***Thursday, August 29, 2304***
I didn't sleep well at all that night. Tossed and turned and got up for a sip of water, then got up for a pee, and then tossed and turned some more. Each time I dropped off there was this wild dream. I was up on that mountain Stony told me about. Only it's me and Alicia inside. We stand side by side looking out, not touching. Outside is like everyone. Alicia's sister Beth is there with her husband, talking about the baby. Roger is looking through the window to see if Alicia is nude. Lady Florence is trying to climb a sheer face of rock. Dad has one of those old-fashioned ear trumpets and Mom stands in front crying and screaming into it. Stony is there sitting alone. Bri and Moe'Neyah are there too, holding hands and laughing. Scots Willy is running around singing his national song and handing out pictures of Alicia in her bikini. Klara and Dr. Glockenspiel are going from girl to girl selling, getting them to look inside a little box I know contains a clit-ring. Draymond is there writing everything down, like he's doing a book report. Elizabeth is on her knees blowing her husband. She looks up at us and says, "Roxie told me to". Judith Mogumbo is there screaming, "Sluts! They're all sluts!". Then Moe'Neyah is with her boyfriend Henry and the two of them lift this huge boulder and throw it full force at the window Alicia and I stand behind.
That's when I woke up for good. I guess you can see why I didn't get the best sleep. It was very disturbing.
I was up drinking coffee at 4 a.m., couldn't leave for work for at least three more hours. That's when the guilt hit. Big time. What on earth was I doing? What happened to my morals? All the rules I was breaking, and with two different women. Breaking my marriage vows. Encouraging the girls to do even worse things, things I never dreamt of. It all hit me. Hard and deep and fast.
I knew Alicia let Dray fuck her, and yeah he was probably still fucking her, maybe. Knew she sucked off Eric a whole bunch, maybe 43 times. Knew she probably betrayed her girlfriend Briana. In some sense Alicia deserved it. Guess it made me feel better to think that.
Then I thought about it. Alicia probably didn't deserve it, not really. What about me? I let Stony suck my dick before I ever knew the worst about Alicia. I even let her swallow. I guess I was no angel either.
Then you think about everything all together. Everything that had happened. Alicia was on exemption with Eric and learning some valuable skills. Even with Draymond I knew she was learning how to please her betters, which we were taught is a good thing. And this thing about Draymond still fucking her? Did I really know that? Just cause she knew Sweet Tea and Mongoose? That didn't prove anything. Maybe he just fucked her that once, and then lent her a book on fucking, kind of like a thanks for the one fuck. Maybe she knew Sweet and Mongoose just from reading. Or maybe some other upper girl told her about them. Maybe she really was faithful now.
Plus, whatever she had done, I began to see it was all part of Alicia's destiny. She was destined to serve Eric, destined to be with Draymond, destined to become a finalist on Pharaoh, destined to become Pharaoh's girl.
Destiny. A big word.
You think about destiny. It has to excuse a whole lot. Really. Greatness demands some sacrifice. While you make those sacrifices to learn and develop, like Alicia had with Eric and Draymond, well it doesn't look too good right then while you do it. But then one day the greatness comes out, the destiny is fulfilled. We witness God's plan and we realize, Oh I see now.
When that happens who would ever look back and say, "Oh, I was wrong to do those things which I had to do to show the world that greatness is possible and that anyone can achieve it if they just work hard and do everything in their power." Kind of like us lazy people are always trying to bring down people who really accomplish a lot, kind of finding all these little things our betters did wrong. Which is only cause we don't really have to do much to keep society rolling, so we have all this extra time to criticize.
If it really was Alicia's destiny to be with her Pharaoh, then what? She shouldn't have sucked Eric's dick 43 times? Shouldn't have learned Shaft and the other things that might bring him, a war hero, pleasure? Learned so that someday she'd know these things for Pharaoh? Shouldn't have let Dray fuck her? When for all she knew it was the first and only time she'd be able to get fucked by an upper, by a black man? So she'd be ready someday when her Pharaoh fucked her? Could she earn Pharaoh's bed if she never had these wonderful opportunities to learn and grow? Could she be worthy of submission if she refused to learn and work hard?
