My Chemical Romance

"Nine Inch Nails, Disturbed. . ." I frowned at the next CD in my hand. There was so much dust on it that I had to blow it off. Okay. Now I could see it. "Can, Slipknot, Cradle Of Filth, Beck--"

Thadius snapped his fingers. "Gimme the Beck CD. But if it's anything before "Sea Change," leave that shit on the shelf."

I handed him Beck's latest CD, "Modern Guilt." Thadius then walked over to my stereo and slipped the CD in. He skipped all the way to "Gamma Ray."

Sophomore year at the University of Illinois. Decent grades. Cool new friends. Tons of girls. I mean, TONS.

Thadius kicked back on my bed and smiled. "I love your side of the room. Your dorm mate is a fucking pig." Thadius noted, looking at the food stains on my dorm mate's comforter and the Styrofoam box of leftover Chinese food with its chopsticks hanging out. "Surprised you don't have roaches."

I unbuttoned by flannel shirt, exposing just a white tank. When I heard knocks on the door, Thadius's eyes darted to it. I asked, "Who is it?"

A feminine voice on the other end replied, "Caitlin, silly!"

Shit.

Thadius laughed behind his hand. "Should I go? Am I cockblocking by just being here?" Thadius grabbed the stereo remote and paused it.

I shook my head. Caitlin was one of the girls I'd been fucking who didn't understand what the term 'friends with benefits' meant. I didn't love her. But she could deep throat like no other chick I'd ever had before.

I manned up and opened the door. She stood there, this tiny ass skirt and pumps that screamed "fuck me now," and I rolled my eyes. "Caitlin, I said I wasn't having any company over at my dorm tonight." I closed the door behind me, knowing Thadius was about to get up and listen.

Caitlin scoffed. She folded her arms. "Adam, don't be such a prude. You know what I came here for," She purred, hands running up my biceps. I shook her away.

"Look, I don't mean to be an asshole, but Caitlin, I don't want you right now."

She looked confused. Did I really have to be a dick to her? Guess I did.

"Caitlin! Come on! I use you for sex and only sex!" My eyes were bugged out. If she didn't get it now, she was just stupid.

Looking mad, Caitlin shot back with, "You're a fucking douche!"

"Well, shit, when you come on to me at the frat party asking me if I thought you were hot, did you really think this would be serious relationship, Caitlin?"

She got mad and pushed me into my door. I knew Thadius was listening because he fell back on the other side.

"Fuck you!" She spat, and then walked off, in that tiny skirt that barely covered her ass.

Whatever. I walked back into my room. Thadius was nursing his bruised head.

"Man. That slut is pretty strong." Thadius hopped back onto my bed and resumed the CD. I waved her off, closing and locking the door.

"So how's Northern? Anybody else get shot up there?" I joked, watching as Thadius flipped me off. I went back to organizing my CD's. Saosin, Thrice, Danzig. . .

Thadius sucked his teeth. "Nobody got shot. But surprisingly, a lot of Ammington chicks are at NIU. Your ex's buddy Stacy is up there. Guess she couldn't go to Brown like she hoped, huh?"

He was referring to Aleesha Crest, the last Ammington girl I dated before Jayda.

I placed an Joy Division CD in front of a Jawbreaker one and stopped. Turning around, I saw Thadius rifling through my top nightstand drawer.

"Dude, leave my shit alone!" Thadius was always into somebody's business.

When I got to him, he held up a picture of me and Jayda. I stopped being mad and instantly grew a bit sad.

"When was this?" He asked.

I snatched the picture from him. "From when we went to Six Flags the summer before freshman year." I studied the picture. She had on her cute shirt with a denim miniskirt and black leggings and Chucks. I remember joking that she looked like a white girl, and she looked in the mirror and laughed.

"We had so much fun that day," I sat down and continued staring at the picture. Damn it, she was so beautiful.

"We rode the Giant Drop about seven times. Then we had funnel cake and almost threw it up when we rode the Raging Bull." I laughed to myself picturing Jayda holding her stomach, and then leaning over to retch in the grass, but pulling back, realizing it was a false alarm. When I stared off into space, Thadius snatched pic from me.

"Dude," Thadius tossed it back into my drawer and closed it. "Look, it's been some time. You gotta let her go. Jayda was awesome, I know, but there will be more awesome chicks. You're going around screwing every girl and being a complete douche just because your ex lives in the South now? That's not right."

He had a point. "I can't just find some girl to be with. I mean, even when I'm fucking other girls, I think of her. I try to re-create that night we had sex. The smells, the setting, the snow, everything."

