Patrick Ch 15

The days after the rescue:

By late evening the day after the rescue, Kevyn was beside herself. She didn't know what to do or say to help Patrick. They still hadn't talked about the past and they needed to if only because it so profoundly affected the present and she could see how it could and would affect the future and now there was whatever it was that Patrick was going through to deal with.

She knew that Patrick was holding himself personally responsible for what happened because the vampire had been the mate of one of his victims. For several hours, she had been frightened because Patrick had seemed almost suicidal. It wasn't anything that he said but more the way that he acted. He was trying to push her away. When she tried to touch him, he moved away from her, when she tried to talk to him, he walked away.

The only thing that got his attention was when he heard her crying. She still hadn't completely grieved over her mother and within hours of returning to California there was another emotional upheaval.

"Kev?"

"You, Patrick Sinclaire are a jerk!" she yelled at him not caring if the entire household heard her.

"Kev, you don't....."

"Don't you dare say that I don't understand!" she hissed. "You're right! I don't understand but you won't talk to me. And what about the mates are supposed to rely on each other spiel that you gave me not more than a few days ago? Do you remember telling me that or is this a one sided thing where I'm supposed to spill my guts to you but you get to keep things to yourself? Are you planning to kill yourself?"

"What!?" Patrick asked shocked.

"You won't let me touch you, you won't talk to me so what in the hell am I supposed to think?" she spat at him.

"Oh god... Kevyn, no I'm not going to kill myself." Patrick replied understanding how she could have gotten the idea. "I just didn't want your sympathy and to be honest, I didn't think that you would want to be around me after what happened. I'm sorry that I scared you."

"Scared me? Patrick I was beyond scared! I was going to call someone from your family because I didn't know what to do! Look, I don't profess to understand anything of what happened here and that includes that thing with Louise but I do understand this, I love you and as you've told me on more than one occasion, I've got you. I'm not leaving."

Patrick could only look at her, she had just addressed one of his biggest fears and she was right, he had to talk to her and not shut her out. He thought that the hard part was over, it wasn't. Telling her his complete family history was going to be the hardest part but she was here and she wasn't leaving.

"Is it alright to touch you now?" she asked as she wrapped hr arms around his waist.

Patrick didn't reply but wrapped his arms around her and cried. He didn't deserve her any more than Martin deserved Rachel or Ethan deserved Katrina.

"Talk to me." Kevyn urged as she rubbed his back, "I promise I won't leave." she repeated.

Patrick tightened his hold on her and then released her, "Let's sit outside in the gazebo." He said taking her hand. He didn't want to taint the tranquility of their home by talking about the past there. For once, the house felt like more than a house. It had become a home the minute Kevyn and Louise walked through the door.

"Wait, what about Louise? Is she alright?" he asked concerned.

"She's confused about a few things but she's alright. Nathan has been talking with her throughout the day and evening." Kevyn replied.

"Let's go check on her before we go out to talk." Patrick insisted, "I need to see that she's alright."

*********

Louise jumped at the light tap on the door. She had been just as worried about Patrick as Kevyn had been and her assurances that it would be all right had helped only a little. Her heart hurt for him when she felt his pain and despair and wondered what the cause of it was. Even at her worst, her mother hadn't hurt as Patrick was. But it wasn't just Patrick, all of the men of his family carried some collective burden but it was more so with the brothers. Nathan carried a little of the burden to but of all of them Patrick was suffering the most. Even the women seemed to carry some hurt and she wanted to know what it was but would never ask. The one thing that she did notice was that even with the collective feeling of pain there was love.

"Come in!" she called.

Patrick and Kevyn went into the room and Louise let out a mental sigh of relief. While he was still hurting, the feeling of despair wasn't as intense.

"I am so sorry about all of this... are you alright?" Patrick asked as he walked over to Louise and hugged her.

"I'm fine but are you?" she asked returning the hug.

"I'm going to be alright thanks to your sister and Lou? I really am sorry that your first night was so traumatic and thank you for your help." Patrick replied.

"You're welcome and its like you told me, we're family and family helps each other right?" she asked.

