"Super Shark Versus Alien T-Rex, that's the title of the frigging movie?" Zulai Basayev said, aghast. The Chechen-born actress resisted the urge to grab her agent by the neck, and sighed deeply. The agent in question, a mustachioed, bald-headed little man named Nikolai, seemed unusually happy as he presented her with a copy of the script, courtesy of Director Alan White.
Alan White worked for the tongue-in-cheek horror/science fiction movie studio known as The Asylum, the force behind the cult classic Sharknado and movies with the word Super Gator in the title. That's what I get for openly criticizing the Russian government, Zulai thought, and she shook her head and closed her eyes, hard.
When the leader of the free world was a handsome Black gentleman from Chicago, Zulai Basayev had been one of his staunchest supporters. At the time, Zulai was all over the place, appearing in TV series like Arrow and The Walking Dead, and she even had an uncredited cameo in Jurassic World. Of course, Zulai went the extra-mile of criticising the leader of Russia, her former home. That's when Zulai got Blacklisted in Hollywood...
Overnight, Zulai became a pariah in Hollywood, which is weird because lots of Hollywood liberal types criticized dictators around the world as well as ultra-conservative American politicians. George Clooney was a famous example of this, yet nothing ever happened to him. Life is unfair, Zulai remembered thinking as her stock plummeted in Hollywood...
Once upon a time, the very idea of appearing in a movie made by The Asylum would have been revolting to Zulai Basayev. How times have changed. Zulai recalled watching those really bad movies on the Sci-Fi Channel, sorry, the Syfy Channel, and laughing at the really bad acting, and cheesy special effects.
The Asylum cranked out movies that were gory, camp, and full of sexuality and PG-level violence. They pitted man, or more often, woman, against alien, creature or monster in ridiculous setings. Most of the movies revolved around college students or tourists on the beach or someplace that looked fun, and encountering a monster or some kind of science experiment gone wrong, and chaos ensues.
Inevitably, the leader of the students or vacationing bozos, a hot blonde chick, teams up with a handsome, macho guy with a gun fetish to take down the alien, the demon or the monster. That was the plot of ninety percent of those really bad Saturday night movies on the Syfy Channel. Zulai would watch them during her college years, in her bathrobe, shaking her head at the over-the-top acting. Movies so bad they were...kind of good?
"I've acted in James Bond movies for crying out loud ( a brief cameo as a pretty gal who smiles at Pierce Brosnan in Golden Eye ), this can't be happening to me," Zulai protested, and Nikolai grimaced, bracing himself. When his long-time client launched into one of those woe-is-me tirades, he knew from experience that she'd be at it for a while...
"Zulai, my dear, they're offering you one point seven million dollars U.S. for the movie," Nikolai said, and from the abrupt change in Zulai's facial experession and demeanor, the little man realized that perhaps he should have led with that. Cash-strapped, and no longer a household name in Hollywood, the beautiful, aging Zulai Basayev could certainly use the money...
"Hmm, perhaps you should have told me that first," Zulai said, glowering at Nikolai, who smiled sheepishly. Zulai sat down on the couch, and all but snatched the script from Nikolai. The movie itself didn't matter, for she knew she would do it. There were foreclosure notices on her half-a-million dollar home in Malibu, California, and Zulai knew that a million plus would definitely come in handy...
"Yes, you're right, Zulai, splendid, I shall inform the studio and the director that we're in alignment," Nicolai said, and Zulai grinned, then gently patted him on his bald head, something he absolutely hated. I am not your pet, Nikolai thought, and he stood before Zulai, all five-foot-six and a hundred and twenty nine pounds of him, furious.
"Come on, Nikolai, you know I would be lost without you," Zulai said, and she grabbed him and gave him a hug, squishing his face between her silicone-enhanced breasts. Nikolai hugged his mistress, no, ahem, his client, and felt his anger and frustration melt like ice in the sun. Zulai knew how to make him forgive her...
"Alright, Zulai, you are dear to me too, please, show up on time on the set and do as the director says, the movie should take only a month to film, do it for both our sakes," Nikolai said, sighing, and Zulai grinned. She was already seeing major dollar signs. The past couple of years hadn't been kind to Zulai, to say the very least...
Zulai recalled the humiliation she felt when she auditioned for the part of iconic actor Tom Hardy's love interest in the superhero movie Venom, only to be told that she was too old and too Eastern European for the role. Said role eventually went to Michelle Williams. Never mind that she was only a few years younger than the film star himself. That's simply the way Hollywood works, Zulai thought bitterly.
Zulai Basayev recalled her old life in the City of Grozny, Capital of Chechnya. She was born to a Chechen Muslim father and a Dagestani mother. Zulai would have led a perfectly ordinary life, if it weren't for her talents in art and music. Zulai went to study at university in Moscow, and during her first year, she was discovered by Russian-American movie director Alexander Garkin. It was a moment that changed her life...
Zulai Basayev, the daughter of a staunch Chechen Muslim Imam, was taken to Los Angeles, California, where, against her father's wishes, she became a model and later a controversial Hollywood actress. At the age of twenty three, after appearing in seven movies, with various degrees of success, Zulai married filmmaker Alexander Garkin.
