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Dramatis Personae:
Othello, the Moor of Venice
Iago, his ancient
Roderigo, confidant of Iago
Cassio, Othello’s second in command
Desdemona, Othello’s wife
Emilia, Iago’s wife
Brabantio, father of Desdemona
Two Venetian studs
Act 1 scene 1 venice a street
Enter RODERIGO and IAGO
RODERIGO
Bullshit! Don’t tell me; I take it as an insult
That you, Iago, who hast had my balls
As if the sack were thine, shouldst know of this.
IAGO
Ah crap! but you will not hear me:
If ever I did dream of such a matter, Abhor me.
You think I’m fucking queer eh? Roddy?
RODERIGO
Thou told'st me thou didst hold him in thy hate.
IAGO
Despise me, if I do not.
You know what he fuckin’ told me?
'I have already chose my officer.'
And what was he?
For crying out loud, a great arithmetician,
One Michael Cassio, a Florentine,
A fellow almost damn'd in a horny wife already;
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows
Is all his soldiership. But he, sir, had the election:
And I, of whom his eyes had seen the proof
At Rhodes, at Cyprus and on other grounds
Christian and heathen, must be believed and calmed
He, in good time, must his lieutenant be,
And I--God bless the mark!--his Moorship's ancient.
RODERIGO
But aren’t you pissed?
I would be,if some cunt gets to bed,
With Othello’s nymph of a wife.
IAGO
Of course I’m pissed off.
It’s more than that, I love the bitch.
But wise actions on my part,
Will overcome foolish deeds on His.
Call up her father,
Rouse him: make after him, poison his delight,
Proclaim him in the streets; incense her kinsmen,
And, though he in a fertile climate dwell,
Plague him with flies: though that his joy be joy,
Yet throw such changes of vexation on't,
As it may lose some colour.
RODERIGO
Here is her father's house; I'll call aloud.
IAGO
Do it with a nervous accent and ridiculous yell
As when, by night and negligence, the fire
Is spied in populous cities.
RODERIGO
Oi! ya cunt wake up!
LALALALA
COCK-A-DOODLE-DO
LADY IN RED SHE’S DANCING WITH ME
CHEEK TO CHEEK
LALALALA
LALA
BRABANTIO appears above, at a window
BRABANTIO
Fuck off you drunken bastards.
RODERIGO
Signior, is all your family within?
RODERIGO
What’s it to you,
You short arse cunt?
IAGO
Christ, sir, you're robb'd; for shame, put on your gown;
Your heart is burst, you have lost half your soul;
Even now, now, very now, an old black ram
Is topping your white ewe. Arise, arise;
Awake the snorting citizens with the bell,
Or else the devil will make a grandad of you:
Arise, I say.
BRABANTIO
What the fuck have you been smoking?
RODERIGO
Most reverend signior, do you know my voice?
BRABANTIO
No, and I couldn’t give a shit.
RODERIGO
My name is Roderigo.
BRABANTIO
That’s great(!)
Now fuck off!
RODERIGO
Patience, good sir.
BRABANTIO
What tell'st thou me of robbing? This is Venice;
This isn't Liverpool you fool.
RODERIGO
Most grave Brabantio,
In simple and pure soul I come to you.
IAGO
For fuck’s sake, sir, you are one of those that will not
serve God, if the devil bid you. Because we come to
do you service and you think we are ruffians, you'll
have your daughter covered with a Barbary horse;
you'll have your nephews neigh to you; you'll have
coursers for cousins and gennets for germans.
BRABANTIO
What kinda cock-sucking wretch art thou?
IAGO
I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter
and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.
BRABANTIO
Thou art a villain.
IAGO
You are--a senator.
Exit above
IAGO
Farewell; for I must leave you:
Though I do hate him as I do period-pains.
Yet, for necessity of present life,