A Love Story: Billy Clyde and Mildred

This is another one of my light hearted looks at life in small town Texas. As you read this story, imagine most of the characters speaking with a country accent, and some may not be the sharpest pencil in the desk drawer. They mean well, and good usually wins out.

*****

I was sitting on the couch watching midget wrasslin when Mildred walked in from the bedroom. She had been in there for awhile getting ready to go to a meeting at church. For the past several months Mildred had been going to one of those charismatic churches. She was constantly going to various meetings several nights a week.

My name is Billy Clyde Parker. Mildred and I have been married for nine years now. We have been together ever since we were Freshman in high school. We got married right after we graduated. Mildred works as a secretary for an insurance agency, and I work for my dad's plumbing company. Someday I will own the company.

Mildred and I do all right for a young couple that never went to college. Last year we moved into our new double wide, and I just recently bought a 32 inch flat screen TV. We don't have kids yet, but we have been trying for over a year now.

Mildred finally drug me down to the doctors office a few months ago to see if there was anything wrong with me. It was embarrassing having to jack off in that cup. They did have some good inspirational videos though. One I hadn't seen before.

Anyway, the doctor said we were ok, and there was no reason we couldn't have kids, just keep trying. So we are still trying, although lately Mildred has not been very interested in me. All she wants to talk about lately is her church and Reverend Jim.

Reverend Jim is the pastor of this church Mildred started going to. He is very popular, and everyone seems to love Reverend Jim. I would say he is about 39 or 40 years old, and Mildred thinks he is very good looking. She is always talking about Reverend Jim. His church has quite a following, and is even shown on regional TV. It's not for me, but Mildred sure likes to go there.

So here I am sitting in front of my new 32 inch TV, and Mildred walks in wanting to talk.

"Billy Clyde, honey I need to talk to you about something."

"Mildred can't you see I'm in the middle of my favorite TV show here? You know better than to interrupt my midget wrasslin. The women's main event is about to come on. Can't this wait until you get back from your meeting. By the way you sure are dressed awful sexy for a church meeting."

"Billy Clyde there is something serious I have to tell you, so you will just have to turn off that TV for a little bit."

I was pissed, but I did get up and turn off the TV.

"What is so important Mildred that you have to interrupt midget wrasslin?"

"Billy Clyde, I'm gonna have to leave you. I'm sorry, but I have someone else."

"What the fuck are talking about Mildred. Have you been nipping on that cooking cherry again?"

"I have a confession to make Bill Clyde. All those church meetings I said I was going to, well I have been meeting, but only with Reverend Jim. For the past couple of months he and I have been having sex. I really feel the Holy Spirit when I'm with him, plus he has a really big dick."

"I thought you loved me Mildred. We've been together for a long time?"

"I do love you Billy Clyde. I love you so much, which is why this is so hard for me."

"Why Mildred, please tell me why you want to leave me?"

"Now don't take this wrong, but I found out your pretty boring in bed, plus your not that well endowed. Reverend Jim has a pretty big dick. He says the Lord blessed him with a big dick just so he could please me.

"Mildred you have always enjoyed having sex with me. All those moans, screams, and sounds you made? You sure sounded like you were enjoying it?"

"I guess I was faking Billy Clyde. I know now what real pleasure feels like. Reverend Jim really knows how to please me. He also loves these big titties of mine. Just the other night he was playing telephone with my titties. He had one in his mouth, and one in his ear. I'm telling you Billy Clyde it was so funny. You should have seen it."

"Sounds like a fucking riot Mildred. Sorry I wasn't there to laugh with you."

"Oh, I'm sorry Billy Clyde. I didn't mean it like that."

"I can't believe your doing this Mildred?"

"There is something else Billy Clyde. Reverend Jim told me this the first time he got me in bed. I wasn't going to do it, but he told me the Lord had spoke to him. The Lord told him that we were supposed to be together. Who am I to argue with the Lord Billy Clyde. Fucking Reverend Jim is a heavenly thing Billy Clyde."

"So, what are you going to do Mildred?"

"I've packed a few of my things. I will be back tomorrow for the rest while your at work. I am moving in with Reverend Jim. He said something else Billy Clyde. He said the reason I'm not getting pregnant is because your dick is too short. It can't get your little sperms back there to my eggs. He said his longer dick will have no problem getting his sperms to my eggs. I want to have kids Billy Clyde."