Later when Kevyn and Patrick left the room, she would have time to think and realized that she really did belong with them.

***********

Kevyn and Patrick sat in the gazebo for several minutes before Patrick spoke.

"She's special." he said meaning Louise.

"She always has been." Kevyn replied, "no one really paid enough attention to her to realize just how special she is."

"If my guess is right, I think that changed last night." Patrick replied. He was stalling and he knew that Kevyn knew it. "Kev, before I start telling you everything, will you try to remember something as I tell it?"

"What?"

"Try to remember that I am no longer that man who raped and hurt women and that I love you."

"If I thought for one second that you were that man would I be here? Would I have brought my sister here?" she asked as she took his hands in hers. "I know that this is hard for you and I won't lie, it's going to be hard for me too but if we're going to be together and have babies... you have to tell me and I have to listen. I want you to remember something too, I love you."

Patrick took a deep breath and started at the beginning, by three am he wasn't even halfway though. He kept looking over at Kevyn expecting to see revulsion and fear on her face whispering a silent prayer of thanks when he didn't.

By five, he had just begun to tell her about his first rape and now that he had started, he wanted to finish it.

"I need to finish this but not in the house, we have a gate house in the back, can we go there?" he asked.

Kevyn was almost overwhelmed as she listened to the story of Patrick's family but she like him wanted it done so that they could move on. However, she needed a break even if he didn't.

"That's fine but I need a break and a little time to process what you've told me so far, can we do that?"

"Of course we can." Patrick replied. "The gate house has a fully stocked kitchen and I would love to make you breakfast."

"You cook?" Kevyn asked realizing that there was a lot that they didn't know about each other.

"I sure do although I haven't in a long time." Patrick said looking at her intently.

"What's wrong?" Kevyn asked.

"Nothing, I'm just amazed that you're still here." he said kissing her.

He would always consider what happened to Veronica his fault and wasn't anything that anyone could say or do that would convince him that it wasn't, not even Kevyn but he added it to the list of things that he would always regret and feel remorse for. He would never tell Kevyn that, he didn't think that she would understand but what he didn't know was that she did. She was already beginning to figure out the mindset of the Sinclaire men, him in particular and was beginning to wonder if he had a 2x4 around somewhere.

She watched as he moved around the small kitchen and knew that the storm wasn't over no matter what he said. He was trying to appease her. For the moment, she let it pass but it they were going to talk about it before the day was over. She wondered how the rest of the family was doing especially Veronica. She could see that of the twins, Veronica was more like Patrick in that she would try to suffer through her ordeal alone but Vanessa had the same sensitivity as she did.

An hour later, breakfast was over but what alarmed Kevyn was that Patrick ate nowhere the amount of food that she was used to seeing him eat.

"You didn't eat much." she commented.

"I'm not very hungry.... Are you ready for me to finish this?"

It was early evening by the time he had finished telling her everything.

"That's all of it." he said softly.

Kevyn shook her head, "no one helped you?" she asked.

"You're asking the same questions that Katrina did." Patrick asked, "And it's only because of her that laws have been added to protect our children. We also have the equivalent to the human child protective services, again that is because of Katrina. She may be quiet but she's got drive."

"What happens to the children after they leave the homes?" Kevyn asked.

"Sometimes they are returned to their families but they are carefully monitored. As soon as there is a sign of trouble, someone goes to visit the family and if the problem continues, the child is taken from the home and there are no second chances. Martin, Rachel and Nathan have set up an adoption agency if sorts and some of the children are adopted."

"The parents don't fight this?"

"Sometimes... I want you to understand that children aren't just yanked out of their homes. Sometimes the problem is lack of education on the part of the family and that education is provided at no cost to them if they can't afford it. If there is a financial need, then that need is met as well. Contrary to popular belief, not all of us are rich and some of us have the same issues as humans."

"Patrick, why didn't Ethan stop when he figured out what he was doing was wrong?"

Patrick hesitated before answering, "That's something that you'll have to ask him and if you do, he won't lie to you or try to make it out to be more or less than it is."

"Why didn't you stop?"

