Endless Cycle

I met my ex-girlfriend Laura about 4 months ago. We met at my buddies’ birthday party. She was a friend of a friend of one of my buddies’ girlfriends. When I first met her I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of hooking up with her. Being one of the only black guy at the party the chances of me hooking up with someone that night was slim. Laura looked good. She was the type of white girl that was built for fucking. What I mean is, Laura was thick. Laura stood about 5’ 10. 150lbs. She had curly blonde hair. Almost all of her weight rested in her ass and in her huge Double D-sized breasts. I’m not really a breast man, but this girl had enough tits for an army to suck on.

I usually can sense if a white woman likes to get down with black men. It’s all in the way she looks at you. It’s the way they look at you out of the corner of their eyes. It’s a type of smile that lets you know, its hard to explain, call it a sixth sense. I could almost always tell which white girl would be down for some interracial fun. You see, even though Laura was a beautiful woman her size would intimidate most white men. I knew this from experience. I have been fucking white girls for as long as I could remember.

Laura was packing a fat ass. Most of my white friends didn’t even bother with girls with a big ass. They were always salivating over those skinny bony looking bitches. Those Barbie doll wanna be’s. I gave those types no love. Most of those females think they’re so fucking hot they think their shit don’t stink. I fucked plenty of them back in the day. Let me tell you a secret, just because a girl is beautiful doesn’t mean she can fuck. Some of those pretty little bitches couldn’t give you a decent blowjob to save their fucking life. One time I was fucking one of those tiny little white girls. She was so fucking pretty. But the bitch couldn’t fuck and she couldn’t suck. I was so fucking pissed I never called her again after that night. She was a big waste of time and money. All she did was complain and tell me that I fucked her to hard and to fast..

To be honest with you some of the best pussy I ever had was from girls that where a little on the chunky side. I’m talking about the girls that had a little extra all over. Nine out of ten times they would give you a good fucking, and their mouths were bigger which meant they could take more of my cock in their mouth. When I scope out a woman, there are two things that I look for, a nice juicy fat ass and a wide mouth. You can say what you want, but that’s what I like.

Laura and I hit it off at the party that night. I really liked her. Laura told me that she was going through a divorce. She told me that her husband was in jail for spousal abuse and not paying child support. I had to ask her if her husband was black or white. Usually you hear about black men going to jail for shit like that. Its very rare you hear about white guys getting locked up for non- payment of child support. Laura laughed and told me that he was white. Laura and I went out the following week and had an amazing night together. We fucked and sucked all night long. Laura was one of the sweetest girls I ever met. She was very sexual and just absolutely loved to fuck and suck. I was a little hesitant of how Laura’s 11-year-old daughter would accept me. Laura’s daughter Marissa and I hit it off. The little girl was absolutely adorable. I remember the first time I went over her house. When I knocked on the door Marissa answered it.

“Who’s at the door sweetie,” Laura yelled from the back room.

“I don’t know mommy, He’s tall and he’s black,” said the little girl, smiling.

“That mommy’s friend… be a good girl and let him in.”

I thought little Marissa was the cutest thing I have ever scene. That night Laura cooked a nice Italian dinner for us. We had a good time. I was surprised at how well behaved Marissa was for her age. I didn’t have any children, and most of the children I knew at that age all acted like brats.

Everything was going great for the first few months. Laura and I had a lot of fun. It’s hard dating a woman with a child, cause they just can’t do things at the spur of a moment. Thing have to be a little more planned out. It was hard for me to get used to at first, but I understood. I would plan things for the 3 of us. We went on day trips to the city; we took Marissa to the zoo. The fact that I was black didn’t even faze Marissa. When you get older and if you don’t have any children you forget how innocent they are. They have not yet been corrupted by the world we live in; they don’t really know the hard cold truths about racism in America.