"I'm sorry I'm so inadequate for you Mildred. I guess I can't compete with Reverend Jim. Just go before I start to cry. You've pretty much destroyed my confidence as a husband, and a man. I don't even feel like watching midget wrasslin now."

Mildred was crying when she left. I know she felt bad for hurting me. I went to the pantry and pulled out my bottle of Jack Daniels. This situation called for more than a beer. I got my 44 magnum, then sat out in the back yard drinking whiskey and shooting at my targets. Shooting my 44 usually helps lift my spirits. I was pretending my target was Reverend Jim.

The next day I got a call from Mildred at work.

"Hey Billy Clyde. How are ya doin?"

"Not so good Mildred. I'm still hurting from what you did to me last night, but I guess I will survive."

"I'm so sorry Billy Clyde. By the way, did your pick up start this morning? Reverend Jim and I both prayed that your pick up would start this morning."

"Well you didn't pray hard enough, because that son of a bitch wouldn't start. I had to get Bubba to give me a ride to work."

"I'm sorry Billy Clyde. By the way, how is Bubba? I haven't seen him lately. Did he get over his bout with hemorrhoids?"

"Bubba is fine Mildred. No more hemorrhoids as far as I know."

"Well you tell Bubba I said hello."

"All right Mildred. I have to get back to work. I'm here at old lady Markam's house. Her toilet overflowed all over the floor, and I'm ankle deep in it."

"Sure thing Billy Clyde. I just wanted to check on you. I will talk to you later."

"I do have one more question Mildred."

"Yes sugar, what is it?"

"How do you think Reverend Jim's congregation is gonna take to the fact that he stole, and is fucking another man's wife?"

"Oh he's gonna talk about that from the pulpit next Sunday. He's gonna tell them how the Lord spoke to him about me, and that I should be with him, not you. Don't worry, he's not gonna say anything about his dick being bigger than yours."

"Well that's a relief Mildred. I just figured they might think that sort of behavior would be pretty sinful of a man of the cloth."

"Well normally it would be, but since it came from God, then it's ok. God has a plan for all of us Billy Clyde, and I guess I was part of Reverend Jim's plan. At least that is what he told me."

I hung up and went back to work.

That afternoon while Bubba was giving me a ride home, I asked him for some advice. I had already told him the whole story about Mildred and Reverend Jim.

"Bubba? You look at the internet all the time. Is there anything out there that could make my dick bigger?"

"I've read some things Billy Clyde. There are some pills available that claim they can give you a bigger dick. There is also this contraption I read about. It's called a dick pump, or actually it's called a penis pump. Either way it's supposed to make it bigger."

"Those pills, do you think they work Bubba?"

I couldn't say for sure. I've never used them, and don't need to. No offense Billy Clyde."

"Where can I get these pills Bubba? Do I need a prescription?"

"I don't think so Billy Clyde. You could probably order them on the internet."

"You ever seen one of them there dick pumps Bubba?"

"Only in pictures. Funny looking thing too. You place it over your dick, then start pumping. I guess it sucks your dick out to make it longer. I don't know if I would trust it. Might just go ahead and suck your dick right off."

We both made a little face, then groaned at that thought.

"Those pills aren't the same as Viagra are they?"

"Oh hell no. Viagra is for old bastards who can't get it up anymore. You probably have no trouble getting it up, it's just that Mildred was disappointed that what you had was all there was."

"Maybe I will order some of them pills. I will look online tonight."

"Maybe you ought to consider something else too Billy Clyde."

"What's that Bubba?"

"I read this story once on the internet about a fella who was having trouble having sex, so he goes to this sexual surrogate. The sexual surrogate cured him so he wasn't afraid to have sex."

"Bubba, I'm not afraid to have sex with Mildred, apparently I'm just not good enough at it for her. I need to try to win her back Bubba. I either need a longer dick, or I have to get better at it."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you Billy Clyde. Maybe we can find one of those sexual surrogates who can teach you how to be better at it."

"You think so a Bubba?"

"It's worth a try Billy Clyde. I think we first have to start with a sexual therapist, who will analyze your situation, then send you to a sexual surrogate."

"These sexual surrogates basically have sex with you, then charge you a fee. Isn't that a prostitute Bubba?"