Thadius frowned. "The smells?"

I looked at him. "Her perfume, you perv."

Thadius raised his hands. "You said it, not me."

I'd had enough of this conversation. I needed to continue rearranging my CD's. Nirvana, Sunny Day Real Estate, Green Day. . .

"Look, deny it all you want, but you know I'm right. Let her go. You might find someone more awesome than she is." Thadius's eyes drifted off to a vintage Beatles poster, but then wandered back over to me, rearranging CD's. He'd skipped over at least five Beck songs when "Gamma Ray" cut off.

"This CD sucks. I think the Scientology is fucking with his ability to make good music."

I had to laugh at that one. As I sifted through my CD's, I came across Maroon 5. Maroon 5. I got Jayda hooked on them. That's when I began thinking of them again.

So out of complete boredom and loneliness, I'd gotten heavily into playing my guitar. I'd do covers around U of I, and some girls even gave me cash. A lot of them said I looked like Adam Lazzara, but sounded a bit like Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. Some girls even said I sounded like Adam Lazzara. Geez, whatever connection I had with that guy from Taking Back Sunday, I'll never get it. I don't even think I look like him.

I'd actually taken part in a music festival up there. Besides a bunch of other musical acts, there was me. I would play my acoustic guitar and do my little rendition of Beck's "Pay No Mind." Completely mellow and just my style.

"Please welcome Adam Warren, everybody!" Applause. Then I came out and I got more applause. I wonder why. I looked pretty simple in an AC/DC t-shirt, jeans, and Vans.

"Thank you, everybody!" I yelled. Thadius was there, and so was Caitlin, who'd rolled her eyes at me at least five times before I even began.

"I'll be doing Beck's "Pay No Mind." Applause. I don't even think half of them knew the song.

So I started out, and I got to the chorus. "That's fine, pay no mind," I sang. Some of the guys knew it, but none of the girls did. They just nodded to the vibe. The room was dimly lit, but there was one little spotlight on me. Tons of girls were whispering things in each others' ears about me, and a few had taken out their phones and started filming. Thadius, being the idiot that he is, started dancing to it like it was a Flo Rida song. I had to keep from laughing and fucking up the song.

I continued, looking out into the crowd every so often. When I did, I saw two unfamiliar looking faces. I hadn't seen them around school before.

I kept singing, even though I was trying to see who it was.

My heart started pounding super fast.

From what I could see, it was a super hot black chick who looked like Jayda. She had a guy with her, probably her boyfriend, but I couldn't tell.

When she moved closer, I was in shock. It was her! Jayda was here!

I finished the song, and people applauded. "Thank you!" I grabbed the guitar and practically ran off the stage.

She had a huge smile on her face. So did I.

"Jayda!" I practically ran into her and gave her the biggest hug ever. She laughed and said, "Adam! Boy, it's been so long! How are you?"

I set my guitar down and hunched my shoulders. "Good. Doing my music. Doing a bunch."

Thadius's hand smacked me upside my head. Did he know about this?

"Hey, Thadius." Jayda reached over for that tall black guy next to her. Uh oh. She had a man.

"Adam, Thadius, this is my boyfriend Julian. Julian, this is my ex, Adam, and his friend." I smiled, even though I didn't want to. Julian looked like Jamie Foxx. Suddenly, even though I thought he was funny, I began to hate Jamie Foxx.

"How y'all doing? " Julian nodded his head up.

"How did you guys know I was here?"

Jayda pointed to Thadius. "I wanted to surprise you. He said you'd be performing. I love that song."

I lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah. I loves me some Beck. He weird, but he's pretty good."

Julian looked around. I could tell he didn't want me to be here. Especially when her ex was around.

After we'd been through the bullshit talk, we eventually all met up at the U of I cafeteria. I had to probe Jayda. Ask her what was going on with her life at Grambling in Louisiana.

Julian had said that he wanted to see U of I because one of his cousins, who lived in Illinois, wanted to go there. Even though Thadius didn't even go here, he obliged to take him on a tour of the building, just so me and Jayda could talk. What a good friend.

"So uh, how's Grambling? How does it feel to know that you live in a place where it never snows?" I hoped I didn't bring up anything awkward with the snow reference.

She kind of blushed as she fiddled with her chopsticks. "Grambling is raw. I knew going to an HCBU would be the best thing for me. And I met so many cool folks. Julian is a good man, too. He helped me find my way through the school, helped me with my math homework and all that shit." Jayda worked some chow mein noodles into her mouth and I nodded. She then asked, "What about you? How's U of I?"

