Failed Nurse

Note: From the files of Cleo: #305-2014

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I'm a 29 year-old woman, married for eight years. After years of living with my guilt I've now been in counseling for almost a year, and I hope the healing process is working. I know readers will condemn me for what I am about to write here, but that's okay. Maybe I need that as part of the healing process. I won't try to sugar-coat this or spare myself in any way for my actions. They are despicable and reprehensible in every respect. I am not a great writer so I am having help in writing this. What hurts the most is my having to live every detail all over again. Here goes.

I've always wanted to be a nurse. In high school I worked as a "candy-striper" at a local hospital, and then went to school to become a nurse. It was there after my second year that I met my husband whom I'll call Rick. Rick is a doctor. He mostly travels all over the world for weeks at a time, holding seminars and giving instruction on a new device he's perfected. He is well-known in most of the hospitals so I won't name the city we live - or the device - for that might identify him. Like his dad who worked in construction before a debilitating illness, he makes a lot of money and we live comfortably.

Four years ago my father-in-law, a heavy drinker at the time, suffered a head injury that causes him to lapse into a coma-like condition for days at a time, with no warning. Otherwise, he is normal and relatively healthy. He was a widower and his life-style of drinking and a constant bevy of young women hanging around didn't set well with either Rick or me. The illness was instrumental in him selling his business and retiring, which resulted in him being greatly depressed and made us fearful for his well-being.

At first, he paid an attendant to take care of him while he was suffering from an attack, but he is a difficult patient - read that as "over-sexed" - and after firing a dozen young nurses, it was difficult to find replacements. Rick suggested that his dad, whom I'll call Cal, live with us and that I quit my job at the hospital and take care of him full-time. We have a large house and while I argued at first, over-all, it seemed the best solution.

Cal is a big, rough man with minimal education who is what most folks would call a "self-made" man. He didn't get there by being timid and I've heard stories of his ruthless business dealings for years. My husband Rick is about five-eleven, one hundred eighty pounds. Cal is six-foot-four, two-fifty, so all of us knew taking care of him wouldn't be easy. The three of us sit down and discussed it, Cal promising to be a "lamb" and do exactly what I told him.

Rick took him aside and emphasized that any undue "touching" would be grounds for the agreement to terminate. I finally agreed to try the arrangement for a few months with the option I could stop at any time I wanted to. Cal kept his word and things seemed to be working out.

To those who don't know, coma is a state of unconsciousness where the person is not responsive. The doctors said it was a result of brain trauma due to the injury he suffered, exasperated by excessive alcohol abuse and low sugar. I've discovered that while comas can be permanent, they often last only a few weeks. We had high hopes that Cal's condition would eventually turn around. The first few weeks were encouraging.

The first time Cal had an episode, it was total disaster. I found him, unresponsive, sitting in a chair in his room. He had soiled himself. While not new to such things because of my nursing experience, I still had to hire off-duty medics to assist me getting him into bed and cleaning him up, because he was just too heavy to move. Since then I've come to recognize his approaching episodes and take steps to be proactive.

When I saw he was becoming depressed, a precursor to an attack, I would strictly control his diet, get him to thoroughly shower, and guide him to bed. Since his comas only lasted for one or two days, that helped with having to move him later, plus solved the incontinence problem. To be honest, he was a much bigger problem when awake then in a coma. At least I didn't have to bathe him then. As for his promise, Cal was the perfect gentleman.

Now, for my problem. I am a highly sexual person and Rick isn't. Our sex-life was not all that great. His being away so much didn't improve the situation either. Rick knew this and he bought me a "toy" to help out while he was gone, but it wasn't the same. Then Cal's episodes increased in length, the comas lasting longer, three to five days. I administered his drugs and hooked up his IV each time and bathed him. The first time I decided to bathe him was really no big deal. After all, I was a nurse. I discretely covered his genitals with a small towel, got a warm soapy pan of water and a wash cloth. I washed his craggy face, his chest and arm-pits, feet and legs, and then started washing under the towel, jerking my hand back as though burned.

What I had touched shocked me! Suddenly, my heart was pounding a mile a minute, my hands shaking as I stared down at the towel. Nobody's soft penis could possibly be that large. It'd felt like an arm! Okay, I hadn't had sex in a week and the last time I did was totally unsatisfactory, but that doesn't excuse what happened next. I watched my trembling hand snaking out toward the towel as though it were a stranger's, grasping it and slowly pulling it away. I'd bathed a lot of men and women as a nurse, but I'd never seen something like that!

