I awoke the next morning with a start. There was no window in this small room I regarded with no small venom as my cell, so I could not tell the time of day. The only reference I had was that my internal clock seemed to be telling me to get out of bed.
When I thought about what was on the other side of that door, however, I groaned and turned around to face the wall, drawing the covers over my head.
What had been the point of all those years, I moaned, if I was so quick to submit to him every time he touched me? I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. This was unbearable. I was right back where I'd been five years ago. It was as if nothing had changed. Here I was in the same bed in the same room, wearing the same clothes, slightly sore from being fucked by the same man.
Now that I was back in this god damn house I was going to need to be stronger than ever, I thought. He was going to have to see that I wasn't the same young girl he'd known when I'd been here last. He'd have to treat me like the individual I'd become. I'd have to make him see that.
Light shafted into the room as the door opened but I didn't turn away from the wall.
"Morning Emma," It was him "Breakfast's on the table."
Something smelled wonderful. At some juncture, in addition to securing the house while Jack was gone Marshall had assumed all responsibilities regarding food and had subsequently flourished into quite the accomplished cook. It occurred to me that I had very much missed this.
I didn't move or make any sign I knew he was there.
He sighed, "I know you're awake, Emma. Is this really how you want to start the day?" The threat was evident in his voice and I stiffened.
Every part of me wanted to stay right there in bed and pretend none of this was real. Close my eyes and wake up somewhere else. Across the country, curled up around a book.
I knew he wasn't going to indulge me for much longer and, truthfully, I sensed my defiance was probably coming off more childish than strong so I threw back the covers with an angry flourish and turned around to face him.
His presence in the doorway brought back all the humiliation of the night before and I felt my eyes gleam with challenge as I stared him down.
He ignored me and walked toward the closet, tossing some articles of clothing onto the bed next to me. A skirt and white t-shirt of mine from my college days. I stared at them for a moment as I pondered that aborted future. I'd all but forgotten that girl. The girl with the bright future and Big Plans.
For the last five years my only plans had been Stay Away and now the only overpowering plan that beat against my skull at every waking moment was Get Away. Well, at least you couldn't say I was without aspiration.
He didn't seem to notice my silence and was already heading out the door, "Shower, get dressed and be in the kitchen in thirty minutes."
I grit my teeth. It annoyed me when he gave me orders I would have performed anyway. I had already planned on taking a shower. After all, I had to make sure the evidence of last night's submission was sufficiently scrubbed away.
And then, naturally, I would have gotten dressed. I didn't plan on walking around all day in my t-shirt and underwear. It was aggravating that now I would do these things and he would act like I was obeying him. I pondered spending the day half naked and dirty but I didn't think that would really prove anything to anybody.
Jack was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the paper and Marshall was setting out coffee when I entered, clean and refreshed, attempting to give off an air of regal stature.
Marshall was technically Jack's business partner of a sort. As much as criminals had those. I was not sure how this partnership had formed but it was obvious that at some point it had been decided that Jack would lead and Marshall would follow. I do not think Marshall minded though and I suppose there was the success of their relationship.
I stood at the door for a moment hoping that my domineering stance would elicit more of a reaction but Marshall had turned back to the stove and Jack just looked up briefly over his paper.
His brow furrowed slightly, "that's not what I laid out."
"No," I smiled. I had gone to the closet and decided on a green blouse instead of the shirt he had thrown at me. He was going to learn that I wasn't so easily directed.
He shrugged and looked back at the paper. I bristled that my rebellion had been so easily dismissed and walked toward the kitchen where Marshall handed me some coffee and raised his eyebrows.
When I started to settle myself on the other stool Jack lowered his paper again and looked at me.
"No," he admonished. I was confused. β¨He pointed to the floor at his feet and I saw to my utter horror a cushion had been placed there. My heart stopped. NO. It was too much. I didn't belong there. Hadn't I proven that by my time away? He folded the paper over on his lap and watched me closely. My eyes darted around the room like a cornered animal.
"Do you want a spanking? Right now? In front of Marshall? Don't think I won't, Emma."
I looked toward the living room and the front door wistfully but I knew, even if it hadn't been locked that on the other side of that door was a whole neighborhood full of assholes who would just love the chance to manhandle me a little while they dragged me back here.
I looked back at Jack who was still sitting calmly, expectantly, on the kitchen stool. Marshall shot me a sympathetic look but nodded his encouragement.
I felt the tears threatening to spill but I knew it would be so much worse if he forced me up against the kitchen counter and reddened my behind again before forcing me to my knees.
He followed me with his eyes as I very slowly made my way back over to the counter and lowered myself onto the cushion with a dejected sigh. This was worse than anything he'd made me do so far.
I whimpered as my sore ass came down against my calves and he said, "Sit however's comfortable, Emma." He reached for his coffee and opened his paper again.
I dropped my head and let my hair cover my face as I let a few hot, angry tears slide down my cheeks and onto the hated cushion. No, I thought. I won't let this get to me. He wants me on my knees. Fine. I'll defy him my knees. I'll defy him from any position.
My body reacted at the sudden flashback of just how many positions he could put me in.
I shook my head, brightening at the resurgence of my resolve, I straightened my back and sipped at my coffee. A hand appeared in front of me holding a piece of melon.
"I'm not hungry," I spat out.
The hand went nowhere. I glared up at him but he was still reading the paper as if it were completely normal to be feeding a kneeling girl in his kitchen.
"I hate melon." I tried again but again my tendency to make defiance sound like petulance overrode the scalding affect I had intended.
"Emma," he said warningly and I caught all the meaning in the word. I was skating on terrifyingly thin ice and I knew it.
Fine, it was no new concession. I huffed and leaned in to take the piece of fruit and chew it resentfully as I stared daggers into a point on the counter in front of me.
Marshall came around with a plate of his own and took the other seat at the counter. He sprawled out casually over the stool and glanced down at me.
"What happened there?" He said accusingly at Jack, gesturing to my bruised cheek. It had grown slightly more pronounced in that way that bruises have before they heal.
Jack looked down at me and I drew in a breath at his seething expression. "God damn thugs that grabbed her."
I was suddenly furious. "What's the difference?" I protested. I had always hated when they talked about me as if I wasn't in the room. "You beat me. They beat me. It's all the same!" I stared up at him angrily.
He was unfazed and said evenly, "You know the difference Emma."
"Do I?"
"Yes." He turned back to his breakfast.
I glared at him a little longer. His refusal to acknowledge my small signs of insubordination was starting to annoy me more than anything else. I was reaching the end of my limited patience with this man.