It was unquestionably the weirdest phone call I've ever gotten.
I was in the middle of a workout at the gym when my iPhone lit up and the name on the screen said "Kerri" - as in my ex-girlfriend Kerri whom I had not spoken to in three years.
Usually, I wait until after a workout to return calls, but this time I was curious, so I picked up.
"Uh, hello?" I said, cautiously.
The voice on the other end was panicked, but I recognized it immediately as Kerri - the girl I had dated for four years before breaking it off three years ago.
"Ry? Listen, I need you to come over to my place. It's an emergency. I'm not in any danger, but I need you to come here right now," she said. She sounded out of breath.
"What kind of emergency?" I said, skeptically. I was about 40 minutes away in the suburbs. She had plenty of friends who lived nearby her downtown apartment - not to mention Curt, her new boyfriend. What was so urgent but at the same time could wait 40 minutes?
"Ryan, it's kind of unusual circumstances. I need you," she said, still panting. Shit, it almost sounded as if she was fucking Curt as she spoke to me.
"What about Curt? Geez, are you with him right now?" I countered, really getting annoyed. What the hell kind of emergency would require her ex-boyfriend and no one else?
"Listen, Ryan. I'm alone. Curt is the last one I want here. I know you feel bad about how you ended things, and if you do me this one favor, we'll be even," she said.
She was right. I did feel guilty. She was a nice girl, cute enough at 5-foot-4 with wavy auburn hair, and I had broken up with her solely because I was bored with our sex lives. She was a prude and didn't like having sex except on special occasions. Blowjobs, anal and even doggystyle were out of the question.
Still, she was asking me to drop what I was doing and drive 40 minutes.
"I'm in the middle of a workout, Kerri," I said. "What could possibly be so important that you need me there right now?"
There was a pause, and all I heard was Kerri's intense breathing and something buzzing in the background.
"OK," she started. "Listen, you can't tell anyone this. So ... things have changed a bit since we broke up. I've started experimenting ... sexually."
"Ker, telling me about your sex life with Curt is not the best way to get me to drive 40 minutes to help you," I said.
"No," she said. "Curt and I don't do any more than you and I did. I still just get uncomfortable being sexual with guys, even boyfriends. I don't know why."
She was whimpering now, and I was thoroughly confused.
"OK, I've been doing stuff alone," she said. "Curt is out of town tonight, so I decided to try something really kinky, and ... I'm in trouble."
Not knowing what to say, I just waited for her to continue.
"Look, I'm just going to say it," she said, panting. "I wanted to try bondage, but I'm afraid to do it with Curt. So I bought this set of handcuffs that came with a timer - I found them on the Internet. I put a vibrator in my, you know, on a random setting where it turns on and off, high and low, at random. I cuffed my arms and legs to the posts of the bed, and threw the key across the room. The timer was supposed to keep the cuffs locked for a half hour. But it's been two hours, and I don't know if I did it wrong or if they're defective, but I'm stuck. I was able to reach my phone on the nightstand, but I can't get to the key. Goddamn, Ry, there's no one I can call - I'd be ruined. I'm fucking naked, spread-eagle, with a vibrator in my pussy" - I'd never heard her say that word before - "and it smells like a porno shoot in here. You have to help me."
I didn't say anything. It made sense, though. I was the only one who had seen her naked before, and she didn't care if I judged her. Laughing to myself, I was about to tell her I'd be right there, when she started talking again, apparently mistaking my silence for hesitation.
"Ryan, if you come down here, you can do anything you want to me before you unlock me," she said softly. "Anything. Whatever you've always wanted to do. As long as you get me out of these cuffs before Curt gets home tomorrow morning."
"I'll be right there," I said, and hung up. I sat there for a second, letting the situations ink in. Then I hopped up, grabbed my shit and made a beeline for my car.
***
When I got to Kerri's apartment, I reached under the plant outside her front door and found the key. I paused for a second before putting it in the lock. What if this is a big prank, and she and her friends are inside ready to laugh their asses off at me? I hadn't thought of that at all on the long drive down here - I was too consumed thinking about putting my dick everywhere she had never let me before.
What the hell. It's worth the chance, I thought, and I turned the key.
No laughter. No friends. The TV was on in her living room, but there was no one in there.
I walked quickly to her bedroom, half-expecting it, too, to be empty. This had to be too good to be true, right?
I slowly opened the door, and what I saw made my jaw drop. Even though I had been told what to expect, nothing could have prepared me.
She was exactly as she had said. Spread-eagle, ankles cuffed to the footboard and wrists to the headboard.
Standing there, glued to my spot in the doorway, I looked first at her pussy, with the little,blue, whirring toy still in it. I couldn't see exactly what it was, but it looked similar to a butt plug, which I guess was why she couldn't just squeeze it out. Her dainty little lips were glistening in the light, and the bed was soaked below her.
And she had shaved! She always had a full red bush when I dated her, but now it was a neat little landing strip. I was half impressed, half angry that she had never done that while we were together.
My eyes went next to her tits, which were as perky and well-shaped as ever, about the size of apples. She had the cutest little nipples, eraser points on quarter-sized areolas.
Finally, I looked her in the eyes. She had been staring at me, silently, a look of desire in her eyes. I guess three hours with a vibrator in her pussy had that effect.
"Thanks, Ryan," she said, a genuine look of gratitude on her face. "Listen, we can have sex. I promised you could do anything, and you can, but first can you take this vibrator out, please?"
I laughed and walked toward her. I reached out and, before taking the toy out of her sopping wet pussy, I flicked her little bud, making her jump and moan.
I expected her to call me an asshole or try to kick me, but she didn't. She just looked at me wantonly.
Finally, I grabbed the little buzzing toy and pulled it out, her juices making a sucking noise as it came out.
I held it up to my face. It smelled like honey - just like I remembered from those rare times I used to finger her. I stuck out my tongue and licked the glistening toy up and down, savoring the taste of my ex-girlfriend's juices before putting it down on the bed.
I turned around and saw the key laying in the corner of the room, and laughed. Then I started unbuckling my pants.
"Wait, can I just have a few minutes to rest?" she said. "That thing has been in me for three hours."
