is that correct?"
"You are correct, I did see that."
"So the reason for that is because we have some very specific search criteria we are looking for and demanding job requirements. How willing are you to go above and beyond the call of duty in work? That's something we've had problems with before."
"I am willing to do whatever is necessary to get the job done, or whatever you, or any boss, would ask me to do," I responded, becoming less nervous by the sentence. There was something about Charles that just made you want to open up to him, or be relaxed in his presence.
He slowly nodded his head. "That's the type of answer that I like to hear. Now, I just want to give you a sort of broad overview of what this job would entail. As a boss, I put a lot of stock in office morale. I think it leads to a better work environment and more productive employees. Obviously the best way to go about doing this is to increase happiness and reduce stress or unnecessary tension. So this is where you would come in. Are you with me so far?"
Gears turned in my head, and what Charles was suggesting clicked in my head. I wasn't sure quite the extent of what he was implying, but it was clear that my line of work wouldn't be changing much. I felt pretty relieved actually. This could be a way to transition out of my old life to something slightly more professional, while still being fun. Even if what I was doing was similar, it would look good on paper and help me in the future. Besides, I figured I was more than qualified for what Charles seemed to be indicating. I nodded in affirmation.
"So you would essentially be the office stress-reliever. Now, I'll go into more detail later about this, but first, I just want to go over some technical details. Firstly, will you please sign this confidentiality form?"
He grabbed a piece of paper on his desk and pushed it over towards me, along with a pen. I picked up the pen and began reading the document.
"It just says that what is discussed in this interview and whatever goes on in the office if you are hired cannot be discussed with anyone outside the work place for threat of firing and a lawsuit."
Charles' words made me a bit nervous, questioning what I had unintentionally gotten myself in to. But his way of speaking made it seem like not a big deal and actually reassured me. I put my signature on the bottom of the document.
Charles grabbed the piece of paper back from me and put it in a drawer in his desk. "Thank you for signing that. Now, I'm very specific in who I'm looking for to do this job. Let's start off with some questions about you. So firstly, can you tell me your age?"
"24," I answered. "But I've been working for quite a few years so having a job and taking orders isn't a new experience for me."
"Great! That is just about the perfect age for this. Now, I must say that you are absolutely gorgeous. Your skin is totally flawless and beautiful. Would you mind telling me your ethnicity?"
I thought for a moment, recalling my family's history. "My grandmother was Spanish, so I'm a quarter Latina."
"Well, as I said you look perfect. Now, we are a professional office and ask our employees to maintain a professional appearance. So I have to ask, are you currently or do you plan on getting pregnant?"
"Absolutely not," I firmly responded. "I'm certainly not ready nor have I found someone."
"Okay. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?"
I nodded my head.
"Well may I ask where they are?"
"Oh, sure. Well, I have small tattoos on each wrist and one ankle, and a slightly larger one by my hip, which you wouldn't be able to see with work attire. Obviously ears are pierced, and then a couple non-visible piercings."
"Again, can you tell me where those are?"
"Well, my belly button and then my... um..." I paused for a moment, a little embarrassed. "clitoris."
"Okay, good to know. Plans for any more?"
"Not at the moment, no."
"What about any gauges or major cosmetic surgery?"
