All characters are 18+ unless their age is specifically stated.
The majority of this story is fiction which has been peppered with some personal experiences.
"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself." β George Orwell, 1984
_________________________________________________________
Farmhand's Day
A caressing hand ran up my inner thigh as I descended the ladder from the hay loft in the barn.
"What the fuck Jerry!" I hollered down as I gave a mule kick in his direction, "Keep your hands to yourself you perv!"
"Whoa, whoa there missy! Settle down now!" answered Jerry in the familiar tone of a horse trainer, "There's no need for that."
I'd been shoving bales of straw down to him while he stacked them in the corner. I helped him clean out the stalls and we just need to finish up with the bedding. He'd never made a grab for me before and it caught me off guard when I came down the ladder. I kept a good distance from Ricky though. He kind of creeped me out but Jerry didn't seem to be the lecherous one, not until then anyway.
Okay, yes. I'll admit, someone could get the wrong idea about me. I'd been out in the yard in sketchy kind of clothes on occasion; short-shorts, sundresses, and I didn't wear a bra most of the time but it's hot in the barn. Especially in the loft. It's a furnace up there. It's a good 20 degrees hotter than ambient so it wasn't unreasonable for anyone to strip down a bit. It's not like I had my shirt or anything.
"You're going to play hard to get Jellybean? Later then. Oh, I know, I know, you could make your way out to the bunkhouse when the next storm rolls in." Jerry added with a salacious tone.
There was a long pause as I searched his eyes for the deeper meaning behind the words. He gave me a sly grin and squinted at me with that, I-know look on his face. It was an I know and now you know that I know, kind of look.
"What do you mean?" I said, blushing and looking away as guilt overwhelmed me.
Mother fucker
! I thought to myself.
Uncle Buck! What a schnook! Why would he tell anyone about that?
"You know. YOU know! Don't play coy. Buck told us the whole sorted tail." He said as he cut right to the quick. "No worries though Jellybean. Gramma will never find out. Your secret is safe with us."
Us? What the hell!
I thought as I squinted my eyes closed.
He told both of them.
I was overcome with a sense of shame. My life would change the very day my grandparents found out about that. The story would go from them, to my parents. No one would ever trust me again. No one would ever look at me the same way again. I'd go from a charming, intelligent young lady to a shameless slut just that fast.
"Thank you, Jerry," I said with the sound of resignation in my voice as I turned away to make my way out of the barn.
I don't know why I thought that was the end of it. He was holding all the cards. We both understood that.
"Wait a sec!" He said as he secured a hand to my shoulder. "Now you need to do something for me."
Fuck! Quid pro quo.
Marcus Aurelius echoed in my head.
There's always a catch, another timeless euphemism lives on.
"What do you mean?" I replied naively.
I knew exactly what he was driving at. He wasn't mixing his message but I needed him to spell it out for me. Besides, I'd known this guy for years. I had no idea that he thought of me like that; at all, at all, at all, so it was going to take a minute or two to get my head around that.
"Well, I've been doin' some thinkin'." He said as he steered me back against the horse stall.
I leaned flat, palms against the kickboards, and bumped the back of my head on the bars of the grill as I retreated from his advance. He rested one hand on the bars then pinched the collar of my shirt and rubbed the back of his fingers down my sternum, between my breasts.
"Well, you know, it gets lonely out here. It's just me and Ricky for weeks on end and a man has needs." He responded, dignifying the act the best that he could, "You can help me with that."
"Okay, okay. What are these needs exactly? I'm not going to be your bed warmer to keep you from flappin' your gums, so you can get that idea out of your head. If you think that you can make me your whore because you heard some story then you're sadly mistaken, Mister." I said with some authority.
"No, no, no. Nothing like that. It's just, that you've just grown up so much. You're a fine young woman now and I can't help but notice how attractive you've become over the years. I see your figure through your dress or I see you down at the creek and I think how lucky a man should be to have you. I see you....." He paused midsentence and reflected for a moment to gather his thoughts, taking great care to choose his words.
"I just want to see your bare breasts, just once. Maybe a quick picture. I can do the rest on my own. I mean, I see porn but it's not the same as knowing someone. An image of your little breasts would do so much for an old fella like me, you have no idea." He said with an air of admiration.
At that moment, I honest to god felt sorry for him. He went from pervert to vulnerable human being as he pleaded his case. His confession came from his very soul. I knew exactly how he felt when I considered his station in life. I only spent my summers out there and I missed the heck out my boyfriend after just one week.
"Very well, just once and that's it," I said with conviction, trying to disconnect from the emotion. "No do-overs, no repeats."
"I swear, Jellybean. Just once and I'll take it to the grave," He said as he put his hand to heart, closing his eyes as though he was wishing on a star.
"Okay, fine," I said as I unbuttoned my shirt, looking up and down the aisle to make sure the coast was clear. "Right here then?"
I don't know why I did that. There were at least a dozen places that we could have gone that would have been more private. Maybe I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible, maybe there was a thrill in the act, hidden in the danger, the risk of getting caught doing something naughty. Maybe I was afraid to be in a secluded place with him for too long. I can't say why I did it there but I did.
I held my shirt closed at the collar when I'd reached the last button. I took a second look around as though I was about to cross a busy street, then I opened my shirt. My heart was pounding. I was ready to slam the drapes closed at the slightest sound. I was so scared. Maybe it was excitement. I don't know. Flashing someone never occurred to me before but the idea of him finding me sexy was exciting, I'll be honest.
It was that feeling that you get when you're doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing but you like it. It was erotic to know that Jerry and Ricky were eyeing me out there to start with but this was way more thrilling.
Jerry didn't blink, not once. He was laser-focused on my breasts. His mouth hung open like a poorly latched stable door as he reached into the pocket of his coveralls pulling out his smartphone.
"May I?" He said as he pointed at my breasts with his phone.