Fe didn't stop her half-walk, half-trot until she was halfway back to her dorm. When she had calmed down enough to think, she finally realized that she had been holding her breath most of the way. She slowed down enough to try to catch her breath, her heart beating so fast she thought it was going to burst in her chest. "Why, of all people, did Clint have to find that fucking book," she thought. She had bought it from a bookstore near campus, the same place she bought the other books she left at Joel's. That was the only one she kept because she wanted to know what to expect the next couple of months, especially with the nausea and avoidance of food that seemed to last all day, not just mornings like depicted in movies and TV shows. She had been reading it during lunch, which consisted of nothing more than an apple and water (the only things that didn't make her want to hurl) which was right before her Econ class. If the whole situation wasn't so mortifying, she would've called up Maxine and told her everything, and they would laugh their asses off. Just then, her text message ring tone went off. She dug it out of her pocket and looked at the screen. Speak of the devil; it was a message from Joel.
Fe took a deep breath before reading it. This was the first time she had heard from him in more than two weeks. His first 100 messages were him just apologizing for not locking the door and her having to see some girl in his room. His last few messages were angrier and more combative, calling her childish and immature for refusing to be a woman and at least talking to him about the situation. But the very last message she had received from him was the most hurtful. It read, "What about the baby?" It was the only time in all of his texts that he had acknowledged that Fe was pregnant. She didn't think that he even cared considering how quick he was to jump into bed with Maggie. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just asked her that because he knew it would get to her. But after the plea he made in her bedroom that night, Fe couldn't imagine that he wasn't touched that their 17 years of friendship and love had resulted in a child. While all of that ran through her mind, she read his current text.
"Did your boyfriend say something you didn't like?"
Fe groaned softly. Fe forgot that he had an accounting class in the same building at the same time. They used to meet in the lobby area afterwards and walk back to their dorms together. Well, actually Joel would stop by Fe's dorm, eat whatever she had in the fridge that wasn't her roommates, take a nap, and then go back to his dorm. Fe used to watch him while he slept and marveled at how beautiful he was and how he looked so innocent. Now, every time she saw his face, her stomach turned. It was a feeling she didn't like having.
Fe continued walking to her dorm, at a slower pace now, when her text message tone went off again. And once again, the message was from Joel. She read and felt her stomach start to knot up, probably a combination of all-day sickness and nervousness. It read, "I'm tired of the games and all the bullshit. I need to see you tonight and we need to talk. 7 p.m. in my room. Be there."
Fe didn't know what to feel or what to think. As much as she didn't like his tone in the text message, he was right. They did need to talk. She was almost two months along and they needed to come up with a game plan whether they were ready or not. The pregnancy wasn't going to go into pause because she and Joel didn't get along. She unlocked the backdoor to her dorm building and made the grueling three-story climb to her floor. Maybe a nap and a nibble would make her feel better before her big meeting.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
It was 6:45 and Fe had been pacing outside of Joel's dorm room/apartment for ten minutes. People had been walking past her, giving her a weird look. But Fe was too lost in her own thoughts to even notice. What would they say? What would they do? What would they decide? These were all questions that she knew wouldn't be answered standing on the outside. She took a deep breath and knocked softly, hoping that if she did it like that, he wouldn't hear and she could go home and claim that she knocked and waited and no one answered. She had no such luck. Joel had a feeling that she'd do something chicken like that so he perched himself in his kitchen which was right next to the door. He heard her faint knock and quickly fixed himself, although he wasn't dressed in anything to be impressive in. He bit his lip nervously and reached for the door. Turning the knob he knew his whole future with Fe depended on how this meeting went and he wasn't going to fuck it up.
Fe counted to ten and was just about to walk away when she heard the door unlock and open, a noise she never thought she'd dread hearing. Joel stood in the doorway wearing Aeropostle pajama bottoms she had gotten him the Christmas before to replace some ratty ass sweats he always insisted on wearing. To make sure he got rid of the old ones, she ripped them up and threw it away in her dorm dumpster, insurance that he wouldn't dig them out of the trash. He was shirtless, something he had become accustomed to doing once he moved into a dorm. He stomach wasn't muscled bound like in commercials but it definitely had definition and could easily make Fe speechless. She tried not to look down at his body for fear that she would lose control. Fe looked cute in her dress down outfit, even if she didn't know it. She wore jeans, an Ohio State sweatshirt and black and pink Nike sneakers. It was the way that Joel looked to see her because he insisted it was more natural. But Fe just saw it as comfortable.
She put on the best "bitch" look she could muster and began to speak, "You wanted me here? I'm here."
Joel chuckled, inwardly. Yeah he wanted her, all over his apartment. He could tell she was trying to keep her eyes off of him, staring past him as opposed to at him so that she wouldn't cave in. He recognized that look from the night when he knocked her up. It was her defiant look. And as hard as she was trying to make herself look, she actually looked very cute. He had to force the smile that was threatening to creep on his lips back and instead give back an asshole look of his own.
"Yeah, I wanted you here. Come in."
Instead of being the gentleman he was raised to be and open the door wide enough for her to enter, he turned around and walked off to his room himself. If she wants to be a bitch, she can get the door her damn self. Fe rolled her eyes and walked in. This was going to be a long conversation.
Joel walked to his room and plopped himself down on his bed, lying back with his hands behind his back. Fe scoffed. "Look, if want to talk, then talk. I have somewhere to --"
"You want something to drink? I do. I'm parched."
Before Fe could object, he was up and out of the room. Why did he have to make everything so hard? Fe sighed in frustration and began looking around the room. It was the same way he always had it. Everything was neat and in its place. He had always been a neat freak, from the first day she had known him. His dad was the exact same way. It was one of the few outward traits that the two shared and Fe loved to make fun of. It drove Joel crazy but it was a habit that he couldn't seem to break. Fe's eyes scanned the floor and she noticed a box. It was her box. She had forgotten it that day when....well, when shit hit the fan. She bent down to open it and make sure that everything was still there. The box was half empty. Fe stood up and began looking around the room but she didn't have to look far. On his desks were at least 14 books, all arranged as if he was doing research. She found a couple of spiral notebooks sitting next them as well. One already full from notes that he had taken from the books and he had started on another. His last notes were on how to "make Fe feel as comfortable as possible in her last months". It listed massage and relaxation techniques. This wasn't something he had started last night. This was something he had been at for weeks.
Joel walked back into the room holding two glasses and holding one towards Fe. "Here's some orange juice. It's loaded with vitamins for you and -- "
"You read all these?"
Joel looked down at his feet and starting biting on his bottom lip again. He couldn't imagine why, but now he felt so nervous and self-conscience around her. He hadn't intended for her to see that he had been actively reading everything her pregnancy and parenting books had to offer. But he was so engrossed in wondering what was going to happen when she got there, that he had forgotten to put the books back in the box.