After I started my therapy, Cleo would tell me many women have "big cock" fascinations, but that had never been me. I'd had four sex partners before marrying Rick and as far as I knew, their penises could've been cut from the same cookie-cutter. In fact, I'd only glimpsed a couple cocks before Rick, all about the same. Most of the young guy only wanted to hop on, pop a nut, and go get a burger and a beer. I also had only given oral sex once before Rick, and nearly gagging when the guy flooded my mouth. I thought I'd be sick. Even my vibrator was average sized. This thing of Cal's though, was gigantic! Like a huge soft snake lying across Cal's thigh, thick blue veins crisscrossing it. I realized my mouth was dry as I just stared at it for a long time, before I saw my rebellious hand reach out and touch it.

It felt like a huge piece of velvet, warm and soft. It was the first uncircumcised cock I'd ever seen too. Must be the age difference, most guys probably have it done now. Rick did. Cotton filling my mouth I lifted its heft, watched it bend in the middle, draping over my small hand. I slowly moved my hand down, pulling the foreskin back to reveal a large spongy helmet, covering it again, and then exposing it again. My heart was going a mile a minute, pounding like a jack-hammer inside my chest. Then, I felt the cock surge a little in my hand.

Horrified, I looked at Cal's face. His eyes were closed and he hadn't moved. It was plain to see he was still inside his coma, but unaccountably, his cock was filling with blood! I felt it stiffening in my hand! Staring at his face, I worked my hand slowly up and down the horse-sized cock as it grew more ridged. I felt as if my heart would explode from my chest! Convinced he was out of it, I looked back at his cock and saw it was nearly twice as large as it had been while soft. I cupped his large hairy nuts and kept stroking it, slowly pulling the foreskin back and forth over the huge crown. I did this for about twenty minutes until it began noticeably throbbing. My fingers found my wet vagina and I almost came just touching the lips. He suddenly shot a stream of semen two feet in the air, some of it landing in my hair.

That's when I had a hard, shuddering climax, watching as I pumped load after load of thick cum out of that large pee-hole, feeling it slide over my knuckles, gob-after-gob. It seemed it would never stop. I came almost as long as Cal did, gasping and moaning with delight. Once it was over, I was instantly ashamed, eaten-up with guilt for what I'd just done. I was a nurse for god's sake! I continued to wallow in my own shame as I cleaned the cum off Cal's belly and changed his sheets. Then I went to take a shower and wash Cal's cum out of my hair.

I hesitated only a moment, but finally took my battery-powered vibrator into the shower with me. After soaping-up good, I placed it between my legs and thought about the huge appendage I'd just held as I had another mind-blowing climax. Totally exhausted, I finished my shower and took a long nap.

The next day, the first thing I thought about was Cal's cock. As I did my chores, it just kept floating before my eyes like a bad mirage, causing me to drop stuff, knock other things over. I was a wreck as the time for Cal's daily bath rolled around, making up my mind that he could probably wait for one more day. My mind a blank, I gathered up the pan of warm water and a wash cloth, suddenly standing outside Cal's bedroom door. With resolve, I opened the door and went in. Cal hadn't moved from yesterday when I'd turned him over before I departed so he wouldn't get bed-sores. I flipped him onto his back and his big cock flopped with him. I wasn't going to do this, I pledged. I'd been weak, a fucking pervert. I'd do what I came for, and leave. No touching. The problem was, my difficulty in breathing had returned when I saw that magnificent dick! I wanted to touch it so badly.

Keeping my eyes adverted I washed his face, chest, feet and legs. I had finally come to a decision point. Did I act like an adult and wash his genitals, or just leave? I slowly raised my eye level and saw that his cock seemed more inflated today then it appeared the previous day, causing my mouth to grow dry again. You - are - a - nurse, I reminded myself as I reached out and grasped it firmly in my hand. Don't - do - this! I slowly stroked it, feeling it inflate even more and then grow solid under my fingers. I couldn't stop, feeling it throb, moving in my hand - soft but hard, warm and comfortable, something I had to have.