"No Billy Clyde. Prostitutes are whores. Sexual surrogates are therapist trained to fix your problems. I bet they are probably cheaper than whores per visit, but might be a little expensive in the long run. Can you afford this?"

"Sure Bubba, I will just go sell my string of polo ponies."

"I didn't know you played Polo Billy Clyde?"

"I don't Bubba. Pull your head out. I don't care what it cost, I have to do something to get Mildred back."

"All right Billy Clyde, we just need to find one that can help you. I will do some checking around and see what I can find."

"Thanks Bubba, your a good friend."

Bubba took me to get a new battery for my pick up. I didn't think Reverend Jim and Mildred's prayers held enough clout with the Lord to get my pick up started.

That night Penelope Ann Miller stopped by my trailer. She brought me a casserole for supper. She was worried about me after she heard Mildred had left me. Penelope was divorced, and about four years older than me.

"I am so sorry to hear about you and Mildred, Billy Clyde. I heard she's taken up with Reverend Jim."

"Yea Penelope, she left me last night. Word sure does get around fast."

"You know Billy Clyde, if there is anything I can do for you, and I do mean anything, all you have to do is tell me."

Penelope sat beside me on the couch and put her hand on my thigh. It wasn't very far from my dick. She looked at me with some pretty inviting eyes.

Penelope was a pretty good looking lady. She was slightly overweight, but still quite sexy. Rumors were that she had gotten around after her divorce.

"I am a little stressed over Mildred leaving me Penelope. Do you have any suggestions on how to relieve some of my stress?"

"Actually Billy Clyde I do, but it would involve pulling down the zipper on your pants. Do you mind if I pull down your zipper?"

I kind of swallowed hard and said, "No, Penelope, I don't mind at all."

I will mention that Penelope has this real sexy southern voice when she talks slow. She was using that voice now, and I was getting hornier than a three peckered goat.

"There we go Billy Clyde, the zipper is down. It looks like from your bulge that my little friend there wants to come out and play."

She pulled my dick out, which was probably as hard as it could get, all 5 1/2 inches of it.

"Do you think I'm little Penelope?"

"Oh no Billy Clyde.Your certainly bigger than my ex husband. Do you mind if I do something to help relieve your stress?"

"No Penelope, you do what you think is best."

She took my dick in her mouth and proceeded to give me this awesome blow job. I finally came in her mouth. It was the first time I ever did that except for this whore I paid once to do it while I was in high school. Mildred wouldn't let me come in her mouth. Mildred was ok with sucking my dick as long as I didn't come in her mouth.

"Wow Penelope, that was awesome. You sure did relieve my stress. Can I perhaps do something for you?"

"Oh no Billy Clyde, at least not tonight. I have to get going and pick up my kids. I just dropped by to bring you supper and see if there was anything I could do to help. I would say by the satisfied look on time face, I succeeded."

"Did you ever Penelope. Feel free to stop by again sometime."

"I might just do that Billy Clyde."

The next day Bubba came to work with the name of a sexual therapist over in Dallas. He said this lady came highly recommended, and would find a way to help me.

I was able to get an appointment for Friday afternoon. I had to wait two days, but at least I was making some progress. Bubba and I got drunk that night to celebrate.

I warned Bubba not to tell anyone. I didn't want Mildred to find out. Once I got really good a pleasing a woman, I planned on surprising her. Bubba assured me his lips were sealed.

The next day Mildred called and said, "Billy Clyde? I hear your going to see a sex therapist. Did my leaving you cause you to go all limp dick?"

"No Mildred, I'm just going to see this Doctor about something that don't concern you or anyone else right now."

"All right honey, I just thought maybe me telling you how inadequate you were compared to Reverend Jim had caused you some kind of illness or something."

"No Mildred, I'm fine. It's just a little check up. Don't worry about it, besides, you have the good Reverend to take care of you."

"Boy I'm telling you Billy Clyde, last night I thought he was going to stick it all the way through. That pole of his sure is long. Well, you let me know if I can do anything, I still love you honey."

I sat in Doctor Theresa Stevens waiting room Friday afternoon waiting to see her concerning my situation. Dr Stevens was a PhD with a specialization in sex therapy. I was pretty nervous because I never in my life dreamed I would be doing something like this.

