Chapter 2: Giving In
I thought a lot about what had happened over the next few days. I had told my best friend Abbey about agreeing to the date with Lincoln, and she wanted to know how the night went, naturally. Abbey was on the cross-country team with me, and we had been close since seventh grade. I told her of course, but not everything. I told her we boned and that it was fucking amazing, but I held back on some of the details about how aggressive Lincoln was, the way he talked to me, and how much I had liked those particular aspects of it. I usually told Abbey absolutely everything, but I really didn't know how to explain that part of it in a way she'd understand, and I didn't want to give her the wrong idea. She wanted to hear every detail of course, and was super jealous when I told her about how nice Lincoln's place was and how great the sex was. Typical friend stuff basically. Mostly though, I was thinking about it all in my own head.
I didn't feel bad or guilty or used, that was for sure. That night had revealed a side of myself that I guess I had known was there on some level, but that I'd never expressed. I'd never felt bad about my sexuality, and my parents had always made sure my siblings and I understood our bodies, how they worked, and that sex was a natural, normal thing. The fact that my mom was a PA probably had a lot to do with that, and also the fact that neither of them were religious or anything. I knew I had liked and wanted everything that happened, and if I was being honest with myself, Lincoln probably could have been even rougher and I would have been fine with it. So ok, cool. Did I want it to happen again? Yes, absolutely. I'd masturbated like four times in the last two days thinking about it. So whateverβI decided not to worry about it, and just go with it for now. This was just going to be my senior fling anyway, so I was going to enjoy myself. I mean, for all I knew, Lincoln might not even text me again. I got the answer to that last question pretty quickly, that Tuesday night in fact. I was over at Abbey's working on college application essays with her when I got a text from him.
LINCOLN: Hey girl. You can come out Thursday?
I had to admit I was excited to hear from him. Not in a catching feelings kind of way, just that I'd had a great time Saturday, and I wanted to have sex with him again, for sure. And I wanted to explore this new side of myself even though I wasn't totally sure how I felt about it.
ME: Hi! Yes I should be able to!
LINCOLN: Good. Gonna be coming from LA will get you an Uber for 7 cool?
I didn't do anything for a second, thinking he would text again, with like what he wanted us to do or something, but he didn't. He hadn't even said an Uber to where. I was assuming his place? What the hell? I had to say something though.
ME: Yes perfect!
I really wasn't sure how to handle this conversation. I was kind of glad Abbey was downstairs getting us snacks, because it would have been even more awkward with her asking me what he was saying. He was being so, just, to the point. I mean, he was six years or so older than me, and had a job that kept him busy and made him travel around sometimes, so it wasn't like I expected him to be all flirty texting me, but still. I was just kind of standing there, staring at my phone, wondering if he was even going to respond to my last textβat least give me a thumbs-up emoji or something my dude, do you not understand how texting works? Then I get this:
LINCOLN: Wear a dress.
Really? He was telling me how to dress now? Did he mean we were going somewhere that had a dress code or something? Why just "wear a dress" no explanation? I wasn't even offended, just kind of blown away. Also, I was too busy trying to process how my body was reacting to get mad. I probably don't need to spell that out for you. What was happening to me? The proper response to that text was probably "WTF?" or at least "Why?" That was not where my brain was going, though.
LINCOLN:??
So he expected me to answer. I was still just staring at my phone, at a loss.
ME: Ok
I really didn't know what else to text. I waited and...nothing. It was like he was taking it for granted that he could tell me what to do, and I'd just do it? Or maybe he just really didn't like texting or something? It's probably for the best Abbey chose that moment to pop back in with our snacks. I put my phone down, and she asked me what was up.
"Lincoln wants to hang out again Thursday."
"Oh my god, are you gonna do it?" She asked, peeling an orange.
"Yeah why not?" I replied, trying to sound casual. She smirked at me.
"Are you gonna fuck him again?"