I was stopped in my tracks from a spectacle out the window.
Small whites dots flurried past the panes and my jaw dropped as best it could. I remembered myself and threw the gun to the side, ragging in terribly nauseous breath, heart thundering, as if trying to escape my ribcage.
I retched but there was no vomit, only a dollop of bile that I wiped away on my thighs. Kicking the gun away further to steel myself with what I had just wanted to do I craned my face back towards the window to distract myself with anything there.
It's snow. It's actual, real, snow. I had never seen it in person, Florida was mediocre that way. I rushed down the steps and flung the creaky back door open, stepping out onto the crusty grass and sticking my palms out past the overhead.
It was beautiful. Swirling around and gathering into heaps. My feet bounced with unspeakable giddiness, one I had not felt in such a long time.
One that was entirely false and pushed me further into a disassociation that made my body feel as though it were not mine. The hair at my head felt like someone else's, my feet that were cold did not chill me in this body because it wasnt mine.
So I stood.
For a very long time.
I was shivering and frozen to the bone when the sun began to dip low, casting a white sheen instead of a grey one, then the moon rose to my back and still I stayed.
Curled in the grass in frozen pain, biting and picking at my body, all over. I was sure my toes would shrivel and fall off, perhaps that's what I wanted, I really, truly did not know.
I closed my eyes and drifted away into fitful sleep, at least in my subconscious I was smart enough to drag myself through the opened door well and warm in the cooled heat.
It was well into the night when they opened, the snow gifting bright light to see my surroundings, but the flurry in the air dashed that away with vehemence. I wasn't sure why I woke, and tried to fall back asleep, but my hair was on end.
Warning me to get up and to go.
Looking around the large field, where my brother was buried, I couldn't pick out movement. Couldn't see anything beyond my hand, and that alone terrified me. But then I heard voices, carried by the whipping winds, and to my ears.
There was no one around for at least an hour, this was an attack.
I shut the door behind me, locking it and flicking off lights, rushing up the steps and to the discarded gun that would be my only ticket to survival.
I slung it over my back with the strap, threw open his wardrobe and pocketed knives I didn't know how to use, bullets I didn't know how to load, and flicked off the light in there as well.
Kicking away the rug and fumbling for it's so called latch, I shimmed into the floor boards and unfurled the rug back over the door. Locking it firmly in place.
I had no light, it was pitch black in this makeshift oubliette, and I didn't bother praying, I vowed to live through this night. Noises made their way into the home itself, a pair of males speaking urgently, one harsh, biting. The other softer, listless.
The stairs crunched in front of me as they made their way upstairs, not bothering with the ground level, and I knew they knew, that Jamie had a woman here that he loved very much.
Their indistinct voices were shouts and grumblings as they made themselves home, moving around and talking without a care in the world. And I, scared beyond my wits, waited for them to find me.
A lot of time had passed and they were still here, still conversing and moving, going all about the home and forcing my soul to abort my skin when one ran across my head then up and down the stairs.
I listened hard, trying make out their words, but it was hard to hear over the slamming of my heartbeat and breath. I willed it to quiet down, if they were going to find me they would've done it by now.
It seemed to do the trick and I listened hard, pressing against the beams holding this secret hideaway up.
Their voices were still blurry but easy to make out now.
"There's only two people who know, that girl and Mike, they are both gone." The lazy one said, sighing heartily, "I doubt the princess had the means or the connections, so that roots out only one path."
A weak groan sounded throughout even the beams, it rattled my head and I grew dizzy for a moment. "He wouldn't."
"But he would." The other impressed, "he stands alot to gain if you die." A pause to let it sink in, "Even I'm jealous of you most the time, though killing you wouldn't be the first thing I tried to take some of your glory off your huge hands."
I bit my lip to stop a laugh, his inflection was hilarious, the way he delivered his words was the punchline regardless of if there were a joke at all. If he wasn't here to nab me or worse, I'd admire him, if only for that.
There was no answer from the other, and the funny one sighed, it was less rattling but still carried strength. "What do you want me to do?"
Another pause but this one didn't go unanswered. "Find her. Please." The last part was tacked on after a pregnant silence ensued from the comedian.
"I will find her, those footprints were recent, water doesn't stay wet for too long." He groaned softly and got to his feet, I wondered if they were hurt from their noises, if so, I had a real chance. He said something unintelligible and I shifted to hear him better, putting my hand out to feel where I was going.
