Tampa, Florida
March 5th, 1963
"Is she a beaut, or what?" Cromwell asked, eagerly, as he showed off the car: a brand-new 1963 Cadillac, shiny black and menacing. "I mean, this is the cream of the Internal Combustion Engine crop!" he said excitedly.
I had to agree. Where we come from, ICE cars are a novelty for rodeos and tractor pulls, dinosaurs of the great days of our industrial past. We get by on electric cell cars. They're efficient as hell, but they have none of the majesty of a V8. And none of the class of a real authentic Caddy.
"Nice," I agreed, stroking the hood. "You pay cash?"
"Payment plan," he said, smugly. "A hundred down, low monthly payments. Starting next month." We'd be long gone by then, of course, but until then we had a classy ride.
"This will do very nicely," I agreed. "Now I'm going up to get changed. We have an appointment with Mrs. Pamela Mueller, and I want to look just right." I gave him a once-over. "You, too. Something sinister, black leather if you can manage it. Gold chains. Try a toothpick in your teeth. And remember every bad gangster flick you've ever seen to get into character."
"We're going Mafia?" he asked, surprised.
"It's Florida," I shrugged. "It's the Sixties. Mafia is stylish right now."
***
We parked in the street in front of the Mueller residence, in an upscale suburb north of town. Nice house. Brick, with lots of palms around it. Affluence oozed from every crevice. I surveyed the place for a moment, went over the game plane with Cromwell until he knew the signals cold, and had him let me out of the car. He followed close behind me, wearing shades and a black leather coat and looking about as menacing as he could manage. Not much to me, perhaps, but to little Mrs. Mueller, he'd be the epitome of every thug she'd ever heard of.
He knocked on the door for me, twirling the toothpick in the side of his mouth.
"Mrs. Mueller?" I asked, flatly, when the woman came to the door. She was as advertised โ slender, brown hair, delicate features, penetrating eyes. She wore a pleasantly casual everyday dress and a puzzled expression.
"Yes?" she asked, the door invitingly open.
"May we come in?" I asked. "It's about your husband . . ."
"Carl?" she asked, alarmed. "Yes, come in! Please!" she said, anxiously, motioning us inside. Stylish furnishings, carpeting, a new Hoover vacuum presiding regally over the interior. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" she asked as she closed the door behind her.
"In a manner of speaking," I agreed, slowly. "You're Mrs. Mueller? Wife of Carl Mueller, CPA?"
"Yes, I am! What's wrong? You're scaring me!"
"Sorry, ma'am," I said, genuinely apologetic. "Didn't mean to cause you any consternation. I am . . . well, call me Mr. White. This is my associate, Mr. Black. We're . . . friends of a client of Carl's. A very unhappy client," I added.
The confused look persisted, but she calmed down a bit.
"Carl isn't in his office today," she confided. "He'sโ"
"Yes, we know he isn't at the office," I interrupted. "And he's . . . well, he's not where you think he is, but that's none of my business. What is my business is my friend, Carl's client. And he's very unhappy."
"I . . . I really don't know much about Carl's business," confessed Mrs. Mueller, looking troubled. "He doesn't mention it, much. Boring, really. But if Carl isn't around, just what do you want with me?"
"Let me be frank, Mrs. Mueller," I said with a sigh. That was Cromwell's signal, and he opened his jacket casually and displayed the .45 automatic in the shoulder holster, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from the missus. "Your husband has caused a great deal of trouble to my friend, and he has sent me to file a complaint. And get satisfaction. Indeed, if he doesn't get his two million dollars back, he's likely to take offense. Permanent offense, Mrs. Mueller," I said, ominously.
"I . . . Oh, my . . . I don't . . . Carl is . . ." she said, wide-eyed, looking back and forth between me and Cromwell, who was playing his role like a seasoned character actor.
"We're simply here to send a message, Mrs. Mueller," I said, reassuringly. "There's no need to do anything . . . hastily . . . if we have your cooperation. My friend is in danger of losing a significant amount of money, thanks to your husband. Until it is repaid as agreed, well . . . he would like some assurance that your husband takes this situation very seriously," I said, reasonably.