The one outstanding thing that I loved about Laura was her sexual appetite. The woman was horny all the time. She had what I called a “M.A.D.” pussy, which meant her pussy was (Moist All Day). And what I like about Laura was that she instigated the sex. Sometimes we could just be watching television, and out of the blue she would just blurt out “Take your cock out...I wanna suck it.” I almost never started things off. She would beat me to it and I loved it. It’s nice when a woman wants you sexually as bad as you want her. I believe a man needs to hear that from time to time. I know for a fact if I always have to set it off or if I’m the one who always has to instigate the sex… I will get bored with you and eventually I will feel that you’re not interested in sex. Don’t get me wrong I’m fucking horny all the fucking time, but I need to know that you desire me also.

In life my friend’s, good things almost never last. About three and a half months into our relationship Laura started acting weird. What I mean by weird is, she seemed distant, like her mind was somewhere else. I couldn’t explain it. I knew something was wrong. I tried to talk to her, but every time I asked her what was wrong, she would just say that everything was fine or that she was just a little tired.

About a week later I went over her house. I couldn’t take it anymore, the silence was deafening. I said,

“Look Laura …Either you tell me what’s wrong or I’m out of here.”

She started crying immediately. Now I felt like a real jerk. Then she told me. Her husband called her and told her that he was out of jail. I had kind of forgotten about her husband. It just never dawned on me that he would be getting out of jail this soon. I asked her how long has he been out of jail for? She told me that he has been out of jail for 2 weeks and that he has been calling her everyday. I reacted angrily to her

“For two weeks I have been asking you what was wrong…why couldn’t you just tell me?”

Laura just sat there in complete silence then she cried for about ten minutes. I felt kind of bad for her. But I was still a little angry that she didn’t tell me what was going on. Then she let me have it. She might as well have kicked me in the nuts. She told me that her and her ex have been talking and she was thinking about getting back together with him for the sake of the child. I lost it at that point. I asked her if she forget why he was in jail. I asked her if she remembered when he would come home drunk and beat the shit out of her. I threw everything back in her face that she ever told me about that fucking loser. I was perplexed at her train of thought. Everything I said negative about her ex, she had a rationale and an excuse for his actions. I was just mystified. Why would she put herself and her daughter through that bullshit all over again?

“Laura think about your daughter, who’s going to take care of her the next time he whips your ass…Do you think he really gives a fuck about her…You’ve been letting him fill your fucking head with empty promises for two fucking weeks…. I’ll bet you he said, he’s going to change and all that crap,” I said with concern, trying my best to help her see things clearly.

“You don’t understand Wilson, He’s the father of my child and he loves his daughter…I can’t deny him that…. you just don’t understand …you don’t have any children,” she said sobbing.

I didn’t know what to say in response to that. I was hurt and I was angry. You see, over the past few months I had fallen in love with Laura. Although I never told her that I loved her, I really did. I thought to myself maybe if I had told her how I felt she wouldn’t be thinking about getting back with her ex. Immediately I felt uncomfortable. I no longer felt welcome in her home. Her husband had gassed her head up and sold her (a happily ever after story). I have had a lot of experiences with women and there is one thing I know. When a woman has made her mind up there is nothing you can do.

And there is one thing that I will never do. I will never, ever beg a woman. I put my pride in my back pocket and headed for the door.

Laura jumped up and said, “Where are you going”

“Where am I going… baby it’s time for me to go…You’ve made your choice honey… and I… ain’t the one…. Look… its kool baby…but I have to go.”

I never thought it would end like this, I was angry, but I still loved her. She hurt me but I knew that I would get over it. Once things sour in a relationship, I kind of just shut down my emotions. It happens almost instantly. The last thing I said to her just before I walked out the door was.

“Laura… I love you girl…. and I always will… I wish you the best baby…. Say goodbye to Marissa for me…ok.” I then reached out wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug.

When I got to my car I cried like a little boy. I don’t even know why I was crying. I guess I had more feelings for her then I thought I did. I knew why I was crying. It was the same old cycle, meet a great woman, fall in love, and then get your heart broken. I’m no fucking saint. I can’t sit here and tell you that I haven’t fucked up a few relationships myself. I’m not perfect but there is one thing I do have, and that is sense. But a part of me did have to wonder. I had a good job, I didn’t drink or do drugs and I have always been a responsible person. Laura’s ex was a bum. She told me that he could never keep a job longer then five or six months. He drank everyday and would do drugs. And, the thing that really fucked with my head was, why would a woman be with a man that physically and emotionally beats her down?