"We need to move before Mike figures out where we are," He hissed as if being overheard, perhaps he could feel my presence under his boots. I sidled up to a crack that shone a bit of light to the level near my head.
I stood underneath it, peering upwards to catch a glimpse of whoever was there.
One man came into view, dark black boots laced up his ankles and had something awfully red stained on the bottom. My view was dead between his legs. He was leaning forward, long blonde hair had come loose out of its bun and shimmering across his cheeks where more bloodstains.
His knobby fingers weren't cleaned, brown and blackened red mixed together and were interlaced as his jaw stretched with anger. He was dressed similarly to Jamie had been when he left, and that was all I could see.
I pivoted to see the other male, but the same black boots were the extent of my vision of him. I turned back to recede into the blackness, if I could see them, they could see you. That was all I had to advise myself with.
In my haste I hadn't been paying attention to the long gun slung over my shoulder, the barrel had connected with the beam in a resounding *Thunk*, and I prayed it went unheard.
They had not been speaking when it happened, I just hoped they were fond of the term "Old houses creak."
Heavy footsteps crossed the floor and I pressed into the second room I had been spying on them in, deep in the shadows. Movement shuffled directly over the entrance and a scream was building in my throat.
I did the next best thing.
Shrugging the gun off my shoulder I kneeled and took aim, like how they did in the military movies, and waited. The trap door whined open and a resounding hum made me waver.
"I really don't want to go in here." He complained, shuffling to look at the other man in the room, casting shadows down into my pit, "You do it."
There was no verbal answer and when the comedian sighed I figured he shook his head or something. "Little girl, if you're in there please come out so I do not have to go in. I will warn you, no matter how many people I've killed, my fear of spiders has not waned, and I will do whatever I have to to get you out in a timely manner."
I didn't hold back my guffaw then, letting it resound and crawl.
A disappointed sigh rippled to me, and then he was falling in, feet first, spinning around to find me. I didn't give him a chance, wrenching back the trigger and aiming right at his chest.
*Click*
The sound embarrassed both of us and he slowly turned towards me, noting the glinting barrel finally, jaw dropped.
"You were going to kill me." He stated as if the words did not fit on his tongue. "If you weren't an idiot, I'd be dead."
I shrugged tossing the gun aside, it was dead weight since I didn't know how to work it. "I'm afraid you are correct." I purred palming the small blades instead, "I only have room for one crazy psycho in my life."
His friend chuckled darkly and the sound tingled me, rooted me in place, we blinked at each other in pure silence, each trying to accept their own truth while eyeing the other.
Finally my mouth worked.
"Is that Jamie?" I half screamed, half cried. Sinking to my knees with relief washing through me. "Is it?" I asked again clutching my stomach.
My would-be-victim nodded and I was basically crawling out this shotty little crevice. He helped me up and I stumbled to the room, not truly believing that everything was alright. There had to be some hang up, some half lie.
I stood in the threshold with tight eyes, seeing the giant laid back in a chair clutching a stomach of his own, soiled bandages wrapped tightly around his gut and leg while his breathing was labored.
There was so much blood leaking from all over, it was like a scene I never wanted replayed, seeing John in him even as a toothy smile lifted his sullen lips. "Wife." He drew out the word as best he could, gasping harder than usual.
I took a step back, my shoulders hitting his friends stomach, before I sank to my knees. Tears striped down my cheeks and soaked my hands with too much salt, burning everything in its wake. He gestured for me to come but I couldn't get up even if I wanted to.
"Tell me, Jamie." I cried out, clutching my heart as if that'd keep the shattered pieces together. "Tell me you aren't dying."
His dark brows lifted, only slightly, as he registered my words. "Would never come home." If he was. I finished his sentence in my mind and surged to my feet running into his arms, practically throwing myself around his neck. He groaned loudly in pain but I ignored it, sobbing into his hair and pressing kisses to his cheeks and ears.
"You idiot!" I cried, petting the grimy strands, unable to let go. "I was all alone, and so scared and I waited everyday for you." He let me sob, slowly putting his arm around my waist even though it caused him pain. "And it is all your fault, you meager bastard." I huffed laughter, not quite feeling it yet, when I used the last words I said to him before this. "You stupid, selfish bastard, it is all your fault."
He breathed humor, feeling it more than I did, and pulled me closer. Breathing in my depressed scent. "I know."
I held him for a long moment, shaking in his grasps, trying to peel apart all these layers of clothes squeezing my chest and mind.