"We were all under the impression that it was alright, that it was genetic and that once we found our mates that it would end. I truly didn't realize that it was wrong until Ethan came forward after he raped Katrina and almost lost her and the girls. I went for help and up until Melissa Hunter; I hadn't touched another woman consensually or otherwise since the last rape."

There was silence as Kevyn tried to understand the family that she had become a part of, They made her own family seem reasonable.

"How do we get past this?" she asked.

"We keep talking and you keep asking me the hard questions." Patrick replied.

"Patrick, I know what you're doing." Kevyn said.

"What do you mean?" Patrick asked.

"You're not alright and you know it. You're trying to appease me by pretending otherwise and I don't appreciate it."

"Kevyn, that's not true."

"Isn't it?" Kevyn shot back, "I guess we'll see won't we?"

Without saying another word, she stood up and left the gatehouse leaving Patrick sitting alone.

***********

Patrick cleaned up the kitchen before heading back to the house. As much as he wanted to find Kevyn and try to convince her that he was all right, he didn't because she needed time and he wasn't sure that she was completely wrong. He conceded that to some extent that he was trying to protect her from the ugly part of him but a martyr? He didn't think so.

He looked at the phone. He hadn't talked to Veronica or anyone else since the rescue. It wasn't that he didn't want to but it would be a reminder of what he had done. It didn't occur to him that the mate of the vampire could have been the victim of any of them Jesse included... in his mind, what happened was completely his fault.

"Ronnie I am so sorry." he whispered as he sunk back into despair and not making the call.

***********

Kevyn sat in the library at a loss as to what she should do. This whole thing was totally out of her realm of experience and nothing in her life had prepared her for anything like it. She thought about calling Katrina but didn't know if she should. She was new to this world. Did people talk about the problems in their relationships? She wondered.

She sighed and rested her head against the back of the chair. Dealing with her siblings had seemed easy compared to this. She was almost sure that Patrick wasn't suicidal and if he had been, it had passed... for now. It was that thought that made her realize that she needed to find him and stay close.

She found him sitting in the gazebo with his head in his hands.

"Patrick?"

He looked up at her, his eyes filled with misery telling her all that she needed to know. He needed more than she could give him.

"Hi." he said offering her a weak smile.

"I'm sorry that I left you like that... this is all new to me but maybe you should talk to someone from your family."

"Sweetheart, I'm fine or I will be, I promise." Patrick assured her as he hugged her.

Kevyn wasn't convinced but didn't say anything. She snuggled closer to him and hoped for the best.

They sat out in the gazebo until Patrick's stomach started to rumble.

"How about I take you and Louise out to dinner?" He asked kissing her.

"Ok but have you spoken with your family today?"

"No, but I will later." Patrick replied a little too quickly.

"You could call before we...."

"Later." Patrick said interrupting her, "I'm hungry. Where do you think Louise would like to go?"

*************

As it turned out, Louise was already making dinner when they went into the house.

"I hope that it's alright, I've always wanted to cook in a kitchen like this." she said sheepishly.

"Lou," Patrick said using her pet name, "this is your home so there's no need to be nervous about making use of anything here. What are you cooking by the way? It smells great."

"It's really nothing special, just baked chicken with herbs, potatoes and peas." Louise replied.

Kevyn laughed when she saw Louise's expression when Patrick heaped a third helping of food on his plate.

"Yes, he really eats like that." Kevyn said.

Dinner passed quietly but Kevyn kept a watchful eye on Patrick. He showed no signs of the despair that she saw earlier and she breathed a little easier, maybe he was going to be all right.

"Patrick?" Louise called softly.

"Yes?"

"Do you play scrabble or any other word games?" she asked shyly. "I usually play against the computer but that gets boring but if you don't that's ok..."

"Lou, its fine and I would love to play." Patrick replied and then looked at Kevyn. "I suppose you like word games too?" he asked.

"Guilty." Kevyn replied with a smile as she relaxed even more, he really was going to be alright.

The evening was spent playing scrabble and boggle with Louise being the first one to retire to her rooms.