I cannot and will not judge a woman, for things she has done in her past. Deep down I felt Laura was making a bad choice for her future. Her destiny was in her hands. The next day I found myself looking in the mirror and asking myself,

“Why would a woman chose a totally abusive loser over you, Wilson.”

Just asking myself that question made me feel like a loser. It took me about a week to get my head together. I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself. I actually felt good. Every relationship is a learning experience, you win some and you lose some. I also had to remind myself that nothing lasts forever. I picked myself up and moved on. I came to the conclusion that Laura was the one that lost. She had chosen her path. She chose to go down a bumpy unpaved road. The road I was offering was apparently to smooth for her.

About a month later I received a phone call from Laura’s Mother. I was shocked at first and didn’t understand why she was calling me. I had met Mrs. Becker once before. The four of us went out to dinner one night. She didn’t say much, and I didn’t think she was to pleased to find out that her daughter was dating a black man. She was crying when I answered the phone. I asked her what was wrong?

“Oh Wilson, I’m sorry to bother you… but I didn’t know who to call.”

“Its ok Mrs. Becker…. What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Is Laura ok,” I asked?

“Laura is not ok…. That husband of hers beat the shit out of her again, She in the hospital.

When she said that my heart dropped, I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Mrs. Becker told me that her husband came home drunk and just went crazy. I asked when did this happen? She told me that it happened two days ago. I asked her how was Laura doing. She then told me that Laura was banged up pretty bad; She said that they just wanted to keep her there a few days for observation. I asked her about Marissa, and I asked her if there was anything I could do.

“Wilson, I begged her not to get back with him, I don’t know why she ever broke up with you, You’re such a nice man, I begged her to stay with you.”

I was totally shocked by what she was saying. All this time I thought this woman didn’t like me. Now she’s telling me that she begged her daughter to stay with me. She then continued,

“When Laura was with you she was so happy…Why she went back to him is beyond me…Wilson, she has been asking about you and Marissa misses you also…. do you think you could come by the hospital and pay her a visit”

For a second I felt myself-getting weak. Then I quickly regained my focus. This was the path that Laura had chosen.

“Mrs. Becker, I would love to, but I can’t.”

There was a long pause on the phone,

“Oh…. I understand.” She said.

“Let me explain…. Laura chose to get back with him; I loved her, and asked her to reconsider her options. She didn’t want to be with me anymore. She chose him over me. I can’t put myself back in that position again. What’s going to happen after they let him out of jail, if he’s even there now…I can’t allow myself be kicked to the curb by the same woman twice…I’m sorry but I can’t see her. I can’t be her second choice…I’m sorry.”

It was hard for me to say that. But I had to, I had no other choice. Laura’s mother told me she understood where I was coming from. She told me that it wasn’t Laura’s idea for her to call me. She also told me that she was just trying to help out. She said she just wanted to see Laura smiling again, the way she smiled when she was with me.

I felt bad after I got of the phone but I also felt good about myself. I didn’t get weak and I didn’t loose focus. After I got off the phone I said a prayer for Laura and her daughter Marissa… and I got on with my life.

And, just like that, life rolls on. Don’t get me wrong, for the next month there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about Laura. But every day it got less and less. I started hanging out and chill’ in with my boys again. I met a few women and started dating again.

It was Friday night and I had a hot date planned with this girl named Denise that I had met in the super market of all places. I always liked going food shopping. You can tell so much about a woman from what they put in the grocery cart. You can tell weather she’s single or if she’s married or if she has children. We were looking for the same item in an isle. Our eyes met and I felt a spark. I just started talking and the next thing I knew we were walking around the super market shopping together. We exchanged phone numbers and talked to each other every single night.

Denise called me up and told me that she had an emergency. Her mother had gotten real sick and she had to go to Queens to check on her. She promised she would make it up to me Saturday night. Usually I would get pissed off, but I understood her situation, She had been telling me all week long that she was worried about her mom.