It's like this book I read as a kid on the ancient game béisbol where these guys stand around doing nothing till some other guy strikes béisbol with a stick. Then the guys who were standing around doing nothing have to run around like crazy trying to find béisbol. Back in the 20th century you were considered a good béisbol if you could strike béisbol one out of four times. Why it was so hard I don't know.
Along comes this guy Todd something, who, even if he's white (I think), strikes béisbol two out of five times, which is a bigger decimal on my calculator. Before then everyone thought Todd was kind of a dick, but afterwards thought like, "Whoa!, Todd can béisbol the best who cares if he's a dick?" And they took his head off and put it in a jar which is still in some museum in Africa I think. Striking béisbol was Todd's destiny.
Todd's head was reanimated in the year 2243 with a new, young athletic body (don't ask). When they found he couldn't strike béisbol even one out of 10 times they put his head back in the jar. I guess his destiny was over. Someday my Alicia's destiny would be over too. But not yet. She still has her destiny. And I'm going to leave her for a couple of sluts?
Which kind of sums up my feelings about Alicia and her destiny.
It made me feel just awful. Alicia's my wife. She's out on the road working her behind off to make life better for us both. All the meetings and interviews and fittings and grooming and practice. The toll it must take! All the stress of knowing you'll have to answer really hard questions from Pharaoh. Like she said, it would be her cunt that made us both famous. What about all those cars I was selling and how easy it was? Cause now I was famous. Cause I was her husband. Cause of her. Cause of her cunt. Well, her mouth and tits and ass too but you get my drift.
See what I mean? It's like Alicia's mouth and pussy were béisbol and béisbol was Todd's cunt. Sort of.
We all value a wife or girlfriend's submission because it's the natural role of a girl or woman. You know what? That's what Alicia was doing. Submitting to her destiny, to her own greatness. Letting me play a role in her greatness. And all I do is bitch about it and feel sorry for myself and go out and fuck girls I'm not even married to. Which made me what? A selfish prick, that's what. Damn, it hurt to admit that.
By then I was in a real state and I was thinking no wonder Moe'Neyah and Henry threw that rock. They were aiming for me. Maybe to hurt me. But maybe just to wake me up. Which it, the rock, even thought it was just a dream rock, certainly did.
Because of tremendous guilt I decided I needed to straighten out and go back to my morals. Which meant that I had to break it off with Stony, and with Bri too. I knew it would be hard on the girls at first. They couldn't help being attracted to me, and they couldn't help following my lead. They weren't really bad people. I would let them down as gently as possible, be really cool about the whole thing and take the blame for all of us even though Stony wanted blow me and Bri wanted us both to fuck her. I was the man after all. They might be upset for a while, but it would be best for them in the long run if I led them back to being decent people.
Especially Stony. I knew I was the one responsible for Stony acting like such a slut. I owed it to her to turn her back into a good girl. And that way someday she could confess to her husband the way I had confessed about the college slut to Alicia and Dad. And then if she was lucky like I was, well then she could have a good marriage to some guy who would love her.
That gave me pause. Love her. Whatever.
I had to repent. And I had to do it today. No delays. No excuses.
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***Thursday, August 29, 2304 (still)***
But it's a weird thing. By the time I get to work I'm backsliding, thinking how pretty and how nice Stony is, thinking how hot she is, how sexy, remembering how that dress hugged her bottom that day we walked in the park. And I start thinking this mess isn't really all her fault. Not all of it. Thinking about Briana that way too.
I start thinking, maybe don't do it right away and I can keep fucking Stony and Bri till Pharaoh-Wednesday, which isn't too long. And then I think, yeah I do believe Alicia will win (fingers crossed!), and then Pharaoh will take her away to some exotic place, and then I'll keep fucking both girls and still have them doing lesbian stuff too. Which still isn't too long. Only a month. And then I think if Pharaoh likes her and she behaves well and is obedient and pleasing, he'll probably extend her to six months and I can break it off with the girls sometime in that period, maybe after three or four, possibly even five, of those months, and then I'll be completely ready to be a good husband when Pharaoh gives Alicia back to me.
It cheered me up a lot even though I was still very tired from not having slept.