As we get older, birthdays seem less important and, in fact, are something to try and ignore. And presents are often embarrassing, particularly when it comes to saying thank-you.
Not always.
Last summer, my wife Trish and I set off for a week's holiday to a little village on the coast of Cornwall. It had been booked months before and although we had planned it to coincide with my birthday, we both forgot and just looked forward to some downtime, relaxation, and I for one was hoping to up our time in bed together. Trish is often randier on holiday, so my hopes were high. The weather was set to be fine, so sun, sea, sand and sex seemed very much on the cards.
As we drove the long haul down to the West Country, Trish suddenly shrieked that she had only just remembered my birthday and would have to do something memorable in recompense. I played it down, not really wanting another book that would stay on the side until it was polite to shelve it.
Arriving at our holiday cottage, we unpacked and, exhausted, fell into bed with only the energy to spoon together while I relished the feeling of my erection nestled between the warm, round cheeks of her arse.
The next day, we took a long walk along the coast finishing up, just as the sun was going down, in a little pub on the headland overlooking the beach near our cottage.
The pub was alive with holidaymakers and locals, all out to enjoy themselves and we settled in the corner with our drinks and watched the locals chatting and laughing. Trish got up to get more drinks and I noticed her talking earnestly to an extremely pretty girl at the bar. Cursing that I hadn't gone to the bar myself, I took my time taking in every detail of this stunning vision. She was beautiful, that was obvious, but had the sort of body that made your heart not know if it should beat faster or stop altogether.
As an arse man, I spent some time analysing why hers was one to die for, but words failed me as it was too perfect to describe. Her boobs were another great asset with stunningly displayed cleavage - a man could die in there, but what a way to go. All in all, she was delicious.
"Hello, base to mothership." Trish's voice brought me rapidly back to earth.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about tomorrow's walk and whether we should head along the coast path in the other direction."
"No, you weren't, you were analysing the merits of Jen's arse; I know you," Trish retorted.
Caught.
"Well, you have to admit ..."
"As a completely straight girl, I am in no position to judge, but yes, my god she is divine." It was clear that my faithful wife had astonished herself with that reply.
Looking back at the bar, my vision had disappeared but while Trish went off to the Ladies, I spotted an older woman with similar attributes to the girl Trish had been chatting to. I love this holiday, I thought, taking in the second most gorgeous woman in the pub. My mind drifted, imagining this woman, naked, standing and looking out of a window, across a courtyard, deep in thought, while I took in her curves and her beautiful bum, lit perfectly by the light from outside.
"You're at it again," the voice of my wife, again catching me salivating over a woman other than her.
"I can't deny it," I said, following her earlier confession and hoping to get away with it.
"She and that man over there are landlords of the pub, and Jen is their daughter. And," she went on, "Jen is coming over to join us as we rather hit it off, chatting at the bar."
All of a sudden, I got nervous, as I tend to do when in the company of a beautiful woman. Trish is in that league, and I thank the Lord every day that she agreed to marry me, taking the pressure off my nerves when in her presence.
"Oh ... good ... what should we talk about?" I stuttered.
"Relax, she's really easy," and little did I know how true this would turn out to be.
Eventually, Jen came over and sat down with us and we started talking about the hot summer, our holiday, her pub, the coast and the walks nearby; all easy stuff. When we got to talk about us and why we were on holiday out of the main season, Trish mentioned it was my birthday and she was planning something special as she had forgotten all about it.
Jen's eyes lit up. "Ooh, maybe I can help; what had you in mind?"
Trish looked worried. "Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it," she said rather quietly, "I was planning on giving him a special treat; you know ..."
Clearly, Jen was not phased by this and leaving us both open-mouthed, she said, "ah yes, birthday treats are either blowjobs that you never give, or taking it up the arse. Which is it to be?"
Time stood still. If we hadn't been in a crowded pub, I'm sure we would have listened to the gentle ticking of a grandfather clock while we each tried to formulate a reply. I was reluctant to say anything, hoping against hope that Trish would pick one or the other.
"I ..." she muttered.
"Well?" said Jen, "you don't need to be shy with me."
Like a rabbit in the headlights, Trish replied that she couldn't possibly say, but that it was indeed one of those. As we often give oral pleasure to each other, I was able to deduce that my moment had come and that I was to take her anal cherry. My heart nearly leapt out of my ribcage as I processed this thought. I leant across and kissed Trish as Jen watched the two of us, suddenly oblivious to her presence.