"Oh, well, Carl is a brilliant accountant, he has the best professional ethicsโ"
"Two million FUCKING dollars, Mrs. Mueller," I interrupted, rudely and forcefully. "This isn't cooking the books on a goddamned gas station or fruit stand. Two million dollars. I don't care how many fucking 'CPA of the Year' awards your cocksucking husband has on his fucking wall, Mrs. Mueller. All I am concerned with is that money getting to where it's supposed to. I'm sure you can understand how concerned my friend is?"
"Why, yes, of course," she said, even more confused and terrified. "I have no idea whatโ"
"My friend thought it might be a good idea to remind Mr. Mueller about his fiduciary responsibilities," I continued, my voice becoming increasingly full of menace. "It's simple courtesy, after all, especially when Mr. Mueller has had a hard time taking my friend's calls. You can understand how frustrating that might be, especially when there is two million dollars at stake, can't you, Mrs. Mueller?"
"Yes, I can see howโ"
"So, my friend gave me a call and asked me to drop by and deliver a message. A courtesy message," I said, which was Cromwell's second clue. He drew the pistol and chambered a round with a devastatingly loud click.
"Oh, my God," Mrs. Mueller whimpered, her eyes wide with terror. "You're going to kill me, aren't you? And I let you in the house and everything . . . "
"Now, Mrs. Mueller, that would be an . . . extreme reaction to the situation," I said, reasonably. "Murder is not our standard operating procedure, despite what you might see in the movies. It's messy and expensive, and it rarely solves our problems completely. No, we reserve that sort of thing for much more serious situations. And this situation has about two weeks before it becomes that serious."
"Oh, thank GOD!" she said with a relieved sigh.
"That doesn't mean we can't hurt you, though," I continued, in the same reasonable voice. "A couple of kneecaps, maybe, or maybe some internal injuries. Nothing life-threatening, just something painful. A reminder of how serious my friend takes his business dealings."
Her eyes returned to their previous size. "Oh, God, NO!" she wailed.
"Now, now, let's not let the situation get out of hand," I soothed. "There's no need to get fussy, here. I'm sure we can work something out. We're reasonable men, and I was given complete discretion in how I was to deliver the message. That should provide some comfort. Which would you prefer? Not being able to walk for eight to ten weeks while your knees heal, or three or four weeks in the hospital with constant, chronic pain, then a smooth recovery?"
"You can't do that! I'm supposed to be in my niece's wedding in three weeks!" she insisted, panicked.
"You might be regrettably detained in a lengthy convalescence," I said, with great patience. "I'm sorry. Nothing personal. Just doing my job. Now," I said, looking around, "where can we do this where we won't get blood everywhere? No need to make this messier than we have to . . ."
Her eyes were wide with shock as the reality of the situation sank in. I must have been pretty compelling โ I was copying the character from Jenner Brinks' great flick from 2044, Gangworld. Great movie, classic characters. The calm, dispassionate way he proposes hideous violence in front of his victims made him one of the all-time greatest movie villains. Definitely worth copying. Mrs. Mueller certainly appreciated my performance, and Cromwell played along beautifully.
"Oh my GOD, you're SERIOUS!" she shrieked.
"Well, unless you have a better idea how I can send your husband an appropriate message," I said, doubtfully.
"There must be โ I mean, I don't want to โ God, I just wanted โ"
"You could rape her, Boss," Cromwell offered. "Our friend might not object to that."
I considered. "I could," I said, hesitantly, watching her expression. I watched Mrs. Mueller debate with herself the unlikely idea of arguing in favor of me raping her. "It's not as to-the-point as a beating, though. I figured at least a broken nose, couple of cracked ribsโ"
"I . . . that would . . . Okay," she finally said, defeated after struggling with the idea. "Yes, could you do that? Rape me? I'm sure it will send a message to my husband, and I'd still be able to go to the wedding."