(See Ozark Morning)
Prior to moving to the Ozarks, I guess, long ago, I had thought of Ozark girls as being dressed in Daisy Dukes, barefoot and pregnant. Not that a girl could wear Daisy Dukes while pregnant. Actually, I thought more in terms of the outfit worn by Lil Dudette, the sex symbol of the Phoenix Rodeo. Of course, Lil Dudette wore cowboy (cowgirl/) boots with her rolled up blue denim shorts. She was a cutie. That picture had passed long ago and my first real contact with an Ozark country girl was a neighbor named Tina. She was mostly naked when I saw her, covered with only a tee-shirt on a cool morning.
That was a couple of days ago and I had intended some way to get back with her. However, I had run into a couple of problems and was away from my little farm for two days. That first encounter had been on a Tuesday and my next experience with the Ozark woman was on Friday. Then it was Ozark women; two more of them.
The morning had been spent cutting and splitting wood for my wood burner. I cut it in the woods in the back of my land and haul it to the wood burner in the front end loader on my tractor. It wasn't cold but that was the way I heated my water. It fact it was a little too warm. Since I love to go naked and my burner, while not out of view of the road, sits quite a ways back from the road. I figured the cars and trucks ripping past would never pay any attention. So I dropped my denim cut off shorts and pulled my tee-shirt over my head. That was all I was wearing except my boots.
Within a few minutes, an older car went by and as is customary in these hills, the driver stuck an arm out of the window and waved. Actually, the custom is to wave with the arm inside, or sometimes just point the index finger up from the steering wheel, but some get a little more demonstrative. The road out of here is enough of an incline that the older cars have to labor a bit. This time I heard the laboring slow and end. Then I heard the engine again and recognized the transmission working at a rapid reverse. The car came back into view and I tried to ignore it. I knew that old car wasn't a police car but wondered what I was in for. My whole yard is a driveway because I run all over it with the truck and the tractor as I have need. That old car pulled into the entrance of the driveway and drove right up to where I was standing. I slowly turned around.
A guy I had never seen was leaning on one arm out the window. They usually drive with the left armpit on the window opening. They have a lot of funny driving habits here. They don't use turn signals and ignore those who do. If you see a turn signal flashing on a car with a Missouri tag on it, you know it was that way when he bought the car. He had a slight smile on his face and said, "If my wife comes by and sees you like that you'll be sorry. She'll be down here all the time pestering you for sex."
I laughed and replied, "C'mon now. I'm old and not exactly what the girls are looking for. You don't look too concerned, so I assume you are just making a joke."
"I'm not concerned. We have an agreement. She can screw whoever she wants and I can screw whoever I want. We even con other couples into joint fun. We only have to con them once and then they become converts. I'll show you. I'm going to call her on my cell and tell her what I saw. You will probably have company in, oh, let's say less than six minutes. Stay out here, okay?"
"I have quite a bit of wood to stack so it will take some time. I'm going to mow the yard too. What will she be driving, so I know who she is?"
"She drives an old, red F-150. Her name is Katy."
"I won't hold my breath," I said. He backed up and drove away.
I went on working but my mind was somewhere else. It was down on the road and wondering if the guy was serious. He wasn't familiar and I didn't remember the car so I wasn't sure he wasn't just passing by. He probably didn't live as close as he indicated.
Very soon I heard another vehicle. This one went by honking and waving but not stopping. "Everybody must look this way when they go by", I thought. I was usually aware of traffic and didn't remember this much. Sometimes I was other places on the property about lunch time so maybe I just hadn't been all that alert. Did all these people go home for lunch?
The sound of another car came to my ears. This one was coming along slowly. I guessed Katy.
I guessed wrong. This was an SUV and it turned into my entrance like it had intended to all along. There were two women in it. They weren't clear because of reflections from the trees but I could tell they were women. This vehicle also drove right up to where I was working. I kind of wished I had put my shorts back on so I could finish my chores.
"Hi, Roger," the driver called. This must be somebody I know. That could be good or bad. Both doors opened and out stepped two women. One was mid twenties and the other about fifty or so. The fifty year old was the one who had called my name. I didn't know her.
"I'm Tina's mother, Maggie," she continued. "She and Garrison told me about your visit and I have been dying to meet you every since. This is my younger daughter, Liz."
"Hi," I said. "Sorry I'm not dressed. Somehow, I don't think you care. Did Tina send you?"
"Actually, no. She said you gave her a rain check on fucking and she intended to be first later on. Garrison told us. He couldn't keep his mouth shut. Mouthing off is his second favorite thing to do," said Maggie.
"What's his favorite?"
"You saw it," said Maggie. "He likes to play with that little thing of his while looking at the girls the thinks are his daughters."
"Thinks?", I asked.
