Things had become boring in my Melbourne based Accounting firm. Don't get me wrong. Accounting is boring for most people, but not for me. I know us Accountants have our lank, thinning hair meticulously arranged in a comb over style and wear beige suits with black shoes, thin black tie and a black belt along with bottle glass spectacles and people think of us nerds. I have to say in my defence that although I have a fountain pen, two ballpoint pens and a sharpie kept as a failsafe emergency in my shirt breast pocket, careful and meticulous care of these writing implements has meant I have never had an ink stain ruin my shirt.
To people like me, however, there is excitement in watching the flash of excel cells cascading onscreen as they change when new data is introduced and the thrill of finally tracking down a $5.60 error. And of course, who cannot almost cum upon seeing red deficits turn into black profits or hearing a rumour that the government is about to issue a new depreciation scale for business tax. No, as always, I was feeling great about my work. What had become boring was sex.
I have 16 female Accountants in my business, Down Under Financials. All Vietnamese, all highly qualified and probably better Accountants than me, as I had picked up my qualifications in easier times. They all knew their well above industry level salaries included fucking the boss, and my Accounting business was a sole proprietorship, so that meant me, twice a year.
Their enthusiastic efforts in this area of their employment was a result of a special spreadsheet I had created. The spreadsheet scored and weighted what they did in bed with me, and then tallied these scores into their final mark. It obviously had things like my enjoyment, bonus points for sexual activities I had never experienced before, creativity in sex toys, etc. It even scored the loudness of their moans. That spreadsheet was a work of art, even if I say so myself. So, every year on June 30, because the financial year is far more important than the calendar year, the employee at the bottom of the aggregated scores received an EOFY (End of Financial Year) present: her final pay cheque and an excellent reference that stated I reluctantly had to let her go due to my client base shrinking. I gave that reference, whether or not she had worked well. See. I am a very fair man.
However, after 10 years it was becoming boring and repetitive so I put on my thinking cap and came up with Friday Frenzy. Every Friday two of the staff would sexfight in front of the other 14 women and me, with the winner progressing to the next round. The winner also had the right to choose between two things. She could take 15% of the loser's salary for that third of the year (the entire thing needed 15 contests to get an overall winner which equated to 4 months). Or else if for some other reason such as disliking the loser or wanting to intimidate the others for future sexfights, they could use a strap-on and BDSM equipment on the loser for a time dictated by a spin of the dice. I have to admit, as an accountant, I hate unpredictability so all sides of the dice had 3 hours.
Of course, I am no fool and kept my previous scheme operating as well. The new scheme was very successful. I found that it gave my sex drive a huge boost and made for more inventive fucking of my staff. I never asked them for their opinion.
I could bore you with all the details of the First round, the Second round and the Semifinals but will concentrate on the Grand Final and some background information. The final was between the 22-year-old Thuy, straight from University and a replacement for Vang who had, for her, unfortunately, been at the bottom of the last June spreadsheet. The other Grand Finalist was Ly, a 42-year-old who had worked for me for 9 years straight, never having been last on the spreadsheet.
As the two faced each other they started the sexfight, I imagined Thuy on her first day at work staring at the email on her computer screen. I am sure her heart raced and she wondered what it meant as she read the words, "Welcome to Down Under Financials. I am thrilled to have you join our team. Please note, starting next Friday at noon, we will be holding our weekly team-building exercise in the conference room." Team-building exercise? That sounded innocuous enough, but the way the other employees had been eyeing her that day suggested something far more.
She learnt more during the next 2 weeks especially that her first round sexfight was against Lan, a 27-year-old with a well-deserved reputation for leaving both male and female clients weak at the knees, was going to be the first contest.
I had watched her in her first Friday Frenzy contest with great interest to see what this newcomer, Thuy, brought to my firm. Would she last the distance or just fold over and be replaced at the EOFY. I watched both strip and saw Thuy's pulse quicken as she took in Lan's confident attitude, knowing Lan had gone through all this many times.
Thuy was Australian-born, while Lan had been sponsored here from Vietnam by her older brother. The Vietnamese-born Lan was petite, attractive and ferocious in her pursuit of beauty in that Vietnamese way: tattooed eyebrows and outlined lips and of course a nose and eye job. I know I was paying her a lot and I am sure the big-name make-up and boutique clothes shops were grateful for that as she made sure she looked great.
Being Australian born Thuy was larger bodied than Lan and perhaps, because she had been exposed to social media since she was in the womb, she had a sluttier idea of what good taste in clothes was. She was probably an influencer on some social app in her spare time. She was in the half of Vietnamese females who, driven and supported by their parents with after-hours tutoring became Doctors, Lawyers, etc. The other half wanted to be hairdressers and beauticians. All however wanted, no make that demanded, a rich boyfriend.
A bit like the Chinese dating show, "If You Are the One", where about 40 spoilt princesses are matched up with 3 males. In 2010 one male talked about how happy he would be cycling in a park with her on his bike behind him and the female contestant he was trying to impress replied with "I would rather cry in a BMW than smile on a bicycle.
As an aside, I had a profitable side business cheaply paying university students to tutor Maths, Physics and English to high Vietnamese parents willing to pay high prices to get that extra mark in Year 12.