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Monique sat on her couch with tears in her eyes. The clock on the wall said it was after midnight. By now, she had to assume that Alex was not coming over.
In her kitchen, she had a half-cooked spaghetti meal on the stove. Alex was supposed to bring the meat for the sauce. That was the final ingredient. The two of them were supposed to eat together, laugh and talk while they enjoyed each other's company, and then go to her room and make love. After that, they were supposed to fall asleep in each other's arms.
Apparently, THAT wasn't going to happen.
I just had to fuck with Trey!
I couldn't just let him go and enjoy my life.
I had to be a sadistic bitch about it.
I should've known that I can't beat him.
He always wins in the end.
Just when she was at her lowest, her buzzer in the kitchen went off, letting her know that someone needed to be let in. Her head snapped up at it as she gasped in surprise.
Rushing over to the box, she pressed the button to talk. "Hello? Alex, is that you?" she asked, not able to keep the desperation from her voice.
"Yeah." he said flatly.
She buzzed him in and unlocked her door. Then, she rushed into the bathroom to fix her face.
Her heart was in her throat. She didn't know what to expect from him. He just witnessed her having sex with another man. Yeah, she wasn't with Alex at the time, so she wasn't cheating on him. But still, the same feelings would be present. She knew she would feel all kinds of hurt if she had to watch him with another woman. Just the thought of him dating Cameron sent her into a mood. If she had to WATCH him doing things with her...
Damn. Her baby had to be hurting.
She heard her front door close. She came out of the bathroom and made her way to the living room just as Alex was shuffle-footing his way towards her couch. He flopped down on it, like all his energy was sapped from his body.
Cautiously, she took the seat next to him. The eerie quiet surrounding them was filled to the brim with unspoken words, feelings that needed a voice, and a scream that went unheard.
She reached for his hand. To her surprise and relief, he didn't pull away. He even squeezed hers in return.
She felt she needed to begin, so she started to talk. "Lexxy..."
"Don't apologize." He abruptly cut her off. "You have nothing to apologize for. You didn't cheat on me. You didn't lie to me. You didn't make porn. You were simply a woman being adventurous with your significant other. Don't you dare feel ashamed of that."
The relief at hearing him say that was enormous. It made her let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. The weight that had been dropped on her shoulders over the last few hours had been lifted.
He didn't hate her. He didn't think she was a slut. He understood.
That had to be hard for him. To be so understanding and logical, despite seeing the woman he loved in the throes of passion with another man. But he saw through that. That's something she herself would've been incapable of doing. Had the situations been reversed, and she was forced to watch him in the throes of passion with Cameron, she'd have murdered them both. Fuck logical explanations.
But he was Lexxy. He was so much better than her, and anyone she'd ever dated. He thought SHE was perfect, but he had no idea the pedestal he was set on.
She hugged him, and almost cried when his arms wrapped around her.
It was then that a dark realization started to creep in. She saw herself, secretly texting the guy who brought all this about. She saw the gleeful look on her face as she typed. It was then that she faced a reflection; one that was ugly.
She felt like...a cheater. No, she wasn't unfaithful to Alex. She'd never do that to him. But she had, in fact, gone behind his back with another man and got some sort of emotional fulfillment with him. Her ex, in fact. Yes, it was fueled by hatred, but she still fed on that to the detriment of her relationship.
And, in doing so, she exposed Alex to all this. Even if there was no sexual infidelity, she was still guilty. She didn't deserve his understanding, maybe not even his love.
"Lexxy, bae..."
"What's up?"
After gulping down the lump in her throat, she said, "I have to tell you something..."
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The two argued well into the wee hours of the morning. It was bad. It was brutal.
Alex was pacing a trench into the floor in front of her couch, almost like he was patrolling a station he was guarding. She sat on said couch, Indian style with her legs locked at the ankles. As he paced, his hand anxiously ran through his hair. Like a charging bull, his breath was pushed out of his nose in loud puffs.
She watched him with wary eyes. She wasn't really worried about him getting violent. Her Lexxy wasn't the type to start a domestic violence situation. But she'd never seen him this angry; this hurt.
"Lexxy...I'm so sorry. You have to believe me."
He chuckled humorlessly. "Do I?"
"Yes." She said, casting her eyes downwards. "You are the LAST person in this world I'd ever wanna hurt. If I'd known how much this would blow up, I would've never..."
"Really?" he said, cutting her off while narrowing his eyes cynically. "How could you NOT know? I mean...this is Trey we're talking about."
"I know." she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know."
She couldn't look at that pain in his eyes. It was so visceral, so raw. Her assessment of her betrayal feeling like infidelity was right on because she recognized that look. It was one she saw in the mirror for an entire year when she was cheated on.
Alex's feelings were red hot right now. He was trying to keep them contained, but he couldn't. Even her remorseful demeanor wasn't helping.
He stopped in front of her. Looking down at her, he asked, "What were you doing even texting him?"
His question hit her. Hard. It was the same question she'd asked herself a million times. She called Toni earlier tonight, and her best friend asked the exact same thing. And now...
"I don't know." she answered.
"You don't know?"
Finally snapping her eyes back up to look at him, she said, "No. I don't."
He sighed before finally taking a seat on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch they always shared; the one she was now occupying and silently begging him to join her on. He sat on the loveseat, leaning forward with his elbows perched on his knees. His hands were together, interlocked at the fingers. His thumbs were nervously twirling around each other, as if in a dancing orbit.
The ensuing silence threatened to consume them. It was worse than him angrily pacing.
"Lexxy...I..."
But her words trailed off into more silence. She had nothing more than that. The only thing at the tip of her tongue was another apology.