I had big plans for us that night; I was going to cook a nice dinner for Denise and hopefully get her to give me some of that pussy. From our phone conversations I could tell that she was ready to fuck. It was too late to make plans with my buddies, so I decided to have a few beers and watch some porno tapes.

I was sitting down on the couch with the remote in my right hand and my cock in my left hand slowly masturbating to a really hot porno scene. It was an interracial scene. The black guy in the tape was fucking this white girl in the ass. I have fucked a lot of women, but I have never fucked one in the ass. I wanted to, and I have tried a few times, but the girl’s always started screaming and told me that they couldn’t handle it. I talked about it with Laura but she said she did it once with her husband and didn’t like it.

I was having a good old time, and then all of a sudden my doorbell rang. No one ever just comes over my house without calling me first. I pulled up my sweat pants and headed to the door. I asked who it was, but no one answered.

When I opened the door, I was speechless.

“Hi, Wilson,” Laura said, with a big smile on her face.

She looked absolutely beautiful; She was wearing a long black dress with white high heels shoes. The dress she was wearing hugged every curve on her body. Her big juicy tits looked liked like two trapped cantaloupes.

“Well are you going to let me in or are you going to just stare at me,” she said with a devilish little grin on her face.

“OH…Ah…. Come on in…. I’m sorry…it’s just that I’m shocked to see you.” I said as cool as I could.

I wasn’t cool at all; I was just overwhelmed, and taken by surprise by seeing her at the door. Laura walked in and headed for the couch. I turned around and followed her. Her thick voluptuous ass just swayed from side to side. I remember how I loved to watch Laura walk. I’m an ass man; I just love to watch a sexy woman with a nice thick booty walk. I think it’s an art form. Not all women with big butts can pull it off. There is a certain way one must go about it. It’s in the stride and in the way she moves her hips. It’s like a slow elegant dance that’s sweet and sexy. It commands respect and whispers to you, “I am all woman”.

When Laura sat down, she crossed her legs revealing just a little bit of her meaty thigh. I thought I was dreaming for a second. I didn’t think I would ever see this woman again. Now she was sitting on my couch, looking like a million bucks.

We starting talking, actually she talked and I just listened and stared at her. She started telling me all about her new job. Then she talked about her daughter Marissa for about another fifteen minutes. I just shook my head, nodded and smiled. The one thing that she didn’t mention was that her husband had beaten her up a while back. I wasn’t even sure if she knew that I knew about it. A part of me was happy that she was here and another part of me was wondering, WHY?

I got us each a beer and sat back down. Laura seemed very relaxed. I finally had to ask her,

“So what brings you by here baby?”

There was a long pause; she didn’t even look up at me when she said,

“Wilson, I miss you so much…I’m sorry…. I’m sorry I hurt you…I didn’t mean to do that… I was just confused…do you think you can forgive me?”

I felt her words deep in my heart; I knew she was being honest and sincere. I had already forgiven her in my heart. It’s easy to forgive, but it’s not easy to forget.

“Hey don’t worry about that baby…I’m cool…. Look…. Shit happens and we move on…Don’t give it a second thought…I’m not mad at you anymore…I’m just glad to see that you’re doing well.

Laura reached out and gave me a big long hug. It felt so nice to have her in my arms once more. The smell of her hair and the smell of her perfume brought back wonderful memories of the times we once shared together. When she let go of me, we just stared into each other’s eyes. I knew that look she had in her eyes, it was that I want to fuck you look, that I remember seeing so many times. Just that look alone would make my cock rock hard.

I wanted her so bad, I wanted to touch her they way I used to. I wanted to kiss her passionately, I wanted to grab her and hold her in my arms. The battle from within had started in my mind. I wanted to do so many things to Laura. My cock was telling me one thing but my heart was telling me another, and, my mind was telling me something totally different. What was I going to do? Deep down I knew that no good was going to come from this encounter.

Laura put her beer down on the coffee table and sat back down on the couch. When she bent over I got a good look at her thick juicy ass. She just looked incredible. Her hips just flared out in that dress. When she sat back down she cuddled up next to me on the couch. Instinctively I put my arm around her and she put her head on my chest. I could feel myself getting week from the scent of her perfume. Her soft body just melted into my chest.