This is my submission for the
April Fools Day Story Contest 2023
.
This story is a bit of a weird one, for me at least. But I had this idea, and I thought you folks might like it. I'm sure similar stories have been written before, but I've added in my own twists. It's pretty lighthearted (as much as a noncon story can be, I suppose).
I say this almost every time, but
please
tell me in the comments what you thought, both positive and negative. I love hearing your feedback, and I answer almost every comment.
As always, Enjoy:
.......................................................................
Tuesday, March 31st, 2022. 10:23pm
Lying in bed, I glare at my wife in annoyance. We've been fighting. This is not a particularly unusual experience... not really common, but not exactly strange either. We've been married for a little while now. I imagine it's safe to say that the "magic" of marriage has worn away. I still love her, but that doesn't prevent us from getting into some knockout-dragout fights... like the one we're in now.
Delilah rolls away from me, snatching her pillow, and driving her head into it with an audible huff. In the mirror, I can see her squeezing her eyes shut, as if that will bring sleep on faster. Her wavy blonde hair largely obscures her face, but she doesn't bother fixing it. "I told you for the last time, Anthony! I am
NOT
in the mood!"
I scowl, placing my hand on her shoulder and rolling her back towards me, forcefully. "This isn't fair, 'Lilah," I growl. I know that she can see the aggravation set deep in my eyes. "I don't expect you to fuck me
every single time
I'm in the mood. That'd be unfair of me. But this is the fourth night that I've been horny as fuck, and you won't put out. This is bullshit."
"Get your hand off of me, Anthony!" She says, matching my ferocity. "You had your fun today. You love to
fuck around,
now don't act so surprised when you
find out.
I wanna get to sleep. Leave me alone."
"This is horseshit! You don't have to work tomorrow... So don't act like you need to get to sleep early. This is about the dishes, isn't it? I told you that I would wash them, and I meant it! It isn't my fault that you did them yourself!"
Delilah's lips curl up into a smug, shit-eating grin. "I never said anything about the dishes. If you're feeling guilty, then that's on you. I'm not going to explain everything, as if you're an ignorant child. You love pissing me off. So be it, but now I'm done with your silly games."
I stay silent for a long moment, racking my brain in an attempt to figure out what she's talking about. Finally, it dawns on me. "Are you mad that I pranked you? Seriously?! That was just a harmless April Fools joke! There's no way you're still mad about that. I didn't wipe
actual
shit on you!" I search her face to see if I've hit upon the source of her frustration, but I can't make out any clear answer.
"It isn't even April 1st yet," she growls, distaste thick in her voice. "You can't just pull a prank at any time, and call it an April Fools joke. You got that crap all over my hand, and I almost threw up, Anthony! You know that I have anxiety already. I almost had a panic attack!"
"April Fools is tomorrow... I was only a handful of hours early," I sigh. "I knew I couldn't prank you
on
April 1st. You've gotten too watchful on the actual day. So I did it the day before. Big deal..."
"I was trying to HELP you when you pranked me. You acted like you needed toilet paper, but then you smear fake shit on me as I hand you the roll? You screwed me over when I was trying to assist you! That's so fucked up!"
"But I had to make you think..."
"And you
FARTED
right before I opened the door, so at that moment, the room literally smelled like shit! I was completely convinced that I had your feces all over my hand!" There is a fury in her voice that doesn't match the harmlessness of the prank. She must be mad about something else entirely. The joke I pulled was perfectly benign. I don't know why she's making such a big deal out of it.
"The fart was just a lucky coincidence! I already told you!" I am finding it incredibly difficult to stifle my laughter. The mental image of her gagging with the slimy, chocolate "shit" smeared on her wrist... that was so hilarious.
My situational timing was off though; I do have to admit that. She had just finished the dishes, so she was already pissed when I pranked her. That was unfortunate.
"You are a selfish, self-centered narcissist, Anthony! You just love joking around, and doing your own thing. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. I need you to pull your weight at this house and stop goofing around when I'm trying to be serious."
I can feel my anger returning. "Look, that's a really compelling argument and all, but that doesn't change the fact that this is the fourth time that you've come up with some excuse to avoid fucking. Sex is a healthy,
NECESSARY
part of our marriage. I'm not a cheater, so you know that I'm not getting pussy from anyone but you. I'm cool with that... but on the flip side, when I need pussy, you're
literally
my only option."
Delilah glares at me. "So what?"
"So I don't need you to doll up, or talk dirty to me, or anything else. I need you to roll on your fucking back, spread your damn legs, and give me a hole to fuck. I don't even care if you're wet... I'll just spit on my dick."
"You're awful!" She snaps at me angrily. "All you ever think about is yourself and..."
"Oh no!" I interject, quickly. "I would have
preferred
to make passionate love to you. But you didn't want that. Now I'm DEMANDING one of your holes... and you'd
better