Chapter 12: Mogumbo and Fun With Alicia
***Friday, August 16, 2304 (still)***
To shake off the fear and kill time I walked out to pick up the morning paper. The headline was more or less the usual, 36,000 Savages Killed in Mongolia. It was the 22nd year of the war and we all knew our guys were super close to a final victory. Maybe now the Mongolese would see reason and surrender. When they finally do, now that's going to be a celebration.
I flipped the paper over and saw an even more interesting headline, and I thought Uh-oh.
Pharaoh Phinalists Phear Phor Phriendship
Judith P. Mogumbo β North Porter Free Black Register β Friday, August 16, 2304
Watching white girls bicker has always been one of my guilty pleasures. A white girl will stomp and stutter and shake her little white ass and turn all red and point her bony white finger and froth and burn and whine until some nice black man comes along and puts her on her back. Or her knees. It's often the only way to shut her up.
Witness the recent comments of two of our Pharaoh phinalists. Elizabeth Partridge and Alicia Rochefort. By now you know the girls. Hell, if you don't then you really need to crawl out from under that rock.
The 'official story' is that the two have been bosom (especially in Elizabeth's case, ahem) buddies since they were pimply teens worried about their first periods in middle school. Butter wouldn't melt in either pretty mouth.
Well, butter, get ready for a slick ride, because this reporter now has the inside scoop on what these two underfed sluts really think about each other. Sources close to the girls on their NYC trip, sources who remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the information, have finally revealed all. And it ain't pretty.
Here are just some of the highlights:
Elizabeth to an assistant producer of Black Pharaoh: "Yeah...she can be nice...when she wants...But you don't wanna be on her bad side, which in her case is the right side, take a look at her eyebrows you'll see what I mean."
Alicia to a friend in the hotel gym: "Oh, I do love Liz. Just...you know...can be annoying sometimes. Yeah, we get it, the tits. Oh my God, get over yourself girlfriend!"
Elizabeth to the producer: "And she's like...supposed to be this great cocksucker. Well, maybe she is. I don't know. But whose word do we have for it? Some dead guy named Eric? What about her husband? You'd think he might have something to say. Nope. Never heard a word from him about it, and he and my husband are pretty close."
Elizabeth to a hotel maid: "And she shows up with that horrible diamond tongue ring? Pathetic. All us girls were laughing so hard behind her back. I think the cunt is really losing it."
Elizabeth to the fitting girl while trying on a stunning pussy-pink bikini from Paul Griitzlove's new Tiger Cunt fashion line (now available in all fine slutwear shops): "Did you hear she blew Eddie C. back stage the day before? I don't know if I believe Eddie C. would get Wexner to change the points just for one blowjob, but a lot of the girls do think that. So I don't know. I just feel soooo bad for Roberta."
Alicia overheard while dining: "I really think Elsie is the main competition. What did Elizabeth beat me by? Ten points? Which is nothing out of 400. Not to mention Pharaoh won't be staring at her tits when he decides. No, it's much more Elsie I'm concerned about. She seems like a nice girl."
Alicia at the same dinner: "...and send her back to that retarded husband of hers..."
See my point? Bosom buddies indeed.
Let me clarify a few things:
This reporter has confirmed that the reference to 'Eric' concerns one Eric B. Trefoillier, a war hero killed in battle in Mongolia shortly after going on the exemption here at home. His girlfriend at the time? An 18 year old named Alicia Natasha Podomatskiavich, now Rochefort. I will soon be reporting details of the exemption based on exclusive interviews with one of Eric's closest friends.
As to the unconfirmed rumors of Alicia blowing Eddie C., we ask that you keep in mind that they are just that: unconfirmed. Efforts to reach Eddie C. for comment have so far gone unanswered.
Sources close to Bernard Q. Partridge, Elizabeth's husband, insist that he is not, in fact, retarded.
And finally, as to those remarkable tits. Alicia can play the dumb bitch. But numbers don't lie. A recent poll of North Porter Free Black Register readers found that 73% of them rated Elizabeth's tits the best of all 30 girls in the White Girl Pride Day competition. The corresponding number for Alicia? A lowly 9%.
When this reporter reached out to the girls for comment they were reluctant to speak. I urged them each, for the sake of sisterhood, to reach out to the other. Want to know what they said? I leave you, dear readers, with two final quotes from this ugly catfight:
Alicia: "I love Liz. I really do. But what she said about me and Eddie C. is just ridiculous. I'm just not sure how our relationship ever goes back to what it was. It's very sad."
Elizabeth: "The comment about my husband is soooo over the line. Maybe she can reach out and apologize to me someday. I won't hold my breath though."
Looks like someone took a blowtorch to that butter!
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Our brother-in-law Frank had warned us that the Pharaoh producers and the press would try to stir up controversy between the girls. But when it hit me out of the blue that morning I had to check my nose almost nonstop. The day was completely ruined. I couldn't even concentrate on what I might do for Alicia to celebrate. And I couldn't stop checking my phone to see if Stony would reply. Which she did not.
About 4 p.m. I was vacuuming when a text rang in. Uh-oh again. It was from Bernie Partridge and I was afraid to open it for a good 10 minutes. Finally I broke down: "Jeff that wife of yours is a real cunt. But payback is a butch phrend." Leave it to Bernie to misspell bitch and phriend.
Which, you know, he and I really had been pretty good friends. Why'd Alicia have to say that thing about him being retarded? I know most people consider him slow, but retarded really is a stretch.
I went to bed at 9 thinking I would never sleep. Then was out like a light 10 minutes later, exhausted I suppose from all my worries.