I shook my head, dropping one of my chicken nuggets to my tray. "It's okay. I mean," I hunched my shoulders. "Pretty normal. Pretty freaking normal."

"Girlfriends? Dips? Anything?" She asked, surprising the hell out of me. She looked good, in her cute little gray beret and silver earrings. I'd tell her anything.

Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I shook my head again. "Naw. I'm just. . . fucking around."

We went on to talk about everything. In those thirty minutes, I swear, we reconnected. Jayda had told me how she and Julian met, the new bands she was into, and how long she was staying. Only a week. Just to visit her mom and Emma, her friend back at Ammington.

We shared a weird moment a few seconds before Julian came back. Jayda had said, "Adam, you know I missed you like hell, right? I couldn't even stop crying the first week I was there." Her hand inched over to mine and she squeezed it. "I actually burst out crying because I knew I'd never see snow living in Louisiana. It's just hot. All the time." Another squeeze. My pulse quickened. She was looking dead into my eyes. I broke the hand hold because Thadius and Julian were back. We tried as hard as we could to make it look like we hadn't totally had a moment.

"Ya boy Thadius? Worst guide ever." Julian laughed to himself, looking at Thadius, who was cycling through little slips of paper. Numbers from girls, I already knew. The guy had only been to this school a few times, and each time he visited me, he got numbers!

Julian put hands on Jayda's shoulders. "Ready to go, baby?"

She nodded and stood. "Yeah. Bye, Thadius." She gave him a quick hug. "Bye, Adam." She gave me a longer hug. I could feel her big boobs pressed against me. And then I smelled her. She smelled like cinnamon. I would never wash my shirt again.

Julian and Jayda--that sounded so sickening to me--walked off, hand in hand.

Thadius looked at me with pity. "Sorry, man. But hey, in some strange twist of events, during the course of this one week, she could miss you so much and just dump her boyfriend to be with you." I could sense the sarcasm in his voice. I threw a balled up napkin at him. Asshole.

Even though Jayda was staying at her mom's with Julian, she spent almost all of her time calling me during the hours when I was free. She visited me on campus and saw my dorm room. We saw a movie, and caught up like we were friends again. Everything was like it was normally. I was even getting those same sexual feelings for her. We flirted with each other again like high schoolers. I couldn't help but want to have sex with her again. And again. And again . . .

One night, after a long day of nonstop learning, I just wanted to go to sleep. To my surprise, Jayda was sitting on top of my bed. My roomie still wasn't here, thank God.

"Jayda?" I dropped my backpack to the ground. "How did you know my room number?"

"I ask the lady at the desk. Visiting hours were five minutes ago. Guess you just getting in, huh?" She looked so scrumptious in her pink t-shirt, denim hot shorts, and white flip-flops. Two white earphones were sticking out of her ear. She'd grabbed my CD player and listened to something.

"Nice little surprise." I smiled to myself and sat beside her. "What are you listening to?"

"Nine Inch Nails," she responded, looking at me. "I like them a lot."

I smiled again. "You're listening to my shit, woman?" I poked her and she laughed.

"Yeah. I wanted to hear some of your weird shit. I'm feeling it. Cradle Of Filth, the Misfits, Helmet, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs? I like they asses! I never thought I'd be into rock music like that."

I was so happy to hear that she was expanding her tastes even further.

"I actually bought a Justice. They remind me of Daft Punk. You know that song "D.A.N.C.E.?" Do the d-a-n-c-e, 1,2,3,4,5? That one?"

I laughed, hearing her do the falsetto voice. "Yeah. I love it."

Small silence. I looked away. Then back at her. Hotness. She was pure hotness.

But then I reminded myself that I was wasting my time. Jayda would be going back home in two days. And then the dream would be gone.

"Jay, why are you here?" I asked sullenly, reaching out to touch her face. "You have a guy who cares about you. Why are you in my dorm?"

Jayda closed her eyes and touched my hand. She wanted me to do that.

"The real reason?" She paused and shoved some hair out of my face. I loved it when she did that. "I broke up with Julian yesterday."

I was shocked. "What?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I told him that me and you had too much going on, even after almost two years. So I said I was breaking up with him because I'd rather do that than hurt his heart by cheating with you."

Wow.