The receptionist ushered me into her office. Dr. Stevens was in her early fifties, and pretty good looking. She was very nice, and made me feel very comfortable. We talked a little bit about things in general before she asked me to tell her why I was here.

I told her the whole story about Mildred, Reverend Jim, and what Mildred perceived to be my sexual inadequacies. After I related my whole story, Dr. Stevens gave me some of her observations, none of which indicated there was anything wrong, or unusual about my sexual abilities.

Finally she said, "Mr. Parker, I need to know just how you think I can help you. In my opinion, you are perfectly normal. It is my professional opinion that penis size does not matter when it comes to sexual pleasure for a woman. In fact, many women prefer the average size penis over the larger ones. Some women even experience a lot of pain from the oversized penis."

"I guess it's a little more than that Doc. My wife also says I'm boring, and that I just don't know how to please her. Bubba was telling me that maybe you could hook me up with one of those sexual surrogates who could teach me how to physically please Mildred so maybe I could win her back."

"I must say Mr. Parker that this is not the typical abnormality that I deal with on a daily basis, but I do understand where you are coming from. I'm afraid that I personally cannot help you much other than to tell you that everyone experiences sexual gratification in different ways."

"Yea Doc, I know there are a lot of weirdos and perverts out there, but I'm not one if those. I just want to know what Mildred wants from me. Obviously she is getting it from Reverend Jim. I just need someone to show me what I can do to impress Mildred, and bring her home. I know she doesn't love Reverend Jim. She loves me. Please help me Doc. I'm desperate."

"I'll tell you what Mr. Parker, I do know of this one sex surrogate who just might take you as a client. She is good, but her background is a little different that the other surrogates I use. I will make you an appointment with her for Monday afternoon."

Dr. Stevens wrote down the information I needed, then had me pay the receptionist on my way out for my office visit. This just had to work.

All weekend I tried to picture what this surrogate looked like. I will tell you that I wouldn't have minded doing it with Dr. Stevens. She was older, but very good looking. She sure smelled good too. I could tell her perfume cost more than Mildred's.

Mildred called me that Saturday wanting to know how my visit with the doctor went. I wasn't about to tell her anything yet, and it was killing her. Mildred was a very curious person, and felt like she had to know everything. I just told her she would find out in due time.

I walked into Mrs. Romano's office Monday afternoon, and was greeted by a very attractive Italian lady about five years older than me. It's a wonder I didn't trip over my tongue because I know it was hanging out. She wanted to be informal, so I was to call her Carina. I told her to call me Billy Clyde, at least I think I got that out after getting my tongue back in.

"Billy Clyde, Dr. Parker gave me a heads up on what you are looking for. This is not what we normally deal with. Most of my clients are usually unable to perform sexually. Many have trouble even getting an erection."

"Well you don't have to worry about me there Carina, I can raise my leg anytime I want to, and usually more than once. I just want you to show me how to please Mildred. I want to make sex exciting for her, and also show her that the size of a man's ... what is that scientific name y'all use?"

"Penis?" She said.

"Yea, Penis. I want to show her that penis size doesn't matter. Please Carina, Bubba told me that sexual surrogates like yourself have been trained to help people get better at sex."

"I'm not a prostitute Billy Clyde, but I used to be at one time. That is why I'm going to help you. I learned a lot about men and their sexual performance while I was a prostitute. Then I went to school, and studied to be a surrogate. It's not the same as a prostitute. We will wind up probably having intercourse, but it will be part of your therapy. I'm pretty sure I can help you. Mildred will be begging you to take her back."

"That's great Carina, should I take my clothes off now?"

She laughed and said, "Oh, no Billy Clyde, probably all we will do today is

talk about everything.

So for the next hour I told her everything about me and Mildred. I had to explicitly describe our typical sexual encounters. We talked a lot about the female anatomy and what women usually like. My next appointment was Wednesday afternoon. The office visits were $200 an hour. We would have as many as she thought it would take. When she felt I was ready, that would be it.

I couldn't wait until Wednesday. I couldn't wait to see her naked, at least I hoped I got to.

The next day Bubba was on me like a tick on a dog.

"Hey Billy Clyde? How was your first session with the surrogate? Did she suck your dick?"

"Come on Bubba. No she didn't suck my dick. All we did was talk, and I tell you I learned a lot just by talking to her."