The feedback emails have been my everything. This is the new update. I hope it's everything you've wanted.
*****
I sat on the floor of Sven's closet, tucked into the farthest corner. My tears wet my knees as I tucked my face further into them. It was too much, it was all too much. I was nauseated and exhausted constantly. Morning sickness wasn't really a thing with Morgan but this one was awful. I hated everyone and everything and all I wanted to do was run.
My family was the same one I'd left. Of fucking course they were. What had it been? Two years? What had I honestly expected to change? Can you miss and love someone but realize they were bad for you? Could you love someone from afar?
I needed them though. There were days I could barely walk. I couldn't play with my daughter like I used to. At night I looked to Sven, too weak for sex. He held me close but even still I felt a distance growing between us. My family was tearing at the sides of it, turning it into a chasm. Sometimes I looked into his eyes and wondered if he saw me as myself or one of them.
Just when I thought that everything was as awful as it could get, the doll parts started showing up. They were little legs, arms, and torsos from black Barbie Dolls. They came from different locations, like a damn network of assholes. How in the hell could two little bitches pull this off?
My tears mixed with the lotion on my skin making a sickly slick feel against my cheeks. I retched. With a shove, I threw open the closet doors and scrambled up, nearly falling over the figure sitting in front of them. I made an apologetic moan as I ran into the bathroom and vomited in Sven's toilet.
As I clung to the porcelain, I heard the door close and lock behind me. I whimpered and retched before another spew in the bowl. His large hot hand rubbed my back in slow circles as I coughed. I should have recognized him when I almost kneed his face.
"Were you listening to me cry?" The sound of my voice had a tinny tone as it bounced off the ceramic.
He sighed and kissed my back in a soft line up my spine through the moist shirt, wet with my sweat. "I will always find where you hide Cordelia."
I moaned and whimpered, wiping my mouth as I turned to him. His hair was in uneven braids and I knew my niece had got to him. I smiled softly and sighed. "Do you still love me?"
He looked incredulous and shook his head, breaking my heart before I heard him speak. "You are crazy, how could I ever stop loving you?"
My body slumped in relief but I just shook my head. "Why? Look at what I've done to you!" I sat back on my heels as I let the tears start streaming. "I have a girl stalking you, my crazy family is here, Morgan isn't even a toddler and there's another baby on the way, and look at me! I'm like the walking dead."
He started to laugh, hard. It was the first time I'd seen him laugh in so long, full on guffawing in his adorable goofiness. I began to giggle, softly at first and then growing. Sven eased his way behind me and pulled me into his lap.
"You have made me so happy; even now I am overjoyed just to hold you." He leaned in to kiss me but I put my hand up.
"Ew, vomit mouth, ew."
He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Bedårande"
"What?" I melted into his chest and played with the buttons of his shirt.
"I guess the closest translation would be... adorable." He buried his face in my hair and I shuddered.
"You're so sweet to me... I love you so much." I had a brief bout of hiccups and he loosened his hold in case I needed to rush back to the toilet. I did.
As I hurled there was a steady rapping at the door. Sven rubbed my back as he called out. "Yes?"
"Sven, Morgan is fussin' again." My sister was on the other side. Our daughter had taken to only being soothed by her father recently.
"I am on my way." He stroked my hair but I pushed at his hip.
"Go." I groaned and put my forehead against my upper arm as I draped my upper body over the bowl. "I'll be fine, just go."
He kissed my neck, causing me to shiver a little. I wiggled out of his lap so he could stand and leave. My skin chilled in the emptiness he left behind.
I grumbled and released before lying down on the cool tile floor when I had nothing more to give. My hands slid down the front of my body and I let my fingers temple over my lower stomach. I took a slow breath.
"Alright kid, listen up..."
I don't know why I paused. Was I actually expecting a response from our unborn child? What would I have done if I'd heard one? Besides the point...
"I should probably apologize for bringing you into chaos. You didn't ask to be here, so I can't be upset if you're making me feel like I'm in a tilt-a-whirl. HOWEVER... can you lay up just a bit? I mean... I'm not asking for much... OK?"
Of course I was left with silence. It was just me and Cletus the Fetus in there. I took a deep breath and eased my way to standing. It was time to go back downstairs. I brushed my teeth and headed down.
I saw Sven first. He was lying on the floor with Morgan cooing and wiggling on his chest. One of his legs was bent and up so that my nephew could use it as a bridge for the new toy truck he got for Christmas. The smaller braids of his hair were getting braided into bigger plaits by my niece. Once again he'd been saddled with the children while the adults did god knows what. Yes, it was adorable and he loved kids but it was too much. I marched into the kitchen to see my grandmother cooking.
"Nana, where's Rita?"
"Shopping with your mother and Joanna..." She didn't even look up as she continued to cut the dark collard greens and put them in the sink to wash.
"Where's her husband?" I crossed my arms.
"Out with your father and your bother..." She sighed. "You should go ahead and get to your point."
I gritted my teeth and drop to a level where only she could hear me. "It ain't my husband's job to be no damn nanny."
She didn't even flinch. "Who you gon' tell but me? They in your house, they the ones 'taking care of you in your time of need'..."
"But got you cookin..." I slumped into a seat at the table and put my head in my hands with a groan.
"As I said, who you gon' tell but me?" I felt for my grandmother. She'd known a life of work and yet even after she'd married into wealth, she still worked for family. "You really comin' home?"
