Perception is more powerful than reality. This truth is not lost on me as I observe the furtive, and probably jealous glances eyeing the flowers I'm carrying. The looks are subtle and hurried and follow the same pattern -- bouquet, eye contact, polite smile. They last a second but are filled with inference and yearning: 'whoever's receiving those is a lucky lady'; 'how nice to feel so adored'; 'wish someone would bring me flowers'. For a few moments of my commute I am, in the eyes of these strangers, thoughtful, kind, romantic. I like that. I am all those things and I know Iris will adore her flowers. She loves it when I surprise her, and the whole Irises for Iris thing has failed to get old in our short time together.
Arriving home, I place my ear against the door, as I've become accustomed to doing recently. Hearing nothing on the other side I insert my key. I'm excited to see Iris's reaction.
"Darling, I'm home."
Stepping into the apartment, ensuring the double cylinder deadbolt is locked securely behind me, I don't wait for an answer. She never acknowledges me until we're in the same room.
"I've got a surprise for you..."
I'm singing the words as I step out of my shoes--Iris is fastidious about shoes indoors--it's been a good day and flowers should make it a better evening. Things have been strained these past few days, but these should do the trick.
Approaching the bedroom, a familiar coiled tension sits low in my chest and I stop, pausing to fill my lungs before concentrating on a slow exhale. Nudging the door, I stand out of view, holding the flowers in the empty doorway.
"For you, my love!" The words sounded romantic in my head, but spoken they seem silly and dramatic. Stepping into view I continue, "It felt like you were overdue...do you like them?"
Seeing her, I'm struck, as I always am, by how beautiful she is. She's wearing the night dress she knows I love--an emerald green, silky thing, short with white lace trim. It looks perfect against her tanned skin. Her dark hair is disheveled and she's clearly been crying. She looks so sweet. So vulnerable.
She blinks, forcing a smile and nodding her approval.
"Do you? I'm so pleased." The mattress is warm as I sit next to where she's lying starfish-like across the bed. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about the colour but they're pretty in black aren't they?"
She nods again, eyeing the Bearded Irises I've placed beside her.
"Did you have a good day, sweetie? I finally closed the Henshaw account. I think it made Susan jealous 'because she was a real bitch for the rest of the day."
Iris stares into my eyes and I note her smudged eyeliner.
"I couldn't wait to come home to you. I've missed you so much."
My words are heartfelt and I stroke her face affectionately. Iris's tearstained cheek is soft, and her tears, sweat and saliva combine to make her grey gag appear black.
"Did you miss me too, darling?"
She hesitates before nodding, eyes wide, a faint smile fading from her cheeks.
