"Samuel, I'm sorry but I'm just not interested, besides, I'm with someone else," Esther Voltaire said to me, after I confessed my feelings to her. Esther, the queen of the Haitian Adventist church of Ottawa, and the gal I've worshipped since High School. One bright Saturday morning I decided to tell her how I feel, and as you can see, the results were less than spectacular. Me and my awesome sense of timing, I swear.
"Um, sorry," was all I managed to squeak out before Esther walked away. Later, as I sat at my usual spot in church, I noticed that quite a few of the young ladies at church were looking at me funny. It's weird, I've grown up at this predominantly Haitian church, which I've attended with my parents, Romain and Geraldine Joseph ever since we moved to Ottawa from the town of Leogane, Republic of Haiti, where I was born.
This church is a place that always felt like a second home, a welcome refuge to the passive-aggressive racist bullshit that I have to put up with as a young Black man in the City of Ottawa. I was baptized in this church and when I think of the people I've met there, I feel nothing but love for them. Sure, churches have their dramas but name one place that doesn't? At the end of the day, my church folks are like family. Well, not today.
"Brother, are you alright?" This whisper came from my buddy Franklin Dupont, a tall, mahogany-hued brother with a smooth bald head in a dapper gray suit. Franklin is my best buddy and we've always been tight. When I applied for the Deacon position at our church, and didn't get it because Pastor Robitaille doesn't like me all that much, and gave the position to his nephew Etienne, Franklin was the only one who even tried to console me.
"Nah, man, I guess you were right, I told Esther and, um, yeah, it went the way you said," I said quietly, and Franklin shook his head, then gently laid his hand on my shoulder. I looked at Franklin and forced a brave smile, then I focused on the ceremony. Today, Pastor Robitaille, a chubby, chocolate-hued and thickly bearded brother in his late fifties, clad in a tacky blue suit, really thundered from the pulpit. Pastor talked about fornication and how it leads to the gates of Hell, usual Adventist fanfare if you ask me.
I took a look around the church, which was filled with my people, the sons and daughters of the Haitian diaspora in Canada. I should feel at home here. The church service is conducted in French and Haitian Creole, two languages I am quite fluent in. I know most of these people. I know their stories, their struggles and their little dramas. I should feel at home here. So why did I feel trapped all of a sudden? I tried not to look at Esther, but failed miserably.
Esther, the tall, caramel-hued Haitian diva whom I once called "Ma Deesse Africaine" sat next to Santino Marcello, a tall, well-dressed dude whom pretty much everyone calls the prince of the church. Santino is originally from the Dominican Republic, where he was born to a Haitian immigrant mother and a Latino father. I don't consider him to be a true Haitian but the way I figure it, the church is open to all. We really don't discriminate. I just wish Santino didn't treat it like his own personal playground.
The dude is tall, handsome and mixed, and all the ladies at our church go crazy for his supposedly exotic looks. I don't have anything against Team Light Skin, hell, Steph Curry is my favorite NBA player, but Santino really thinks he's all that. Which irks me big-time. Clad in a Brooks Brothers suit that would cost me a month's salary, Santino is holding hands with Esther, who smiles as she leans on his shoulder.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't guessed it by now, I hate this fucker more than I can say. I apologize for the language, but this guy just bugs me. Santino rests his hand on Esther's thigh, a move which is totally inappropriate for this churchly setting, and it makes my blood boil. All of a sudden I feel hot, even though, outside, the Ontario winter rages on. I need some air, seriously.
"Got to go, dude, duty calls," I whisper to Franklin after I check my cellphone as if I just got some dire news. Franklin looks at me with concern, but I won't be deterred. I exit our pew, and people look at me funny. I go downstairs and walk into the men's washroom, which is blessedly empty. Even in the basement, I can hear the ladies of the church choir singing. I look in the mirror and notice that my eyes are a bit misty. I wash my face, and it doesn't help. Shaking my head, I grab my coat and exit the church.
The church is located just a few blocks from the busiest shopping center in Ottawa, the Rideau Mall. I decide to head there, just to chill. As I walk past a local beer store, some commotion attracts my attention. There's always a bunch of homeless people hanging out in front of the beer stores. I sometimes give them money, which I think of as my Christian duty. Today, one of these guys, a tall middle-aged white dude with a beard, is uttering racial epithets at a most unlikely person.
"You think you're too good to give us some spare change? You come to my country and put on airs? Go back to China, bitch!" The tall homeless dude saying these sterling words is quite large, and as I draw closer, I finally see who he's hollering at. A short, slender young Asian woman in a black leather jacket and bright green dress. This surprises me for many reasons. Let me explain my reasoning, ladies and gentlemen.
As a black man in the City of Ottawa, I pretty much consider myself to be on the receiving end of one hundred percent of the racism that this town has to dish out. As far as I'm concerned, every racial group that isn't black hates black people and is madly in love with Caucasians. To see a white man going off on an Asian person is a shocker, since I'm used to seeing white guys and Chinese guys telling racial jokes...together.
"I'm Japanese, you idiot," the young Asian woman replies, and her feistiness does nothing to quell the middle-aged white dude's anger. Seriously, the tall homeless dude steps closer to her, and I see his face getting red like a Trump supporter confronting those Black Lives Matter activists in the U.S. The dude moves his arms about in an erratic way, and I swear he's about to swing. Instinctively I react. I'm a pretty laid back kind of guy, maybe even a little too nice at times, but I won't stand by and let another man hit a lady in my presence.
"Back off, bozo," I say as loudly as I can, as I step between Mr. Angry Homeless White Dude and the young Asian lady. The old guy looks me up and down, and sneers. Grimacing, he spits on the ground, dangerously close to my foot, and then he glares at me murderously. There's a lot of racists out there, and they all have a special hatred for the black man. This much I know for sure. What in hell have I gotten myself into?