I leaned down and did something I thought I hated; I licked the tip of it, feeling it jerk a little. I did it again, then threw inhibitions to the wind and just started licking it like an ice cream cone all over. The small hole leaked a little and I lapped that up, tasting like ambrosia on my tongue. I took the large spongy crown inside my mouth, savoring it, in heaven. I made love to it with my mouth, taking my time, wanting it to last. I forced it deep into my mouth, gagging, and was finally able to get it past my throat's opening. I would never be able to swallow the entire thing, but I wanted to.

I ran my tongue down it to the base, then lower, nibbling his balls, feeling them draw up, lifting them to lick lower. I was enraptured, over the edge. I didn't think of the consequence of my actions, the ensuing guilt I'd feel later. This wonderful thing I had inside my mouth was all that mattered at the moment. I forced my mouth down on it and held it there, tying not to suffocate as I breathed through my nose. When he came it took me by surprise. I gagged, swallowing to keep from strangling, and then I was trying to get it all - every drop. It was like ambrosia to me. 0

When the steady stream ceased I let my heart slow as I gently licked and sucked all the seepage from the tiny hole, watching his stiffness deflating. I was still so excited I was noticeably trembling head to foot. I looked up at Cal and he was still out. Then I cleaned him up with the washcloth and went into the shower with my vibrator again, guilt eating away at me. The next morning I heard Cal whistling as he sat on the patio drinking coffee. He was back.

Cal had no memory of what I'd done of course, but I went out of my way to do things for him, treating him with more kindness out of guilt, I suppose. Rick came home for a while and I tried staying occupied so not to think about what I'd done, but also because Cal's big cock entered my mind every time I was around him. Knowing Cal's past, I suppose he'd have ravaged me with or without my permission if he'd known. In my mind, both of us knowing about it would make this act even more incestuous and depraved than it already was. I made up my mind I'd never do it again, no matter what. My resolve lasted until about a month later when Cal had another episode while Rick was out of town again.

Yeah, I went through all the same depreciating and self-chastising I'd done before, but it had little effect. In the end, I was sucking his cock like I was starving for it. In a way, I guess I had been. I knew this time I was going to go as far as I could, and promised after that I'd never do it again. Licking up its length for a final time I reluctantly slid my lips off the crown, and squatted over him. As I lifted up directly over his tower of meat I closed my eyes, holding the head of his cock against the opening of my vagina. I had never been so wet! I slid around on it for a minute, knowing it would hurt but determined to go through with it now that I'd made up my mind. I slowly lowed myself, feeling the stretching and burning of friction as I forced the large rubbery head inside me. After a long time of time trying, I finally felt it pop inside.

I just held it there for a moment, but my legs were growing weak and I was trembling so badly I could barely hold myself upright. More quickly than I wanted to because my legs were giving out, I sank down on it, crying out in pain - then in wonderment. I'd done it! I was sitting on Cal's stomach, his huge cock inside me. The feeling was such I almost cried, as I sat and savored the sensation of the large helmet pressing against my cervix, stretching my vagina walls as nothing ever had before. I was completely in charge of how long I could last and I loved that feeling.

At last I started riding it like a big horse, lifting off to come crashing back down, moaning and crying out with both pain and immeasurable joy as I took my pleasure with total disregard for anyone else's. At the very last, I was lifting up and then free-falling back down mindlessly, when I felt his eruption deep inside me. Then I came . . . and came and came. I'd never had a climax such as this, an endless eruption that shook me to my core. Afterward, I was so depleted I couldn't move for five minutes, just sitting there with hair hanging down in my eyes, trying to get my runaway heart to slow down.

I finally lifted myself off his half-hard cock and fell beside him on the bed, staring in awe at the huge soft creature lying against Cal's leg, wondering how I could've possibly gotten all that inside me. Impulsively, I leaned over and sucked the leaking fluid from its tip, then cleaned our combined fluids as I swallowed the entire length. I was insatiable. I almost smiled as I thought, Cal, if you only knew what I had just done for you. I cleaned him up, took a shower and slept for several hours.

I'd like to say I realized how awful I was acting, and reformed, but no, that was not to be my last time. My need only grew worse the more I did it, and I just couldn't seem to leave it alone. I lived with my guilt for nearly a year, eventually trying out everything sexually a woman can do with a man. Writing this, even now, has proven to be an ordeal for me. Remembering my deceit, lack of morality, and abhorrent behavior, has created depression again. I'll stop for now and maybe write more about it later if I can get Cleo to assist me. Thanks for being my sounding board. Please try not to be too cruel in your assessment of my activities. I already hate myself enough. What more can I do?