Jayda ran her hands through my hair again and pulled my face to hers. She kissed my lips. "I missed you, baby. I can't live without you." She kissed me again, and I sat up straight. She yanked the earphones from her ears and got on her knees to kiss me, holding me close to her, her breasts pushing up against my chest. It felt so good. I could feel myself growing hard.

"Wait, wait, wait." I stopped her, even though I know she wanted to go further.

"Look, I understand that you still love me, but how could you up and dump Julian like that? What about Louisiana? What about our relationship? Are we back together? Is this long di--" Jayda cut me off.

"Stop asking so many damn questions." She sat back down. "Look, I know it's real confusing and kinda messed up, but I feel too strongly for you to let this go. True love can survive anything. Even distance. I mean, what, the Mason-Dixon line gonna keep us from loving each other, boo?" She touched my chest, and I realized she had a point. "Been working out?" A devious smile inched onto her face.

I nodded. "Yeah." I squeezed her love handles. "Been eating?"

"You know I gotta stay thick for you, Adam." Jayda smiled. She watched as I felt her up, from her waist to her hips, and back to her breasts.

"Just like the snowstorm," She said, closing her eyes.

"I love you, Jay."

"I love you too, Adam."

We had the most passionate kiss in the world. I bit her bottom lip, sucked on it, and then kissed her like she was dying tomorrow. Then I slid my tongue in her mouth and let my hand caress her booty. She moaned when she felt my dick stiffen against her thigh.

"Just from kissing me, Adam?" She asked, looking at my hard-on.

"Hell yeah!" I said, laying her down. I unbuttoned her shorts and took off her panties, kissing every inch of her thighs. Her graceful, thick, beautiful thighs. Then, I slid my tongue into her opening, searching for her fattened clit.

"Ooh, just like that." Jayda watch me work my tongue around and around. I sucked on her clit and flickered my tongue at it like it was popsicle. I looked at her while I did so, and she practically vibrated on the bed, grabbing the headboard, and squeezing the covers.

I fucked her hole with my tongue. In and out, in and out, like a smaller dick. I liked her labial folds, then worked it into the top opening of her pussy. I let the hot saliva from my tongue fall onto her clit and continued sucking it. It felt like she was pissing into my mouth, but I knew that she was just squirting. All of that built up passion? It got to her.

Jayda moaned for so long, I thought I was hurting her, but I knew I wasn't. I wanted to take this as slow as I possibly could.

When I finished making her come for what I thought was the fifth time, I rubbed Jayda's thighs, then her pussy, covered in tiny little curly hairs, and then I rubbed her breasts until I see her nipples poke through her pink shirt. I loved to suck on them. I made her come just by doing that and that alone a few times.

Jayda watched as I slid her shirt off, and then took off her bra. She looked at me as she lay down, and I saw her hand reaching for my dick. She rubbed my crotch and I said, "You are still the finest woman I've ever seen in my life." We started our tongue play. I flickered my tongue against hers, and she continued rubbing my crotch until I got excited and a little pre-cum had seeped onto my pants. When Jayda started touching herself as we kissed, and then started squeezing her tits, I knew it was time for me to hop back into action.

"Oh, your nipples look so hard." I started playing with one of them and Jayda licked her lips. "They are. Suck 'em."

I did as she said. "Ooh, I love the way that feels..." Jayda watched my tongue envelop her thick black nipples. I sucked on them, and then she guided my hand to her pussy.

"You love that, don't you?" I sucked harder and she let out a ginormous moan that prompted me to shush her. I did it again, trying to see if she could control herself.

"Adam, you asshole!" She blurted out, watching me drive her crazy. If she got too loud, she could possibly be kicked out of my room.

I moved onto her other breast, delicately running my tongue over her nipple. She shivered. I saw goosebumps sprout from underneath her skin. I fingered her and watched as her hips grinded onto my fingers while I covered her nipple in my saliva. I just kept sucking and licking until she absolutely lost her mind.

"Damn, boy." She ran her fingers through my hair and brought her face to mine. From the looks of my crotch, it looked a little like I'd peed my self. A little.

We made out some more, and then she took off my shirt. She ran her long tongue up and down my torso, tracing around my abs, and making me shiver.

"Oh, I wanted you for so long." I whispered to myself, my hands rubbing and down Jayda's naked back.

"Me, too. Me, too, baby." She unzipped my jeans and practically snatched my cock from my boxers. Then she jerked it off, watching my expressions the whole time. It was bliss.

When she took off my boxers, my dick was so hard. I, again, felt like it was going to just explode. She continued jerking it off, and then some of my cum spurted into the air, some of it landing on her arms on the bed.