"Why didn't she go to college?" Patrick asked and then remembered the financial circumstances that they came from. "If she wants to go, she should... it'll be taken care of."

"Lou's big dream is to go to cooking school and to open up her own place." Kevyn said, "But the money was never there. I was going to give her the money that I was saving for my condominium so that she could pay for school. I even started collecting brochures so that she could choose a school once she moved out here."

"You're a good big sister." Patrick said.

"Not really." Kevyn replied, "I shouldn't have left her back there to take care of mom. I should have found a way to stay or to bring her with me."

"You did the best that you could under the circumstances and I don't sense that Louise is angry with you. I think that she understood more than anyone gave her credit for... Kev, do you know what an empath is?"

"An empath is someone who can feel what others are feeling." she replied.

"That's part of it." Patrick said. "Empathy can come in a variety of strengths ranging from being what people would call being compassionate to actually being able to experience what the other person is feeling and being able to comfort that person with just a touch or a word."

"Are you saying that Lou is an empath?" Kevyn asked.

"That's exactly what I'm saying and sometimes when they are as strong as Lou is, they need to be cared for emotionally."

"And?"

"I know that you don't know much about our world but Lou has a mate."

"You mean Nathan?" Kevyn asked.

"Yes and you cannot talk to her about this, it's for them to work out without interference. It will be up to him when he decides to tell her about us and that includes telling her what we are but it my hunch is right, she already knows that we're different."

"Could she tell what you were feeling?" Kevyn asked.

Patrick hesitated; he had been deliberately blocking himself not only from Louise but from Kevyn too. She was an empath as well but to a much lesser degree.

"Yes because she's been through enough without me adding to it." he replied.

"Are you still hiding from me too?" Kevyn asked.

"I'm trying not to." Patrick replied.

Kevyn wasn't convinced.

**************

Kevyn laid on the bed with her eyes closed as Patrick had requested.

"Are your eyes still closed?" he asked as he settled on the bed next to her.

"Yes, can I open them now?" she asked.

"In a minute." Patrick replied as he made a lazy circle around one nipple and then the other smiling as he watched them rise into dark hardened peaks. He bent down, took one of the nipples into his mouth, and began to suck on it as a hand rested on her mound.

Kevyn's eyes flew open and then closed again in pleasure as Patrick sucked on her left nipple and slid a finger between the lips of her pussy and began a to move it up and down. He released the nipple from his mouth, took the neglected right one in, and sucked on it a little harder than he had the other.

"That feels good." Kevyn breathed. She was getting more comfortable with talking during making love and with making her needs known. It was something that she was never into but Lonnie was and he was what she considered vulgar about it but with Patrick, it didn't feel that way.

She trusted him and it hurt to know that he didn't trust her enough to talk to her.

"Kev?" Patrick asked, "Baby are you alright?"

"I'm fine." she assured him.

He resumed the light and then hard sucking on her nipple as he tapped lightly on her clit until it was throbbing. Instinctively, Kevyn opened her legs even wider in invitation for him to do whatever he wanted. Her moans of frustration when he stopped sucking on her nipple was replaced with a moan of surprise and pleasure when Patrick took her swollen and throbbing clit into his mouth and sucked on it taking long hard pulls while he flicked his tongue across it.

Kevyn cried out and began to pull on her nipples pushing herself closer to the orgasm that was so close to happening and then it was upon her. She screamed and frantically bucked her hips urging Patrick not to stop. When he did, it was to slide into her and to begin a desperate pounding in and out of her.

Kevyn held him as he pounded into her, the feeling that he wasn't all right came back stronger than ever. All she could do now was love him.

Patrick came with a moan that was part physical release and emotional pain. He clung to Kevyn, his chest heaving and his heart pounding as he whispered to her how much he loved her. He knew that he was making her nervous but he didn't know how to stop.

For the first time since finding her, he regretted it. He felt Kevyn tense beneath him and then push at him.

"Get off of me!" she said crying.

"Baby? Did I hurt you?" Patrick asked immediately moving off her.

"You regret finding me?" she asked jumping out of bed the moment he moved from off top of her.